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I don’t even know if that’s a real drink. But I do know that I don’t expect the dude working at Starbucks to be packing heat. Such was the case at a Washington, DC Starbucks (at 16th and U Streets, NW), as reported by myfoxdc.com. How do we know he was packing? Because he shot himself in the leg! “… while customers and co-workers were close by[!]” I’m guessing that will serve to stimulate much more than anything Starbucks has to offer. The dude, who is doing okay, didn’t have a permit for the gun, and was charged.

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picnic%20table%20round%20metal.jpgThis one is just really, really, really strange. Per wtol.com:

Bellevue Police Captain Matt Johnson says [Mr.] Price … was seen on four occasions between the hours of 10:30 a.m. and noon having sex with his picnic table.

Holy shiznit! So what charge is Mr. Price looking at? A felony!

What makes this a felony, Johnson says, is that it took place in close proximity to a school, which made it likely that children could have seen Price.

And if all that isn’t bad enough, a neighbor videotaped the latest incident. Said Police Captain Johnson,

Once you think you’ve seen it all, something else comes around.

Here’s the source.

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baby%20flipping%20the%20bird%20finger%20fuck%20you%20off.jpg A 9-year-old kid made a bomb! And threw it on his neighbor’s porch, where it exploded! When the neighbor came to the door, the boy flipped him off and ran. As reported by Gannett New Jersey:

The boy made the bomb using three simple household items, police said: a plastic soda bottle, drain cleaner and aluminum foil.

Mixing drain cleaner and aluminum foil creates a gas which, when capped, will eventually explode.

Who knew? Junior, of Millville, New Jersey, is looking at charges of possessing an explosive device and disorderly conduct.

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Mike Timmer, as you will soon discover, is a huge Detroit Red Wings fan. So it naturally figures that he brought an octopus (under his shirt and jacket) to Game 4 of the Red Wings-Avalanche series. Why, you might ask, did he bring the octopus in? Per the Detroit Free Press:

The tradition began in 1952 when a fish merchant threw an octopus on the ice in Detroit because eight victories were then needed to win the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Carrying on a tradition established more than 50 years ago, Timmer chucked the octopus onto the ice of the Pepsi Arena in Denver. Not only did he get booted from the game, he also got busted by the Denver police. For what? “Throwing stones or missiles.” Really.

“It shall be unlawful for any person to throw any stone or other missile upon or at any vehicle, building, tree or other public or private property, or upon or at any person in any public way or place which is public in nature, or on enclosed or unenclosed ground.”

So what happened? Denver Magistrate Catherine Cary dismissed the charges.

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prison.gif New Yorker John McDonald was charged with second-degree assault for attacking a cab driver in Aspen, Colorado. Why? Apparently he was pissed because the cabbie wouldn’t take him somewhere to buy cigarettes. So, said the cabbie, McDonald popped him in the face, breaking at least one bone. (What, that’s a crime?) When McDonald was charged, bail was set at $5,000. He posted it, and left.

Fast forward to January 15th. Per The Aspen Times:

McDonald, who rode a Greyhound bus from New York to Aspen for his court hearing, told District Judge James Boyd that he was broke and needed the $5,000 bond money he put up to get out of jail. Boyd checked repeatedly with McDonald to make sure the suspect knew he was going to be taken into custody.

Here’s the prosecutor’s explanation:

“I’ve never seen it because most people don’t want to go to jail,” Deputy District Attorney Gail Nichols said. “But obviously he doesn’t mind. Essentially he’s revoking his own bond, and hey, why not? Now he has a place to live.”

Such a great place, too. Who wouldn’t revoke their own bond just for the 3 squares? Here’s the rest of the article.

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urine%20cup%20drink%20glass%20straw.jpg Ohio resident Alan David Patton went to great lengths to collect urine … so he could drink it. So a father and his son were trying to use a restroom at Sports Ohio. Per the Columbus Local News:

The father told police there were trash bags covering the toilets and paper cups in the urinals, as well as typed signs in the restroom directing people to use the urinals with the cups in them.

While in the restroom, the father told police he opened a stall and saw a man, sitting on the toilet with a black bag on his lap.

Um, er, nevermind. Mr. Patton was arrested and charged with criminal mischief.

