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Yes, a real fight, with weapons, began with some grass clippings. As reported by The Review (East Liverpool, Ohio):

Two men were charged with felonious assault Sunday after they got into an argument over grass clippings that evolved into a fight with a machete and a club.

Whoa there, fellas.

City police charged Raymond C. Link, 63, Anderson Boulevard, and Collin Neal, 82, South Park Circle after officers were called to Anderson Boulevard Sunday afternoon for a report of a machete attack.

There, they were advised by Link that he had had trouble with his neighbor, Neal, over grass clippings blowing into Link’s property.

So your neighbor is responsible for the wind?

Link said when he confronted Neal, he was assaulted with a wooden club, with Neal hitting him in the head.

Doink!

Link then armed himself with a machete and injured Neal’s left hand, according to reports.

Neal then got his AK-47 … (kidding)

Neal told officers he was trying to remove the clippings when Link struck him with the machete, so he went and got the club, but he denied striking his neighbor.

Think this is over? Unlikely. Here’s the source.

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Sure, the “is that a … in your pants” is not a not totally uncommon theme. Still, a loris? As reported by the BBC:

Two of the men were found with slender lorises concealed in pouches in their briefs, a customs official at Indira Gandhi International Airport told the BBC.

Yes, they had lorises in their underwear! How were these clever gents caught?

The animals were uncovered when security guards noticed a bulge in their underwear during a frisk.

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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No, she didn’t hit him with a frying pan. She didn’t throw something at him. You can keep guessing, but you won’t get it. As reported by The Northwest Florida Daily News:

On Aug. 30 two Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputies were called to a Country Breeze Lane residence about a disturbance. Once there they interviewed a husband and wife, the apparent source of the disturbance.

The man said he’d been involved in an argument with his wife over a text message. He came about 8:30 that night and the argument continued, with his wife following him around the house, yelling in his face.

While in the bedroom, she allegedly jumped on his back and put her arm around his neck. He removed her arm, but then she grabbed him from behind and placed her fingers in his mouth, pulling his mouth apart, the arrest report indicated. This was said to have caused a small cut in his mouth.

She jammed her fingers in his mouth and pried it open! Yikes. So what did she say happened?

The woman told deputies she had found out her husband was cheating on her and she’d told him not to come home. As they argued, somehow her fingers “ended up in his mouth,” the deputy wrote.

Yeah, that happens to The Juice all the time. Next thing you know, your fingers just end up in someone’s mouth!

The woman was charged with misdemeanor battery.

Here’s the source.

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Maybe this lady has legitimate beefs with her boyfriend. But the way she chose to deal with the situation, well, it bites. As reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News:

On Aug. 17 an Okaloosa County Sheriff’s deputy was called to a Colonial Drive apartment after learning of a domestic dispute.

The victim, who has lived with the woman for about six months, said she began yelling at him because she thought he was looking at other women, and was ignoring her to play video games. She became so angry she started throwing things around the house.

He said she charged him, and he grabbed her wrists to protect himself from her. “The defendent then leaned in and bit the victim on the left side of his chest near his arm pit,” the deputy wrote in the arrest report.

Ouch! While it probably wasn’t “a pound of flesh,” no doubt the vic would say it was plenty.

She was charged with misdemeanor battery. Her court date is Sept. 4.

Here’s the source.

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Hey, if you don’t like the service, tip accordingly. These three ladies, dining at a Red Lobster in Fairview Heights, Illinois, decided on a different approach. Big mistake. As reported by The Bellevue News-Democrat:

Three Red Lobster customers were charged Saturday in connection with aggravated battery at the Fairview Heights restaurant.

The three women, all from Belleville, were accused of throwing water on an employee Friday and striking her several times with their hands and a menu, according to Detective Tim Mueller with the Fairview Heights Police Department.

A waitress beat down? Not cool at all, ladies.

The following suspects each were charged with mob action and aggravated battery in a public place: Sharrell A. Evans, 21, of 5819 Bret Michael Drive;Britley L. Green, 22, of 7003 Gary Drive; and Geneen L. Green, 44, of 7003 Gary Drive.

Bail for each suspect was set at $50,000. They remain in custody at the Fairview Heights Police Department until arraignment.

As for the “why?”

Police have not been determined what prompted the dispute.

Here’s the source that, sadly, has no mug shots.

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So maybe it’s not 100% certain that he was drinking with the monkeys, but he let them out of their cages, he was drunk, and … as reported by The August Chronicle (Georgia):

According to a GHSU Police Bureau incident report, a co-worker discovered Coley Mitchell, 32, partially unclothed in the Laboratory Animal Services technician locker room at the Sanders Research and Education Building about 10:30 p.m. Monday.

Yikes!

Campus police said Mitchell, a Lab Animal Services technician, was highly intoxicated and sitting in a chair with his pants half-down.

Partially clothed, highly intoxicated – what about the monkeys?

The spokeswoman said two monkeys were found outside their cages in the lab but were confined to the room. There is no indication the monkeys had been harmed.

Whew.

Police said Mitchell became combative and uncooperative with officers while being escorted from the locker room.

He was booked into the Richmond County jail Monday on charges of public intoxication.

A spokeswoman said Mitchell was still employed by Georgia Health Sciences University on Friday.

That’ll probably change. Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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There are some records you just don’t want to set. It looks like this Iowan may hold this record for a while. As reported by the Iowa City, Iowa Patch:

Justin A. Clark, 24, of North Liberty, was arrested July 29 after North Liberty police received reports of a driver colliding with curbs and attempting to rev up his engine.

Clark was sitting in the driver’s seat and was unable to answer any of the officer’s questions, police said. He also was unable to get out of the vehicle, walk or perform field sobriety tests, police said.

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Even if you thought this would allow you to avoid a DUI, you probably wouldn’t do it … unless, maybe, you were drunk? As reported by kpel965.com (Lafayette, Louisiana):

Police Chief Scott Silverii says 53-year-old Wayne Benoit was pulled over Tuesday afternoon after police saw his truck swerving down the road, at one point almost hitting someone riding a bicycle.

Almost hit a bicycle? Now The Juice is really pissed!

Silverii says Benoit reeked of alcohol, and he failed a sobriety test. Once it became apparent police were going to slap handcuffs on him, that’s when Benoit’s mind went into creative overdrive, Silverii says.

And … “Action!”

“Officers said that Benoit began straining really hard,” Silverii says. “Eventually, the straining gave way to Benoit purposely defecating himself.”

Apparently, Benoit thought he would be released after “his little episode,” Silverii says. But no, police arrested him anyway, and he was booked into the Lafourche Parish Detention Center.

Benoit had a blood alcohol content level of 0.20 percent.

Yikes. Here’s the source, with a mug shot.

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Assuming everything this woman says is true, you just have to scratch your head. As reported by www.timesonline (Beaver, Pennsylvania):

The owner of a Moon Township landscaping business has been charged with exposing himself to a female passenger in his car. Moon police have charged 72-year-old Armando Zucchero of 233 Ewings Mill Road, owner of Zucchero Landscaping, by mail with indecent exposure.

So what happened?

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