So maybe it’s not CSI, but it’s damn impressive nevertheless. As reported by www.big1059.com out of Miami,Florida:
An Akron man who pleaded guilty to aggravated burglary and robbery will spend six years in prison. 40-year-old Charles Smallwood was also sentenced to an additional four years on two other pending cases for a total ten year sentence.
About the duct tape …
Maybe it’s not an addiction. A fetish? Whatever the reason, this gent is flat out not allowed to go to this Walmart, but he can’t help himself. As reported by The Northwest Florida Daily News:
A man went into a local discount store to buy lightbulbs. He paid for them and left the store. No problem, right?
Actually, it was a problem. And why was that?
It would be misleading, though not totally false, to say this guy walked into a Florida Papa John’s and stole pizza. Here’s what happened, per wptv.com:
Polk County deputies say a man walked into Papa John’s Pizza restaurant, put on a pizza costume, and then walked out of the Lakeland restaurant Sunday evening.
You stole a pizza costume? The Juice is guessing you didn’t know they have video cameras in the store.
Whatever your opinion is on the legalization of marijuana, it goes without saying that it’s illegal in many places. It also going without saying that you shouldn’t try to sneak it on a plane and into a foreign country when you know it’s illegal in that country. Or does it? As reported by The Boston Herald:
Harvard is being tight-lipped after one of its instructors was busted with pot in her underwear after landing in Bermuda for a weekend getaway with her husband.
In her underwear! Brilliant! Nobody has tried to hide anything there before … except the Underwear Bomber, and probably scores of other folks!
This really is like the hen picking up the phone, calling the fox, and inviting him over for dinner. As for why this gent would call the police, consider what he was doing in his house. As reported by The Florida Times-Union:
Shaune Lawrence, 54, reported his Fleming Court home had been invaded by two men and gave deputies consent to search, the Sheriff’s Office said. Once inside, they instead found a spare bedroom and bathroom that were being used as “grow rooms” containing the plants and an elaborate setup of lights and chemicals.
Think he was baked?
Public urination must occur almost as frequently as … um … public intoxication? Anyway, you probably wouldn’t be reading this if the gentleman in question, Mr. Nathan Strawn, had not allegedly urinated on the Nativity scene in a public square in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania! The Juice is not a criminal lawyer, but how about this defense:
Public? I thought it was some old, abandoned barn. Damn you pea-sized bladder!
Back to the crime scene. As reported by The Times Leader:
Almost everyone uses the remote control on their car key to lock the car. And it’s then alarmed too. What a great technology! Remotes have really come a long way. So you’re safe, right? Well, no. And here’s why, per wmbfnews.com:
Apparently thieves are targeting those keyless entry remotes by using a device to de-code the signal and break into vehicles.
Come again?
Who would go to a restaurant if they suspected the food might be tampered with? Well, there’s at least one woman who appears to fall into this category. As reported at highlinetimes.com (Washington State) in the police blotter:
A Burien woman dining at the Tung Kee Mi Gia Chinese restaurant that opened in north Burien in late 2013 called the police after she suspected cooks of serving her urine with her meal on the evening of March 17th. The victim insisted that police come to the restaurant on the corner of 16th Avenue S.W. and 112th Street to investigate the suspicious sauce she had been served. Upon arriving on the scene, police quickly discovered that what the victim believed to be a small cup of urine, was actually a small cup of fish oil. Despite having no evidence to substantiate her urine claims, the woman insisted the fish oil be tested. Police report zero urine findings.
With no evidence, The Juice is left wondering why the police wasted their time. Actually, it was probably a good investment – so she wouldn’t continue to hassle everyone about it forever. Hey lady, fuhgeddaboutit! And next time, ask them to hold the fish oil.
It’s unclear if this guy is a member of the first group of folks. He’s definitely someone who sucks at Walmart. As reported by The Independent Tribune (Concord, North Carolina):
Michael Anthony Brown, of 207 Lincoln St. SW, Concord, was arrested and charged with assault on a female in March after police say he approached a woman in a Lincolnton Walmart, told her he was a podiatry student and sucked on her toes.
Very credible story. Can you believe she didn’t buy it? He has tried less subtle approaches.
To look at this 79-year-old gentleman, you wouldn’t think that he’s capable of what he’s been charged with. As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):
According to an arrest report, the alleged victim was pulling out of his driveway in the 9800 block of Fairmount Road, just west of Old Bardstown Road, when James W. Handy [age 79] threw coffee on him through his open car window.
Not cool. But wait.
