Squeezed on:

By

twin%20identical%20masks.jpg

In Italy, you can be a part-time Judge and a practicing attorney. So there were these identical twins, one of whom was a part-time Judge and a lawyer. The other sister had finished law school, but was not a practicing attorney, or so everyone thought.

Seems the Judge (Gabriela Odisio) was double-booked, and asked her sister to stand in for her! And it worked the other way too, with Patrizia sitting as a Judge for her sister. It worked for 3 years! How did they get busted? Slip of the lip. A client overheard them talking about it!

Squeezed on:

By

toilet%20paper%20empty%20none%20roll.jpg

When the moment comes, I think it’s safe to say that most of us would prefer not to be in a public place, especially a fast food restaurant. The moment came for Henry Chai in a Wendy’s Restaurant in Montgomery County, Ohio. Now, as fast food goes, I like Wendy’s. I don’t want to believe that little Wendy, with those cute red braids, would allow this to occur. And remember, these were just allegations.

There was no toilet paper! Mr. Chai had to use his handkerchief! When the nightmare ended, Mr. Chai did what I think most of us would – he sued Wendy’s, seeking

$2.00 for the loss of a handkerchief, $5,000 ‘for the unreasonable risk to his health,’ $2500 ‘for humiliation and negligent infliction of emotional distress,’ and $5000 in punitive damages for Wendy’s ‘wanton act of failing to provide toilet tissue in contravention of the Ohio Food Services Rules.’

Wendy’s lawyers hit the law books, then filed a one sentence reply to Mr. Chai’s complaint: “Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha.” Actually, they asked the court to dismiss the claim “for failure to state a claim upon which relief can be granted.” To Mr. Chai’s horror [don’t worry, he appealed], the court agreed.

The Court finds beyond doubt that the Plaintiff can state no cause of action upon which relief can be granted. The entire complaint consists of the Plaintiff’s frustration and inconvenience caused by the temporary omission of toilet paper from the men’s restroom area… The plaintiff had several alternatives and his lack of ingenuity caused an alleged $2 loss. This Court has held a scheduling conference [oh to be a fly on the wall for that one] and has considered the facts set forth in the motions and having spent adequate time reviewing the allegations and facts brought to the Court’s attention, this Court finds that the Plaintiff is not entitled to proceed further with this action.

Well, this did not sit well with Mr. Chai, so he appealed. And what do you think happened?

Continue reading →

Squeezed on:

By

socks%20lots%20many%20tons%20pile%20huge%20pairs.jpg

For offenses involving socks, two British men were sentenced to 18 months in jail (for “conspiring to commit acts of gross indecency”), and put on the sex offenders’ registry for 10 years. Really. Per The Southport Visiter:

Two men swindled hundreds of people in Southport out of their socks back in the 1990s.

How do you “swindle” folks out of socks?

Claiming to be collecting the socks for good causes, the men approached unsuspecting victims in the resort’s bars and clubs and paid revellers up to £5 for their footwear.

Creepy.

They made sure to take pictures of the victims with their socks and then meticulously tagged each pair with the donor’s name before wrapping them in sandwich bags.

Creepier. Guess what the police found at one of the dude’s flat?

… 4,000 pairs in binbags in a cupboard. Officers described their astonishment when they found they had to wade through an 18 inch deep “carpet” of smelly socks. “They were everywhere and anywhere,” an officer said.

“They were all over the furniture, hanging from lampshades and even in the microwave, frying pan and cooker.”

“It was like there had been an explosion in a sock factory and socks had blown all over the place. In my 25 years with the police I have never seen anything like it.”

Here’s the source.

By
Posted in: Wacky
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

Got the gun? Check. Ready to do this? Check. In the bank? Um. No. Per the Lexington Herald-Leader:

Police in Nicholasville say a man showed a gun and tried to rob a bank, but he wasn’t in one.

The Jessamine South Elkhorn Water District has offices in what was formerly a branch of Farmers Bank.

City police spokesman Scott Harvey told the Lexington Herald-Leader a man came into the building Tuesday, showed a pistol and demanded money.