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mad%20angry%20cow%20unhappy%20pissed%20off%20upset.jpg If nothing else, that’s gotta bring some seriously bad karma. As reported by the AP,

Police [in Rogers, Arkansas] are conducting an internal investigation into an allegation that a lieutenant used his stun gun to shock a cow and shared a videotape of the incident with other department employees.

Police Chief Steve Helms said Tuesday the inquiry began after he received a complaint from the group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. A letter dated Feb. 11 from PETA representative Stephanie Bell complained that Lt. David Mitchell filmed himself using the electronic stun device on the cow.

Bell said in the letter that Mitchell distributed the video as a joke among friends and co-workers and she notes that animal cruelty is a misdemeanor crime in Arkansas.

Helms didn’t immediately return a call for comment on Wednesday. City Attorney Ben Lipscomb said Tuesday that the alleged incident happened 2 1/2 years ago, which would be beyond the statute of limitations for misdemeanors. Lipscomb said there would be no point in pursuing a criminal investigation.

Helms said a captain in the department will conduct the investigation and Mitchell will remain on regular duty.

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Hey man, I just find the news. I don’t make this stuff up. I’m not sure I could. Darin Cassler of Burlington, Vermont was arrested for starting a pillow fight, albeit a large one. As reported by The Burlington Free Press:

The pillow pugilism broke out Friday afternoon on Church Street and involved perhaps 50 people, according to a video organizers posted on the social-networking site Facebook. The “fight” wrapped up in less than two minutes, and then a police officer strolled up to the scrum, removed Cassler from the crowd and led him away by the left arm, according to the video.

Asinine. The charge?

[Cpl. Paul] Glynn issued Cassler a citation for disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor that carries a maximum sentence of 60 days in jail and $500 in fines. The statute requires a person to have acted with “intent to cause public inconvenience, or annoyance or recklessly creating a risk thereof” by engaging in “fighting or in violent, tumultuous or threatening behavior,” making “unreasonable” noise, using “abusive or obscene language” in public, disturbing a legal assembly or meeting, or obstructing vehicle or pedestrian traffic.

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Forget about flying first class. Men may soon be asking for “Martz” class. Why? Pilot Martz was flying a helicopter while receiving oral sex from a porn actress! How do we know this? It’s on video! (“The video shows the woman disrobing before engaging Martz in a sex act while the San Diego landscape is passing by the [ahem] cockpit windows,” as reported by the San Diego Union-Tribune.)

In his defense (in filings relating to his pilot’s license) Martz “… said … that the video showed he had his hands on the flight controls while receiving oral sex.” Shazam! I guess if you’re going to fight it, you have to offer something up. So what happened?

[The] judge has upheld the revocation of the license …

Is there any future (in flying) for Mr. Martz?

[He] … will have to reapply for his license next year when the revocation ends.

Did his past record play a part? Perhaps …

Martz is a commercial pilot with a history of FAA violations, including two license suspensions and two revocations going back to the 1980s.

Furthermore…

Lawyers for the federal agency argued Martz’s conduct was careless and reckless. His attention was diverted from flying; the woman’s position prevented him from reaching flight controls; and she could have caused him physical harm that would have precluded him from operating the helicopter, according to Ian Gregor, an FAA spokesman.

And, um, you’ve read Martz’s defense. [Also, “Martz has argued that since the 2005 incident, he served a suspension last year on an unrelated matter and had corrected any defects in his flying skills.”] “Hence, careless and recklessness cannot be made as a finding of fact,” according to Martz’s filing.

Um, yes, they can. The end? Not necessarily. “Martz can appeal the ruling to the NTSB.”

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You know the expression “throwing money out the window?” How about “money to burn?” Well, a man in Taiwan DID BOTH, and was arrested and “charged with public endangerment and destruction of currency,” as reported by news.com.au.

The man tossed the bills [$1 million Taiwan ($30,000 US)] from a taxi in a crowded part of Taichung city on Sunday as people stopped to pick up the cash, Changhua police official Lin Shih-ming said.

That’s not all.

He is believed to have thrown heaps more money on an earlier road trip starting in the capital Taipei.

And …

The man also burned about T$400,000 and had two more sacks of cash …

Why? “He might have had a nervous condition, as his state of mind wasn’t normal,” Lin said. Indeed. And where did the money come from?

“… apparently [from] the proceeds of a property sale …”

Throwing any chance of a good tip right out the window [bah da bing], the taxi driver turned our monied friend over to the police.