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Regular readers know that one of The Juice’s least favorite phrases is “expletive deleted.” So, straight from the indictment (with very brief intro’s) are the f-bombs uttered by Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (and his wife!).

On squeezing some money from his authority to appoint President-Elect Obama’s replacement in the Senate…

ROD BLAGOJEVICH later stated, “I’m going to keep this Senate option for me a real possibility, you know, and therefore I can drive a hard bargain. You hear what I’m saying. And if I don’t get what I want and I’m not satisfied with it, then I’ll just take the Senate seat myself.” Later, ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that the Senate seat “is a fucking valuable thing, you just don’t give it away for nothing.”

In regards to the Senate seat, ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated “I’ve got this thing and it’s fucking golden, and, uh, uh, I’m just not giving it up for fuckin’ nothing. I’m not gonna do it. And, and I can always use it. I can parachute me there.”

Showing his love and respect for President-Elect Obama …

ROD BLAGOJEVICH said that the consultants … are telling him that he has to “suck it up” for two years and do nothing and give this “motherfucker [the President-elect] his senator. Fuck him. For nothing? Fuck him.” ROD BLAGOJEVICH states that he will put “[Senate Candidate 4]” in the Senate “before I just give fucking [Senate Candidate 1] a fucking Senate seat and I don’t get anything.”

ROD BLAGOJEVICH raised the issue of whether the President-elect could help get ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s wife on “paid corporate boards right now.” Advisor A responded that he “think[s] they could” and that a “President elect . . . can do almost anything he sets his mind to.” ROD BLAGOJEVICH states that he will appoint “[Senate Candidate 1] . . . but if they feel like they can do this and not fucking give me anything . . . then I’ll fucking go [Senate Candidate 5].”

Later in the conversation, ROD BLAGOJEVICH said he knows that the President-elect wants Senate Candidate 1 for the Senate seat but “they’re not willing to give me anything except appreciation. Fuck them.”

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Most folks want a clean record. But seriously, would you care if you got busted for jostling? If you would, you best watch your step if you find yourself in Warren, Michigan. From the Warren Code of Ordinances:

Sec. 22-108. Jostling.

It shall be unlawful for a person to be found jostling or roughly crowding people unnecessarily in a public place.

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The Juice’s first reaction upon reading about this was OUCH! This was followed by OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH! That had to hurt – a lot. For a whole bunch of reasons, this dude has to be regretting the piercing. From a report in The Jersey Journal:

A Belmar man was arrested in Downtown Jersey City after allegedly masturbating in front of a sharp-eyed 76-year-old woman who helped identify the man by telling police she noticed his penis was pierced, officials said.

Lionel B. Froloff, 32, was arrested in Hamilton Park at 2:26 p.m. Monday and charged with lewdness and endangering the welfare of children in a nearby playground, reports said.

The woman, who was sitting with her sister, told police she saw Froloff looking at her with a strange expression on his face and then realized what he was doing, reports said.

Arriving officers noticed Froloff had a pierced tongue and when the cop asked if he had any other piercings, Froloff confirmed what his victim had spotted moments earlier, reports said.

The officers said Froloff became angry at police headquarters, used profanity, and insulted one female officer using a racial slur and a second female officer with a sexual suggestion, reports said.

Charming.

Finally, Froloff began complaining of pain in his pants and said the piercing might be infected, reports said. He was taken by ambulance to the Jersey City Medical Center for treatment, reports said.

What a way to cap off the day. Here’s the source.

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It’s like natural law – you don’t have to write it down. It just is. Here’s the natural law in question: You don’t mess with someone’s toothbrush. Period. Tell it to Ms. Deborah Woist who, according to the police, definitely messed with HER SON’S toothbrush. As reported by The Morning Call:

Investigators say Deborah Woist, 52, decided on July 18 to tidy up a bathroom inside her Springtown Hill Road because it hadn’t been cleaned in two months. The problem, police said, is that she used her son’s toothbrush for the job and later returned it to its holder.

Yikes.

The son, 26-year-old Justin Novack, called police claiming his mother applied feces to his tooth brush.

Zoinks. The cops? Yup.

When police arrived at the home, Woist admitted she used the brush for cleaning and then put it back on the holder, police said.

The Juice gives her props for fessin’ up, though the cops clearly didn’t.

Woist was cited for harassment, police said.

So she ends up cleaning the bathroom and getting busted for her unorthodox methods. Harsh.

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Doesn’t everyone like colorful birds? Well, if you’re in Center Line, Michigan, and want to make your drab bird a little more colorful – don’t. Why? In addition to the obvious reasons (so please, PETA, no more emails) because of this law:

Sec. 10-4. Artificially coloring birds.

It shall be unlawful for any person to artificially color, spray or paint any bird or fowl or to sell, offer for sale, or otherwise dispose of any such colored bird or fowl.

