Articles Posted in Yikes

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You hear “police chase,” you think of police cars chasing a car, usually a drunk driver. Not this time. Sure, the police were in cars, but not the “perp.” He was on foot, and naked! And the cops bothered to chase him way too long, as reported by wpxi.com:

Police in Beaver County said a naked man led them on a three-mile foot chase through several communities.

Three miles!

Investigators said the man was first spotted near a busy intersection with a lot of traffic on April 20.

A groundskeeper for a nearby cemetery said he was shocked when he saw the man without any clothes on roaming the streets.

“We were working and I saw out of the corner of my eye this flash go by. I looked and I saw his naked butt go by. I didn’t need to see anymore,” said Mike Zorich.

Zorich said the man ran past him and kept running through Beaver Falls Cemetery. “He went by in a flash and that was the end of it,” Zorich said.

Well, maybe that should have been the end of it. But no way was this naked guy going to getting away with it?!

Police estimate he made it through three townships and ran about three miles completely nude through several wooded areas before they were able to catch up with him.

Investigators said they eventually were able to catch him while he was wading through a creek. Police said they have no idea why he was in the water.

The charges?

Carlos Noel Pena, 24, was charged with open lewdness.

Really? Open lewdness? Truly an excellent use of police resources. Here’s the source.

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If someone calls the cops on their spouse, chances are it’s going to be for a good reason. This case, out of Fort Wayne, Indiana, is no exception. As reported by WANE:

According to a Fort Wayne Police Department report, when an officer arrived at the 517 Lawton Place apartment, Elizabeth Gibson said she and her husband Kelly had been in an argument and he had gone upstairs to huff paint.

Wait, so that’s not the way most domestic arguments end?

The report said since she was afraid to go inside, she handed the officer her keys and followed him up.

When the officer opened the door, the entire apartment smelled of paint fumes and Kelly was found sitting on the couch with his shirt off, and his hands, mouth, nose and chin covered in silver paint.

And in case you don’t think that evidence is damning enough …

Police said Kelly had a can of silver spray paint in his right hand and a paint-covered plastic bag in his left.

The officer said Kelly had a dazed, glassy-eyed look about him and was unsteady on his feet.

Kelly was taken to the Allen County Jail and charged with inhaling toxic vapors.

So, regarding the title of the post:

This incident was the 48th time Kelly was charged with inhaling since 1992.

Yikes. Here’s the source, including the mug shot. Get this man some help.

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Like this young man who is running for Congress in Illinois, The Juice believes that pretty much everyone deserves a second chance. Just one problem for him, he used it, along with a third chance, and a fourth … Said Matthew Woodmancy of Peoria, as reported by The Peoria Journal Star:

“I learned the most from the felony. It was stupid. There are no and there should not be any excuses for it,” Woodmancy said Thursday. “I know it makes things more difficult. I’ve always thought things worth doing in life weren’t supposed to be easy. It was a huge, stupid mistake, but everyone deserves a second chance.”

You learned “most” from the felony? So you were good after that? Well, not exactly. Here they are, pretty much in order:

[The felony:] Woodmancy, who is on probation until 2013, said he was convicted of criminal theft for stealing from a family member and that person’s now-shuttered Bloomington-based business in 2006. He was sentenced to jail time, probation and $45,000 in fines and restitution, Woodmancy said.

After the crime he learned “the most” from …

In 2008, Woodmancy was charged with misdemeanor battery and pleaded guilty. He explained he was defending his mother during an altercation.

And then…

He also pleaded guilty in 2009 to driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol and has more than a dozen other traffic tickets, including driving on a suspended license. Woodmancy said his license has been revoked and most of his fines from the traffic tickets have been referred to collections.

Apparently there’s a significant lag time between the event and the learning from it. Regarding his past, said Mr. Woodmancy:

“While I am not proud of the darker chapters in my life, I firmly believe they have helped shape me into the man I am today. There is not and can never be excuses for what I did.” …

“I allowed my darker demons out-shout my better angels,” he said. “I have turned my life around, thanks to the help of friends and family, and now want to continue upon a dream I have had since I was a small boy, the dream of serving my fellow Americans in public office.”

Even though it’s all public record, props to Mr. Woodmancy for releasing his complete criminal record to the press. Here’s the source.

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If you want to be sure you’ll be caught and convicted, just commit the crime in a courtroom, in front of the judge. As reported by y100.com:

A Broward woman is hospitalized with a broken nose and broken bones in her cheek after she’s allegedly attacked by her husband in divorce court on Friday.

28-year-old Paul Gonzalez of Fort Lauderdale walked out of the hearing, then returned and started punching 23 year old Catherine Ann Scott-Gonzalez, 23, in front of the judge and lawyers.

That’s a lot of anger right there. And even after the attack …

BSO [Broward Sheriff’s Office] says Gonzalez refused to put his hands out to be cuffed so they tasered the ex-Marine – twice.

He’s charged with felony battery, domestic violence and resisting arrest .

Here’s the source.

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If you’ve never been mad at your parents, then …There’s really no need to finish that sentence.

But have you ever attacked one of your parents? While the parent was driving? Who would do that? Well … per the Northwest Florida Daily News:

A 16-year-old girl was riding in the passenger seat attacking her mother while she was driving, according to a Nicevile Police report.

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(Photo courtesy of Raul Lieberwirth)

Here’s a tale of smoker who really, really wanted a cigarette. As reported in the Colorado Springs Police Blotter (April 8, 2011):

Officers were dispatched on a panicked call for help by a 24 year old resident of the Summer Grove Apartments, located near the intersection of N. Academy Boulevard and Austin Bluffs Parkway. The victim was an acquaintance of the 26 year old suspect. Santos Santier knocked on the door of our victim and requested a cigarette. Angered that he was awakened [at 1:00 a.m.] for such a trivial purpose, the resident closed the door without fulfilling his request, which now enraged Santier. Santier began kicking the entrance door, eventually gaining entry, then attacked the victim. Shortly after police arrival he was taken into custody. His actions resulted in an arrest for First Degree Burglary, a Felony. Only minor injuries were sustained by both parties.

Yikes.

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Sure, things would go a lot more smoothly for you if you could just pepper spray people who don’t listen to you. But you can’t. Or, can you … Okay, you can, but it’ll cost you, as a Georgia teacher discovered. As reported by 11alive.com:

According to a Macon police news release, officers were called to the Elam Alexander [Academy] … last Friday.

The release says a school video captured [teacher Barbara] Neeley spraying the 14-year-old boy. Police say two boys were disrupting a classroom and Neeley told them to return to their seats.

She warned she would pepper spray them if they didn’t sit down. They didn’t, and police say Neeley sprayed them. One boy closed his eyes and was not affected; the other boy was treated by a nurse and his parents were called to school.

And what happened to Ms. Neeley?

Bibb schools spokesman Chris Floore said Barbara Neeley resigned from Elam Alexander Academy on Wednesday, after school officials completed their internal investigation of the pepper-spray incident. Neeley still faces a charge of cruelty to children, according to Macon police.

Here’s the source.