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So you didn’t hear about the sale at Macy’s where, for a very limited time, everything was $5? Well, there is a catch. There’s always a catch. As reported by wpbf.com:

Vasthi Marseille and Marline Santelus were arrested Thursday on charges of grand theft and organized scheme to defraud.

Wait. You’re arresting them for buying things on sale?

Police said the women [Macy’s employees] selected almost $1,000 worth of merchandise that they manually marked down to $5 apiece while working at the Macy’s in the Town Center at Boca Raton.

Yeah. Who would ever figure that out? It’s not like it would be in the computer or anything. The back story of this brilliant crime is truly fascinating:

According to the arrest report, Marseille said she knew of another sales associate “who had done unauthorized price adjustments for other employees in the past,” so she figured “why not?”

Or not. Here’s the source, with photos of the ladies.

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Have you ever heard of an ice cream truck driver – while parked – getting hurt on the job? Well, you’re about to. And it’s a strange one. As reported by The Salt Lake Tribune:

A Taylorsville woman is accused of spraying an industrial-strength cleaning solution in the eyes of an ice cream truck driver because she thought the treats were too expensive.

The Juice doesn’t even know where to begin with this one.

The driver’s “eyes burned,” and she was hospitalized after the Aug. 7 confrontation at an apartment complex near 700 West Mackinac Drive, police wrote in charges filed Monday.

According to court documents, the suspect approached the driver and ordered her to leave. When the driver did not leave, the woman sprayed the truck’s windows then sprayed the driver multiple times in the face with Mean Green cleaner, police wrote.

Clearly this is a woman with major issues.

The woman later told police she sprayed the ice cream truck driver because “she charges too much for ice cream,” investigators wrote. When the officer arrested her, she tried to pull away and threatened him, saying she would “sock [the officer] in the face” and “kick [the officer] in the balls,” police wrote.

So, instead of paying an extra, say, dollar, she’s looking at charges of … “assault, assault against a peace officer, interference with an arresting officer and committing a violent offense in the presence of a child.” Brilliant! Here’s the source.

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You’re really going to make a federal case over a can of beans? Well, yes. Because that was no ordinary can of beans, as reported by The Hartford Courant.

Police on Saturday arrested a Fair Haven man who they say received a kilogram of cocaine through the mail that had been hidden inside cans of beans.

So maybe it was a few cans of beans.

William Suarez-Claudio, 26, of 63 Market St., was charged with possession of narcotics with intent to sell ten ounces or more of narcotics and possession of narcotics with intent to sell within 1500-feet of a school. The drugs had a value of more than $100,000, police said.

Who spilled the beans?

Officers from the New Haven police department’s Tactical Narcotics Unit, working with inspectors from the U.S. Postal Service in Connecticut, intercepted a parcel that had been mailed in Puerto Rico.

After obtaining a search warrant, police opened the package and discovered the cocaine. It had been divided and hidden inside sealed cans of kidney beans. The beans had been removed and replaced with water. The cocaine had been compressed into large chunks, wrapped in plastic and covered with petroleum jelly, police said.

The parcel was delivered to 63 Market Street, first floor, where it was received by the first floor resident, Suarez-Claudio, police said.

Snap! It’s the fuzz. Head for the back door!

Suarez-Claudio attempted to flee through the rear of the apartment building as officers were coming through the front door to execute a warrant, but police stationed in the back yard took him into custody. Suarez-Claudio had the parcel in hand as he attempted to flee, police said.

Should have known they always cover the back door, at least on TV. Here’s the source.

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Sure was nice of the police officer to offer this dude a ride home on a cold night. Sure was dumb of the dude to accept. As reported by the Cleveland.com (Parma Sun Post):

Police saw the man walking on Broadview at about 2:40 a.m. Dec. 11. Because it was cold, the officer offered him a ride to a house on Meadowlane Road. While patting him down, police found marijuana [and arrested him].

Doh!

The man also was wanted on a warrant from a municipal court.

Doh! Here’s the source.

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Sure, everyone is forgetful occasionally. But some things you just can’t forget. Like that you left your baby in the car … for 40 minutes. It happened in Colorado Springs. This is from the Colorado Springs Police Blotter:

Incident Date: June 24, 2010 – Time: 1:30:00 PM – Location: Panera Bread Restaurant

Summary: On the above date and time, officers from the Gold Hill Division were dispatched to the Panera Bread Restaurant to investigate the report of a child that had been left in a car. Officers determined that a 9 month old child had inadvertently been left in a locked car in the parking lot for approximately 40 minutes while the parents had gone into the restaurant for a meal. When the parents came out and realized their mistake, they took immediate actions to call the police and medical personnel.

Two questions: 1) HOW DO BOTH PARENTS FORGET ABOUT A CHILD FOR 40 MINUTES? 2) How can it possibly take you 40 minutes to eat at Panera? Back to the report ..

They took first-aid steps for their child’s welfare and the child recovered and was responsive on scene. The baby was transported to Memorial Hospital (Central) as a precautionary measure for evaluation. There was no indication of any injury to the child and he was released to the custody of the parents.