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Some bank jobs are planned very well, at least in the movies. This was no movie-type heist. Per a report by wpxi.com:

A North Braddock man is behind bars after police said he robbed a Swissvale bank wearing a blond wig, fake breasts and clown pants.

Swissvale police Chief Greg Geppert said Dennis Hawkins, 48, was sitting in a parked car covered in dye from an exploding packet when he was arrested Saturday.

The most amazing thing about this is that there is still at least one person WHO DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT THE EXPLODING DYE PACK! The suspect stealthily entered the bank… um, not exactly …

Geppert said Hawkins was spotted in a Giant Eagle grocery store before shoplifting a BB gun from K-Mart before entering the bank.

And then?

Authorities said Hawkins robbed the bank at gunpoint then dropped some of it after the dye pack blew up.

The bail? $230,000. Click here for the source, including video footage from the bank.

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Lock the doors! Batten down the hatches! Man the battle stations! Why? The homosexuals are coming! Nooooooooo! As reported by The Arab Times:

KUWAIT CITY, April 29: Capital Governorate securitymen have arrested seven homosexuals for wearing indecent clothes while sea swimming in Sharq.
After receiving information on a group of homosexuals clad in indecent clothes, the securitymen rushed to the location and found some of the homosexuals swimming and others on the seashore. They were referred to the authorities for the necessary legal action.

Certainly the United States has a ways to go, but it ain’t Kuwait.

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Wow. This guy could not have made it easier for the police officer to bust him. He just flat-out looked guilty. From pennlive.com:

Cesar Lopez, a 29-year-old Lebanon, Pa., man, was busted Saturday when he walked up to a police officer with a small bag of marijuana stuck to his forehead, according to Lebanon police.

Police said the officer went into a Turkey Hill convenience store on Lehman Street at 3:25 a.m. Saturday and saw Lopez holding a baseball cap and peering inside it. When Lopez approached the officer, he looked up, and the officer said he saw a small plastic bag stuck to Lopez’s forehead. The bag appeared to contain marijuana, police said.

The officer retrieved the bag from Lopez’s forehead and said, “Is this what you are looking for?,” according to the police report. Lopez was charged with possession of a small amount of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Kind of bizarre, right? Not too.

It is not uncommon for people to hide drugs in the inside lip of a cap, police said.

Here’s the source.

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If you’ve never played doorbell ditch (a/k/a ding dong ditch), well, you’re from Mars. Still, as common as it is, kids who hear this story may think twice about it. And perhaps the “victims” of this harmless prank will think twice about how they react. From an article in the Albany Times-Union:

A lawyer retained by the parents of a 14-year-old prankster tackled by a Delmar homeowner characterized the man as an over-aggressive vigilante.

The attorney’s account of the incident challenged the folk hero status a deluge of online commentators have granted 37-year-old homeowner Daniel P. Van Plew since the incident Saturday night when the boy rang his doorbell and tried to run away with three friends.

What do you think?

“He (Van Plew) crossed the line. He never should have used that kind of force when he realized it was a 14-year-old who’s a small kid,” said attorney Kristie Hanson, who represents the teen’s parents, Rob and Ann Madeo of Glenmont.

The boy, whose name is being withheld because of his age, is 5-foot-7 and 120 pounds. Van Plew is 5-foot-11, 170 pounds and plays hockey.

Speaking on behalf of the Madeos at her Rotterdam law office on Thursday, Hanson alleged that Van Plew tackled the teen on the asphalt roadway of Egmont Court more than 100 feet beyond his property line, roughly dragged the boy back inside his house with his arms pinioned behind his back, forced him to sit on the floor and said he was going to kill the boy if he tried to leave.

Both Van Plew and the police report stated that the Madeo boy was brought down in the homeowner’s yard, an important legal distinction because a homeowner is afforded more protection in a case of self-defense that occurs on one’s property compared to off the property.

Hanson said the three other teens engaged with the Madeo boy in “ding-dong ditch” concur that Van Plew tackled the teen off the homeowner’s property. “People have a right to defend their homes and property, but when they leave their property to effect a citizen’s arrest, the use of force has to be reasonable based on the crime committed,” said Lt. Robert Berben.

Interesting, right? You can read more – a fair amount – by clicking here.

Update: Mr. Van Plew was charged and … the charges were dropped. Read about it here.

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Ieshuh Griffin of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, surely must believe in the old adage that “there is no such thing as bad publicity.” Otherwise, why would this candidate for the Wisconsin state assembly want to place the words “not the whiteman’s bitch” next to her name on the ballot?

Snap! She may want to use those words (she can pick 5 words to go next to her name on the ballot), but will she be allowed to? Almost, but … nope. As reported by www.CBS58.com:

After first saying she couldn’t use the phrase on the grounds that it’s obscene and derogatory, the state’s Government Accountability Board voted 3-2 Wednesday to allow it. However, four votes were needed for the reversal, so as of now, Griffin will only have “independent” next to her name on the ballot.

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