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“Um, excuse me. Could you please keep it down?” Fuhgeddaboutit. Ain’t nobody quieting this lady down. As reported by The Star-Ledger at nj.com:

A 47-year-old Hackettstown woman went on a rampage and was arrested when police arrived at her house to check into a noise complaint last week, authorities said.

Gail Tortorella was drunk when police showed up to her home on Ashley Avenue at about 6:45 p.m. Thursday, Hackettstown police said in a release. Instead of calming down, police said she became belligerent.

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Remember the story about the Swedish parents who wanted to name their daughter “Metallica?” Or the Swedish transvestite who wanted to change his name to Pia? Add to that list the Swedish couple who wanted to name their daughter “Elvis.” Fuhgeddaboutit, said the National Tax Board. Why? Because …

Elvis “is a first name of a masculine type.”

While the King might be pleased with that determination, no doubt Elvis’s parents are not. They should follow Metallica’s parents lead, who fought the law, and won.

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To call this pair “smugglers” would raise the ire of smugglers everywhere.  As reported by North Country Now (Potsdam, New York):

Two Canadians were charged with possession of 75 pounds of marijuana Thursday and jailed on $25,000 bail, according to state police.

Troopers charged Chantal L. Mondon, 35, and Dat-Shing Chao, 26, both of Laval Quebec, for drug possession.

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Hey, just like homeowners associations, all clubs have rules. The Mile High Club is no exception, and this mischievousness doesn’t cut the mustard. As reported by The Prince George Citizen (Halifax, Nova Scotia):

A flight attendant told the trial of a woman accused of committing an indecent act on a Toronto-to-Halifax flight that she and a man used a coat to cover their laps to fondle each other.

That’s a different club, right? Anyway …

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Yes, some people want rules in their neighborhood.  And that’s why some people move into condos or neighborhoods governed by homeowners associations. But there are some really stupid rules – like this one! And some of you will say that these folks could have read the rules in advance, but nobody reads the rules! Do you read everything you sign (or click!)?  This is just an overreach by a group of folks who clearly have nothing better to do. As reported at Syracuse.com

The Kimry Moor Homeowners Association has filed a lawsuit against residents David and Arna Orlando in Onondaga County Supreme Court because they are parking their 2014 black Ford 150 pickup in their driveway at 511 Kimry Moor, just outside the village of Fayetteville.

The association wants an injunction to stop the couple from parking their pickup in the driveway of their home.

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Are you really going to stand there and claim that you booted that vehicle? Uh-huh. Well, then where’s the boot? And the vehicle? As reported by the Brooklyn Paper Police Blotter:

84th Precinct – Brooklyn Heights–DUMBO–Boerum Hill–Downtown

A scofflaw managed to remove his car from Dean Street on Dec. 26, despite the city’s boot, according to cops.

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The Juice will wager you have not encountered a shoplifter like this woman. As reported by by wtsp.com:

Guapiles, Costa Rica  – Captured on video, a woman shocked workers by stealing a flat screen TV by stuffing it up her dress, between her legs.

The woman simply walked into the store, picked up the packaged TV, placed it between her legs and walked out along with an accomplice.

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If you can believe the police shows and movies, the worst jobs are probably desk jobs and traffic. This unit ain’t nothing like that! As reported by countercurrentnews.com:

A police officer in Arkansas recently lost his job after he exposed a massive scheme that allowed officers to have sex with prostitutes and then arrest them for servicing the undercover cops.

So much for having your cake and eating it too.

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Regular readers know that The Juice is a personal injury lawyer. During the course of his career, he has had several cases with the same key fact as this one, brought to you via the Hunterdon County Democrat (New Jersey).

A Pittstown man was charged with numerous offenses after a hit-and-run accident reported Dec. 27, at approximately 8:15 a.m. Patrolman Sean Ross was dispatched to Riverbend Road in the area of Moebus Place for a report of property damage. He found damage to a front lawn, a mailbox and bushes.

Unfortunately for the scofflaw, that’s not all the victim found.

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Here’s an example of a judge in Arkansas who couldn’t keep it in, although he really didn’t pay a price for his misconduct. As reported by ArkansasMatters.com:

A Union County District Court judge is being disciplined after the investigation of several complaints.

The Juice has seen worse, but this stuff is just not cool.

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