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After reading this post, you will agree that no man will EVER mess with this woman. Hell, no man will even get within grabbing distance of her. Warning to male Juice readers: you may feel this man’s pain. As reported by wbtv.com:

Police in Shelby [North Carolina] say they arrested a woman over the weekend after she squeezed a man’s testicles out of his scrotum.

Joyce Maxine Gregory, 35, is charged with malicious castration and assault inflicting serious bodily injury, according to Shelby Police Chief Jeff Ledford.

YEOW! But why?

Police say Gregory got into an argument with an older man Saturday morning. When he went outside to call 911 she followed him and grabbed his scrotum.

The man ran to a nearby rescue squad building for help.

How could you possibly run after that? As for the perp …

Police were sent to the residence on Bowman Street to arrest Gregory. When she was placed in the patrol car, she pulled down her pants and urinated in the backseat.

Nice touch, right? You’ll find the source here, including a mug shot.

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Sure, some people don’t get along with their in-laws. And some parents don’t get along with their kids’ spouses. But this? A whole ‘nother level, as reported in The Las Cruces Sun-News:

A 44-year-old woman who allegedly ripped her daughter-in-law’s nipple off during a drunken argument could be facing criminal charges, the 3rd Judicial District Attorney’s Office confirmed Wednesday.

Ouch, ouch, ouch!

It’s believed to be the first time a local victim has suffered a body part being torn from them, said Chief Deputy District Attorney Amy Orlando.

Ya think?

The victim told officers she, her husband, his mother and one of her husband’s friends had spent Saturday night drinking …

Wait, alcohol was involved?

Sometime after 3 a.m., the victim’s husband had started arguing with his mother, and because it was becoming “very intense,” the victim went to stand in between the two to separate them.

Uh-oh.

When the victim began arguing with her 44-year-old mother-in-law, the older woman allegedly “grabbed (the victim’s) right breast and began to squeeze and pull on her nipple.” The victim yelled to stop, but her mother-in-law allegedly continued to pull until the younger woman began punching her in the face, according to the police report.

The victim then told police she threw her mother-in-law into the yard, but the older woman allegedly kicked in the back door and had to be physically removed again. It was when the victim was putting her mother-in-law’s belongings in the yard that she felt fluid on her breast and realized there was blood on her shirt.

When she untucked her tank top, her nipple fell on the floor, she told police.

YEOW! Can you fix that? …

… doctors were already in the process of reattaching the nipple to the 30-year-old victim’s breast [when Las Cruces police officers responded to Memorial Medical Center on Sunday morning].

Whew.

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The love that siblings have for each other is special. Of course, that doesn’t apply if they have no love for each other. In those cases, the feelings they have for each other can be “special” too. As reported by The Oregonian:

Don Fred Stoll [age 58] is accused of using a hatchet to attack and injure his 60-year-old brother, Russell Stoll, according to Milwaukie [Oregon] police.

Yes, that there’s the hatchet above (from the Milwaukie Police Department). This next bit is truly going to shock you.

Investigators say alcohol was a factor in the fight.

No! Alcohol? Who would have even suspected that? Not to worry, though.

Russell Stoll had injuries that were not life-threatening, and he was treated at Providence Milwaukie Hospital.

As for his little brother …

Don Fred Stoll was arrested and taken to the Clackamas County jail. He is charged with second degree assault and unlawful use of a weapon.

Not cool, Donny. Not cool. Here’s the source.

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Perhaps the thief was so excited about nearly completing his mission, that he forgot to steal the charger! As reported by The Daily Mail:

A gold-plated vibrator has been stolen from a luxury sex shop in Brazil after an armed raider stormed into the shop and demanded staff hand over the item.

Police say the man walked into the Brasilia store, tied up the sales assistant and then took the 18-carat gold sex toy from the display case. He left without taking anything else. The sex toy sells for $4,000, or £2,600.

Store owner Vanessa Baldini, told the G1 news website, the robber might not get any satisfaction from Wednesday’s theft.

Why not?

… the robber didn’t take the charger for the sex toy.

Doh! And if you’re thinking perhaps he did it for the gold plating …

[The store owner] said the Swedish-made vibrator has a stainless steel core, making removing any gold plating extremely difficult.

A few days later … Um, excuse me. Do you sell chargers separately? … Here’s the source, with a photo of the spoils.

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Who knew a couple mankinis would cause such a fuss? As reported by the BBC:

Two students who dressed up as the TV character Borat are at the centre of a row in Vietnam.

The pair performed a dance act at a company party dressed as the spoof Kazakh journalist in his notoriously skimpy “mankini” swimming costume.

They have now found themselves suspended from college for 12 months.

The incident, dubbed the “nude dance of FPT Arena students”, has stirred up a storm on internet forums and also in the domestic media.

The leading technology firm FPT owns the college where the two performers were studying design.

In a statement, FPT Arena said the organisers of the party did not know about the act in advance, adding that two of the firm’s executives had been sacked over the incident.