When an employee told the man the office really didn’t have any money, the confused would-be robber replied, “I know you have money. It’s a bank.”

He was told it was no longer a bank and he left with nothing.

If they catch the dude, just imagine the ribbing he’ll get in jail …

By
Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

cigarettes%20many%20picture%20photo%20lots%20bunch.jpg

All this for some cigarettes? Check this out from the Pocono Record:

Two males backed a pickup truck through the front glass door of the Tobacco Road store on Route 209 in Middle Smithfield Township at 3:38 a.m. Monday, police said.

And then they took a bunch of cigarettes? Not exactly.

The males then exited the vehicle and tried to break in, but couldn’t.

Damn. Where are we going to find another closed store with a window and cigarettes at 3:40 in the morning?

They fled the scene in the vehicle and, 12 minutes later, drove the same vehicle into the front entrance of Beer Nuts in Jay Park Plaza on Route 209 in Smithfield Township. They entered that store, took cartons of cigarettes and fled the scene.

Mission accomplished. The men are still at large, no doubt puffing away.

Squeezed on:

By

taunting%20taunt%20tease%20funny%20mean.jpg Let’s say you rob somebody, and then you’re foolish enough to call him the following day to taunt him. Would you do it from a phone that could be traced to you? A young man in New York did. And it led to his arrest, along with his 4 alleged accomplices. As reported in New York’s “The Journal News” …

[Lt.] Clark said the incident occurred Tuesday, when the victim, who works at the Scarsdale Public Library, left work about 9 p.m. to catch a bus home. About 20 minutes later, as he waited at the Post and Olmsted roads bus stop, he was attacked by a group of young men who police said beat him until he momentarily blacked out. They fled in a car after taking the man’s briefcase.

Knocking the dude out? That’s cold. Why’d they do it?

“The investigation revealed that this was a completely random attack, and that these young men set out to beat somebody up,” Clark said. “Taking the briefcase was almost incidental. One of the men said that his mother had died recently, and that he was angry and just wanted to beat someone up.”

Really? I didn’t know random asskicking was one of the 5 stages of grief. Just how did the bust go down?

The next day, [the victim] received the taunting phone call, which he immediately reported to police. Within hours, Scarsdale Detectives Russ Morvant and Servando Rodriguez were able to trace the call to a house on North Kensico Avenue in White Plains. They found Marzano, of 100 N. Kensico Ave., there, along with Pacicca, of 1649 Hall Ave., and Brown.

Find anything else?

The detectives also found the stolen briefcase and other items belonging to the victim …

Doh!

By
Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

fire%20raging%20blaze%20large%20big%20flames.jpg

Certainly nobody (save some of the cheaters) would argue that it’s wrong to cheat on your spouse. Likewise, just about everybody (save a few vengeful souls) would argue that Rajni Narayan, of Adelaides, Australia, went too far when she “… set fire to her husband’s genitals…” As reported by the Press Trust of India:

An Indian-born Australian woman who allegedly set fire to her husband’s genitals suspecting his fidelity has appeared in a local court with fresh charges of murder slapped against her.

Rajni Narayan, 44, who allegedly murdered her husband, in a bizarre manner by torching his genitals which set her Cleveland Avenue townhouse in Adelaides ablaze had later told her neighbourers “it’s just a penis I wanted to burn I didn’t mean this to happen” Narayan who suspected her husband of having an affair told the neighbours, “I am a jealous wife, his penis should belong to me, I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else.”

Narayan was remanded to police custody until Friday and had to undergo a Psychological assessment as prosecutor said that her engineer husband Satish was asleep in their double-storey house when his wife set his genitals on fire after dousing them with methylated spirit on Dec 8 last, Adelaide Now reported.

The blaze reduced to rubble the couple’s USD 700,000 house and also damaged neighbouring houses. Satish Narayan, 47, succumbed to his burns in hospital last week, the paper said. After being produced before the local magistrate here the public prosecutor said the charges against the widow had been upgraded to murder. You can read more here.

