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A recent police blotter from The Hamilton Spectator (Ontario, Canada) has several examples of just how stupid people can be when they’re drunk. Of course, it might not be any different when they’re sober … but at least they wouldn’t put the lives of others at risk. This dipstick apparently forgot that McDonald’s is a fast food “restaurant” …

Staff at McDonald’s call police when a man ordering food at the drive thru appears to be drunk. They stall the customer until officers arrive. The 26-year-old Hamilton man is charged with impaired driving and refusing to give a breath sample.

Briliant! Being that The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, he gets especially pissed at dolts who flee the scene, like this guy.

A driver involved in a collision at Upper Wentworth and the Linc leaves the scene at 3:15 a.m. Half hour later, police locate the suspect trying to change a flat tire, stalled going the wrong direction on the eastbound QEW at the Red Hill. A 34-year-old Hamilton man is charged with fail to remain, impaired driving and over 80.

A well-deserved flat tire. This next miscreant is a bit more run-of-the-mill.

Witnesses call police at 1:20 a.m. when a woman who appears intoxicated leaves a variety store and gets into a vehicle. Officers find the woman asleep in the driver’s seat with the car running. The 44-year-old from Hamilton is charged with impaired and over 80.

Good idea, that, going to the variety store when you’re hammered.

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Not sure how The Juice missed this one last week. One thing’s for sure – this gent wishes he’d missed. Yes, that’s cryptic. Here’s some clarification, as reported by NewsOn6.Com?

Police were called to Southwest Medical Center on Saturday, July 14, after a man came into the emergency room with a gunshot wound. Police questioned Tavares Donnell Colbert and told them he was on his way to sell a gun when he accidentally shot himself.

According to Colbert, he was on his way to S.E. 44th and Shields when he pulled over to the check the gun. He said he’d had problems with it earlier and wanted to make sure it was functioning properly.

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(Pretty provocative title, right? The Juice is looking forward to the MADD emails.) Who is a better driver: a drunk 40-year-old or … a 13-year-old boy? Unfortunately, the drunk guy did not give himself the choice of “none of the above.” As reported by The Seattle Times, he went with … the boy.

The jerky driving and constant braking was an indicator of an inexperienced driver, but when the trooper pulled the sedan over in SeaTac on Sunday he was more than surprised by who was behind the wheel.

The driver, a 13-year-old boy, told the trooper that it was his first time behind the wheel, according to the State Patrol. His father, 40, had apparently been drinking at a house and had his son drive them home, said Trooper Julie Startup, recalling the conversation she had with the colleague who stopped the Lincoln on Sunday afternoon.

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Trust The Juice ladies. This is a good thing. Why? Because fornication is a crime. And ALL the fellas get caught up in the dragnet, while the married ladies get a pass.

609.34 Fornication.

When any man and single woman have sexual intercourse with each other, each is guilty of fornication, which is a misdemeanor. [emphasis added]

Not so fast there, married ladies. Don’t forget about adultery!

609.36 Adultery.

Subdivision 1. Acts constituting. When a married woman has sexual intercourse with a man other than her husband, whether married or not, both are guilty of adultery and may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than one year or to payment of a fine of not more than $3,000, or both. [emphasis added]

So, if you’re keeping score at home, married men can fornicate, but married women can’t. And single men can commit adultery, but single women can’t. Time to change these laws?

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Lots of people don’t like cats. Probably 99.99% of those people just ignore them. But not this woman. Fortunately, the cat’s owner had a security camera that caught the whole thing on video. Per The Courier Mail:

The bespectacled, grey-haired woman, who appears to be in her 50s, was filmed about 8pm local time Saturday walking along Stephanie and Darryl Mann’s street in Coventry.

In the recording, the woman spots the Manns’ four-year-old rescue cat Lola and strokes it tenderly before suddenly grabbing her by the scruff of the neck and calmly dumping her in a rubbish bin before closing the lid and walking away.

How do you do that? Let’s hope she doesn’t have kids … And what about the cat?

The couple found Lola some 15 hours later when they heard the cat meowing in the bin. Lola has since recovered from the ordeal.

Cruella remains at large.

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It’s called a “car wash,” not a “man wash.” No doubt these four guys knew that, but decided to give it a shot anyway – NAKED! As reported by the Courier Mail:

Four young men who were caught cooling off naked inside a central Queensland car wash have been warned their prank could have had much more serious consequences.

The two 19-year-olds and two 23-year-old men paid $17 for the full service during a night out in Biloela early Sunday morning, then stripped off and ran around inside as their girlfriends filmed them.

Police patrolling the area put a stop to the “fun” before the wash hit full-cycle.

Good thing because …

A service station attendant said the high pressure sprayers had the potential to remove skin and “could’ve blown their eyes out of their sockets”.

Think what it could have done to their b_ _ _ _ _ _ ks! Said the fuzz:

“They were stopped before it went too far. They could have been seriously injured.”

Um. Yeah. So that’s the crime. The time?

… the men were warned of the danger of high-pressure cleaners and issued with notices to appear in court for public nuisance and willful exposure.