So what do you think? Crime or no crime?

After an exhaustive investigation and consultation with appropriate agencies, no criminal charges were filed in this case. This incident serves as a reminder that leaving children unattended in a vehicle is dangerous and potentially fatal.

Really? Perhaps the reminder would be a little more powerful if the parents were punished!

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It sounds crazy, right? A light saber beating a taser? But it happened. It all started one night … as reported by kgw.com (Portland, Oregon) …

Officers were dispatched to the [Toys R Us] store shortly before 10 p.m., Wednesday on reports that the man had already assaulted three customers with [two ‘Star Wars’ light sabers]. None of them was injured.

Before officers arrived, dispatchers were told the man had walked out into the parking lot, still swinging the swords. Police found the man in the lot talking incoherently.

An officer tried to use a taser, but the device failed. A second Taser also failed after the man used the light sabers to break one of the wires, Simpson said.

You doubted The Juice? The light saber neutralized the taser! So, it had to be done the old-fashioned way.

Officers then rushed the man, taking him to the ground as he struggled violently and continued to shout nonsense.

David A. Canterbury, 33, was placed on a police hold at a hospital for a mental evaluation.

The charges?

He was cited for three counts of fourth-degree assault, second-degree disorderly conduct, third-degree theft, resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer.

Here’s the source, including a photo.

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You come between this lady and her beer, YOU WILL PAY. And it doesn’t matter if you’re her husband. As reported by TCPalm.com:

The husband on Dec. 9 showed Fort Pierce police a cellphone video of his wife, Tricia Renee Habeb, searching for beer in the refrigerator.

“The suspect became irate at the fact the victim put her beer in the garbage can,” an affidavit states.

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It’s not like Ms. McCollister (of Garnerville, Nevada) just gave her son the keys and said “drive.” She had him sit on her lap! How drunk was she? .299! To put that in context, having simply read a BAC that high, you should be buzzed. How did Ms. McCollister get to this point? As reported by The Record-Courier:

McCollister told District Judge Dave Gamble on Tuesday that she had been drinking all that weekend. She said she invited an acquaintance to stay at her home because she was in the process of obtaining a temporary restraining order against her husband and she was afraid to be alone.

“He (the houseguest) kept pressuring me to take him home. He drove himself home, and we were in the car. I was pretty much passed out all the way. He pulled into his driveway and just left us there. There was another lady with us, but she didn’t have her glasses, so she refused to drive. I had my son get on my lap and drive us,” McCollister said.

Other than lying, there may be nothing judges despise more than the failure to accept responsibility for your actions. Judge Gamble is no exception:

“You just gave me the identities of three or four people whose fault this was, and none of it was yours,” Gamble said. “As long as you think this was anyone else’s fault but yours, I have no reason to show any leniency toward you, and you’ll get no good out of this.

“All that conspired from your perspective to force you to commit felony child abuse. That’s nonsense,” Gamble said. “Next time you’re in here, I hope I don’t hear a pocketful of excuses for the absolute evilness and irrationality of putting your son on your lap while you’re drunk and driving you home.”

And if you’re wondering how she got caught, not surprisingly, it turns out a 12-year-old drives a lot like a drunkard.

She was arrested Oct. 17 near the intersection of El Dorado Drive and Village Way in Gardnerville after a Douglas County reserve deputy reported seeing a brown Buick headed north on Highway 395 weaving in and out of the travel lane and varying its speed.

The witness said he passed the vehicle and saw a child in the driver’s seat. According to the sheriff’s report, he and a deputy contacted McCollister after the vehicle stopped near her residence.

So what is she looking at? … up to five years in prison and a $10,000 fine at her Dec. 14 sentencing [after pleading guilty to attempted child abuse or neglect]. And if the situation wasn’t bad enough …

A woman and a 7-year-old child also were in the vehicle.

And …

McCollister is to appear Jan. 5 in East Fork Justice Court for sentencing on a second conviction of driving under the influence to which she plead guilty Oct. 20.

It’s not that The Juice is unsympathetic to this woman’s problem with alcohol. It’s just that there is no excuse for putting the lives of your child and others in jeopardy. Here’s the source, including a photo.

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Yup. A 30-year-old Toronto man was riding the bus. After making eye contact with the man next to him, the friendly guy said “hello.” This was too much for the unfriendly guy, who, as reported in The National Post, then asked

Why do you say hello to me? I don’t know you.

Um, er, okay. Nevermind. No such luck for the friendly guy.

The victim apologized on the bus, and again when they got off, but the man pulled out a knife and stabbed him. The victim was taken to hospital and received numerous stitches.

Friendly guy is doing alright. Unfriendly guy remains at large.

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Probably every generation, as they age, at some point says “kids these days!” That day came for a certain New Yorker, as reported by The Bee Newspapers (New York):

A Redleaf Lane resident reported three teenage males were carrying a baseball bat and a golf club. The complainant told police the youths were not “using them for the appropriate sports.”

Hmm.

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