Hanoi Cultural Inspectorate on Tuesday fined the college 4m dong ($240; £135) for a number of offences including “use of improper clothing”.

You can read more here.

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If you went to law school, you probably read the title of the post and thought, hmm, that sounds like a question on a law school exam. If you’re a normal person, you probably thought “finders, keepers.” So, who gets the money? As reported by azcentral.com:

An Arizona court says a man’s heirs are entitled to $500,000 cash that was found in the walls of his former home years after he died.

The Court of Appeals ruling Thursday upholds a judge’s decision that the money, stashed in ammunition cans inside the walls, belongs to Robert Spann’s estate.

Spann died in 2001. According to the ruling, his daughters found stocks, bonds, cash and gold hidden in his suburban Phoenix home before they sold it seven years later.

The couple who bought the home in Paradise Valley claimed the cash after a worker found it in the walls during kitchen and bathroom remodeling.

We’re rich! We’re rich! No? Exactly how is that money not the property of the current homeowner?

The Court of Appeals said that legally, the money was only mislaid, not abandoned, so it still belonged to Spann’s estate.

Lawyers: Yes, of course. Normal folks: WTF are you talking about? Here’s the source.

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Yes, it’s important to follow the law. And yes, sometimes the state must pursue cases based on principle. But this case? Really? As reported by The Juneau Empire, here’s what happened:

Prosecutors said 19-year-old Tyler John Leatham angrily pushed over and damaged a trash can receptacle in the lobby of the fast food restaurant after he didn’t receive the correct amount of change back for his meal.

Hang him! Here’s how Mr. Leatham described it:

Outside the courtroom, Leatham told the Empire it wasn’t even his money that was in question. Leatham said he and his friend were going through the drive-thru for breakfast around 7 a.m. that morning, and his friend accidently handed the cashier an extra $10 that he thought was a $1 bill.

His friend went inside the restaurant to talk to management, but to no avail. After waiting inside the car for 15 minutes, Leatham said he went inside to see what was going on.

One of the managers told Leatham she was going to call the police, which Leatham said made him frustrated. He pushed the trash can over on the way out of the door, a fact which Higgins told the judge he conceded.

He admitted it! Guilty! Not so fast. Check out the charge:

Leatham was charged with fourth-degree criminal mischief for intentionally causing damage to property in an amount of $50 or more, but less than $500.

Assistant Attorney General Chris Peloso said the receptacle cost about $940 to replace.

Even though The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, the defense is relatively obvious (at least it is after reading the story …)

An invoice for the $940 replacement cost was submitted to the court.

Wait for it …

But defense attorney Kevin Higgins argued the critical element for valuation under criminal mischief statutes is the amount of damage caused by the defendant, not simply the value of the damaged property.

The amount of damage has to be established through evidence showing either diminution in value or cost of repair, Higgins said.

“Diminution in value is measured by determining the difference between the pre-damage value of the property and the post-damage value of the property,” Higgins wrote in his motion to acquit which he submitted to the court after the state rested its case. “The cost of repair is also an acceptable method of valuing property damage…. Replacement cost is an unacceptable measure of the amount of damage.”

Bam!

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If you want to vote for Eddie Gonzalez for Congress, you can’t. But you can vote for VoteForEddie.com. As reported in The Miami Herald:

Unknown independent Eddie Gonzalez probably knew he’d get little money, no attention and have almost no shot against popular Republican incumbent Rep. Mario Diaz Balart.

So Gonzalez did the logical thing. He legally changed his name to “VoteForEddie.com.”

Wait. You can do that?

Gonzalez…..er… VoteForEddie.com petitioned a Miami-Dade judge to have his new name on the ballot and, viola …

Here’s the source.

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It’s almost like someone said “cue the drunk driver.” As reported by cbslocal.com (Sacramento):

Reporter Doug Brauner, known as “The Car Czar” and host of his own show on cars, was reporting live for Good Day Sacramento Thursday morning when the incident took place at the intersection of Bell Street and El Camino Avenue in Sacramento. Brauner, along with CHP officer Adrian Quintero, were giving viewers tips on crosswalk etiquette.

And … action!

Brauner was standing on the corner and had a green light to cross the street. He was about to step into the crosswalk when the driver of a black truck failed to stop and peeled out as the truck made a right turn and sped off.

As Brauner said in shock “Really! Really?,” Officer Quintero turned on his patrol car lights and took off after the truck.

And?

Later, in another live television segment, Brauner reported that Officer Quintero had pulled the driver over. After conducting a field sobriety test, the driver was arrested for drunk driving.

Here’s the source, with a video of the story.

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If you send nude photos of yourself, to ANYONE, it really is on you if they end up being published. But Instagram? By a “friend”? It’s still on the vic, but man is that cold. As reported by the Burlington County Times (Pennsylvania):

Police are investigating a case of privacy invasion during which nude photographs of a 22-year-old woman were posted online without her permission.

The unidentified victim told authorities that someone created a fake profile in her name with the photo-sharing application Instagram and uploaded the photos to the website, police said Friday.

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