A Few Bumps On The Road To Spiritual Perfection

Fifty-year old Jim Nelson had been living in a tent outside a ski resort in British Columbia. After fasting for 60 days to attain spiritual perfection, he bagged it, and went into town. When he reached an upscale home, he threw a rock through the window and made himself at home. In Court, here’s what Mr. Nelson admitted to (in addition to breaking into the house):

He opened the presents looking for chocolates, raided the fridge and cupboards searching for delicacies, pigged out on cups of tea, chili, cream cheese and tortillas. He then puked and defecated in plastic bags before slipping into a stupor and curling up on the floor.

So, guilty right? Wrong! Judge Moss acquitted Mr. Nelson, whose defense was “necessity.” Said the judge:

Your actions were disgusting and foul, certainly so far as the homeowner is concerned. But that kind of action in and of itself presents to me clear evidence that your mind was extremely troubled and that you should not be found guilty. Really! For god’s sake, Jim, at least you could have used the toilet! The B.C. government, following in the footsteps of John “Bluto” Blutarsky, declared “Nothing is over until we decide it is.” Actually, they just appealed and … won. A new trial was ordered. For more on Mr. Nelson, click here.