Squeezed on:

By

Beer%20funny%20beer%20is%20addicted%20to%20me.jpg

You would think that even a petty thief would be mindful of the the old adage about “going to the well once to often.” Not this guy. As reported by the Australian publication The Age:

A serial beer bandit who was caught after stealing beer on three separate occasions from the same house. Wendouree man Leigh John Parkes first stole beer and some loose change in January after seeing a carton of lager in an open garage. Parkes, 25, struck again two months later, lifting the roller-door and stealing 36 stubbies worth $50. Within weeks he was back, but when he found the roller-door locked, he forced open a window. He stole another carton of beer and some tools, worth $170. Parkes was jailed for six months.

The same house, 3 times within less than 3 months? Should get some extra time just for that …

By
Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

lawn%20decoration%20funny%20wacky%20christmas%20yard%20front.jpg Actually, Maryland resident Erin Alban has a raised middle finger sticking up from her mailbox support. As reported by The Baltimore Sun, her neighbors aren’t real happy about that, or the …

used-car-lot-style pennants [that] run between trees;

plastic reindeer;

smiley faces painted on the driveway;

lampshades tied to bushes, and …

the stuffed animals and signs, some with religious slogans, [that] cover virtually the entire yard, the house and the carport.

So what have the neighbors done?

[They] have complained repeatedly over the past year, leading to visits by police officers, firefighters, elected officials, and representatives from several county agencies. Residents aired their objections recently at a public forum held by County Executive Ken Ulman.

The results?

… inspectors have uncovered no violations of county codes. In a county where many newer neighborhoods follow Columbia’s example of controlling appearances through stringent private covenants, Alban’s yard seems beyond the reach of government regulation.

Squadoosh. Zippy. Nada.

“We don’t do pretty,” said county zoning enforcement chief George Beisser. “What’s one person’s junk is another person’s art.”

I’m with Cato Institute “expert on private property rights” Roger Pilon who suggested that the neighbors should “lighten up.”

By
Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

judge%20angry%20furious%20upset%20crazy%20bad%20pissed%20mad%20outraged.gif Certainly it’s no State v. Johnson, but the Buldoni case will have to do for today. As reported at myCentralJersey.com, here’s what happened in a case involving Mr. Buldoni, before Judge Emery Toth:

After pleading not guilty, Buldoni, also known as Luis Martinez, tried to explain the offenses to Toth.

But Toth was having none of it …

Toth suggested that the reason Buldoni got arrested was for failing to appear in court in November 2007 for the summonses. But Buldoni told the judge he was wrong.

This is not usually something judges like to hear.

“All right. Well if you’d stop getting arrested, then you wouldn’t have any of these problems, right?” the judge said.

Snap!

“Excuse me, your honor?” Buldoni replied.

“I don’t want to have a debate with you,” the judge said. “I don’t want to have an Oprah Winfrey conversation with you…See you around.”

(Are we clear?! Crystal, sir.)

As he was leaving the video-conference room, Buldoni made a noise, which Toth later described as “raspberries.”

“I don’t want to tell you what you really are, but I’m a street guy. So when I said, “See you later,’ hey, I didn’t really get offended when you gave me the old fist up in the air. That’s okay. I didn’t really care about that. But when you give me the raspberries when walking out and you give me some kind of disrespect, I’m telling you that’s contempt in the face of the court. You’re going to jail. You’ll stay there for another 30 days…you open your mouth, you give me any more attitude, I’m going to give you some more jail time.”

Okay, 30 days … um, hold on …

“Appreciate it,” Buldoni said.

“Okay, I’m giving you 40, 45 days,” Toth said.

The exchange grew even more heated. Buldoni made another remark that the transcript lists as indiscernible.

“Sixty days. Get out of here,” the judge said.

“No, give me 70,” Buldoni said.

“Seventy-five,” Toth said.

The quarrel continued until Buldoni got 180 days.

Did he serve all 180 days? Apparently so, according to Judge Toth. So why was this exchange reported? Because Judge Toth recently had a disciplinary case filed against him as a result of this case!