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There is no substitute for proofreading. And to all you kids out there (don’t hate The Juice for saying this) “spell check” is not proofreading. Heresy! But as for the importance of proofreading, check out this story from the Jakarta Globe:

A single clerical error can change the course of one’s life. Just ask Kamjai Khong Thavorn, 53, a Thai national who spent nearly three extra years in the maximum-security Pasir Putih Penitentiary in Nusakambangan, West Java, because of a typing error.

Kamjai was due for release in 2007 after a 20-year sentence he received in 1987 for heroin possession, but up until Wednesday, he was still behind bars. 

Having spent an extra three years in jail for no fault of his own, Kamjai was promptly released on Thursday after a chance meeting with Justice Minister Patrialis Akbar, who happened to be visiting the prison for an inspection. 



“Kamjai was released this morning and taken by immigration officials from Cilacap to the Thai Embassy in Jakarta,” Pasir Putih’s warden, Sutrisman, told the Jakarta Globe. 

Kamjai was arrested in Samarinda, East Kalimantan, on Aug. 20, 1987, for possession of 17.76 kilograms of heroin and sentenced to life in prison. His sentence was reduced to 20 years by a presidential decree. However, the decree mistakenly stated his first year in prison as 1997, instead of 1987.

Sutrisman said no relatives came to pick the inmate up from prison, so the nearest immigration office, in Cilacap, transported him to his embassy. 

“We realized the mistake that was made. So he was released unconditionally and immigration officials accompanied him to Jakarta without waiting for further response from the Thai Embassy,” Sutrisman said. Kamjai was “happy and enthusiastic” as he left the prison, the warden said. 

When Patrialis visited his maximum-security cell on Wednesday, Kamjai used the occasion to complain that he should have been released in 2007. 

Kompas newspaper reported that the minister assured the inmate he would be released the next day, causing Kamjai to burst into tears.

So he would still be in jail if not for this chance encounter. Damn! Here’s the source.

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How embarrassing? Check this out, as reported by The Telegraph:

A man who was caught drink-driving in a toy car with a top speed of 4mph has been banned from driving.

Paul Hutton, 40, was pulled over by police as he drove an electric Barbie car, which moves slower than a mobility scooter, near his home in Essex. Mr Hutton, who has four children Simon, 17, Calum, 14, Laina, 12, and John, 11, admitted being a ‘complete twit’.

Speaking after the hearing at Colchester magistrates court, he said: “You have to be a contortionist to get in, and then you can’t get out. “I was very surprised to get done for drink-driving but I was a twit to say the least. “It is designed for three-to-five-year-olds.

“Originally it was a pink Barbie car but I put bigger wheels on it but it’s not fast. “I’m not unhappy with my punishment, just a little bit surprised.”

Mr Hutton, who is divorced, is a former RAF aeronautical engineer who now studies electrical engineering at Colchester Institute. He explained: “I’m in the third year of my electrical engineering course and it was a little project I was doing with my son who is doing a car mechanics course. “When it was done I couldn’t resist the temptation to take it out.

“Mr Hutton, was found to be twice the drink-drive limit, he said. Appearing before magistrates last week, he admitted driving the toy car while drunk. He was given a mandatory three-year ban because he had received another drink-drive ban within the past ten years. Magistrates also gave him a 12-month conditional discharge and ordered him to pay £85 court costs.

Chairman of the bench Neil Munson said: “This is most unusual. “I have never seen the like of it in 15 years on the bench.

“The vehicle is not even capable of doing the speed of a mobility scooter and could be outrun by a pedestrian. “Taking this into account, we feel we can impose a sentence of a conditional discharge for a period of 12 months.”

The car was confiscated by police until the hearing but Mr Hutton now hopes to get it back.

Here’s the source, including a photo of the driver.




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One would think, as these two men did, that robbing a pizza delivery guy, while not that lucrative, would be a low-risk crime – even more so if the would-be robbers had shotguns. One would be wrong, at least in this case from Columbus, Ohio. Per 10tv.com:

According to police, the Padova’s Pizza delivery driver was delivering a pizza when two men armed with shotguns approached him, in the 5000 block of Hatfield Dr., at about 11:45 p.m. Monday.

The driver, who was licensed to carry a gun, told the men to stay away from him. When the men continued to approach the driver, he shot at them. One of the alleged would-be robbers was found a short distance away, on Rutledge Drive, with wounds to his face, chest and thigh.

Shazam!

“He immediately pulled out his gun, fired five to six rounds, definitely hit one that we know of,” said Madison Township police Det. James Galvin.

The man who was struck by bullets, identified as 20-year-old Cortez Bradley, was transported to Grant Medical Center. Investigators said that the second suspected robber, Bradley’s 16-year-old cousin, fled the scene and sent a text messages to family members, indicating that he was shot twice.

Though it worked out okay this time, you’d be correct if you assumed that this is not the owner’s policy.

Padova’s Pizza owner Robert Steven said that he has been robbed a number of times and said that he gives all his employees the same advice.

“My drivers are told to give them what they want and get out of there,” Steven said.

Good advice. Fortunately for the delivery man, he didn’t pay a price for ignoring it. Click here for the source.