Articles Posted in Yikes

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Please, if you are prone to being grossed out, stop here. Remember, The Juice warned you. So, it started with what appeared to be a routine suspected DUI. Then it got weird, and gross. As reported by The Durango Herald (Colorado):

According to an arrest affidavit, the events began at 11:59 p.m. Feb. 11 when a Durango Police Department officer observed a vehicle turn right onto 32nd Street from Main Avenue without using a turn signal.

The officer, Chad Langley, pulled Kausalik [a 31-year veteran of the U.S. Postal Service who has been in Durango since 1982] over …

While speaking to Kausalik, the officer detected alcohol on his breath, according to the affidavit. Kausalik said he had not been drinking.

Kausalik performed voluntary roadside maneuvers, but not to Langley’s satisfaction, the affidavit says.

A preliminary breath test indicated he had a blood-alcohol level of 0.142, almost three times the 0.05 legal driving limit in Colorado.

Fairly routine stop thus far. Man appears to be drunk, smells of alcohol, denies drinking, fails field sobriety test, fails initial BAC test.

Langley arrested Kausalik and took him to the Durango police station … for a formal breath test.

Please, not the formal breath test…

At the station, Kausalik asked to use the restroom. Officer Langley twice found Kausalik asleep in the restroom.

He told Kausalik he could not stay in the restroom all night to avoid the breath test, and he needed to either take the test or choose a refusal.

Actually, there is another option, which could be considered a refusal of sorts …

Kausalik eventually left the bathroom looking at the floor, walking toward the officer.

Langley asked Kausalik what was in his mouth, and he continued to walk toward the officer, head down and expressionless.

When Kausalik was about 4 feet from the officer, Kausalik looked up, opened his mouth and took a deep breath.

“As I observed what he had in his mouth, I took a step back and began turning my head as he violently spit the contents of his mouth toward my face,” officer Langley wrote in the affidavit. “I felt the matter [FECES!!!!!] strike the left side of my face and head.” Kausalik also had feces on his hands, the affidavit says.

If you’re not completely grossed out, check your pulse. You can read the full story, and see the mug shot here.

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The gent says he just wanted to talk with the preacher. Well sir, it is alleged that a little more than that happened one day back in February 2012, as reported by knoxnews.com:

Andrew Byrd filed a lawsuit Feb. 15 in Sevier County against the Rev. Joel Arwood, his wife Theresa Arwood and deacon Charles Shields, all of Sevierville, as well as the Family Chapel Church of God and the Church of God International.

So what happened?

According to the lawsuit, Shields and the Arwoods asked Byrd on Feb. 21, 2012, to attend a meeting at Family Chapel Church of God, 1038 Charlotte’s Court in Pigeon Forge. During the meeting, Theresa Arwood said Byrd had a “demon or spirit that needed to be cast out,” according to the lawsuit.

“Thereafter, Joel Arwood and Charles Shields physically assaulted (Byrd) , while being encouraged by the shouts of Theresa Arwood,” Byrd states in the lawsuit.

According to a Sevier County Sheriff’s Office report, Byrd suffered a broken tooth, bruising and lacerations to the face, and pain and lasting injury to his back and leg.

Yikes.

Byrd alleges the pastor later bragged to the congregation that he had “punched the devil and knocked the devil’s tooth out.”

Byrd alleges in the lawsuit that Joel Arwood then “published” allegations accusing Byrd of murdering three people in Sevier County, including a 16-year-old girl, and having a contract to kill two more people, knowing that the statements were false.

Should be one helluva trial. Here’s the source.

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You’ve probably heard someone say that TV is like a drug. Well, this story certainly bolsters that notion. Per the Northwest Florida Daily News:

Natasha Lynn Head, a 34-year-old Fort Walton Beach woman, was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after she picked up a knife and told the victim he was going to leave “in a body bag,” according to her Fort Walton Beach Police Department arrest report.

Yes, the fight started over a remote control!

She and the victim had been arguing over the television remote control, which he hid from her so she could not watch television in the bedroom, according to the report.

The victim said Head charged at him with the knife, which caused him to hide in the bathroom and call 911, the report said.

Her defense?

Head told police she never intended to harm the victim and only got the knife so she could break into the bathroom and get the remote.

What? Like you’ve never used a knife to open a door? Here’s the source, mug shot and all.

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The Juice really doesn’t know where to start with this Maryland law, so here it is:

A person may not sell or offer for sale a contraceptive device, whether or not advertised as a prophylactic, by means of a vending machine or other automatic device at a kindergarten, nursery school …

So, that means no “condom” slot in the soda machine? How will the teachers cavort safely? Maryland, what have you done? Click here to read the statute.

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It’s a big world, and there are lots of different fighting styles – boxing, kung fu, jujitsu (jiu-jitsu), MMA, taekwondo, to name a few. And then there’s this gent’s fighting style, unlikely to be replicated by anyone, ever. As reported by The Santa Cruz Sentinel:

A 24-year-old Santa Cruz man was arrested Sunday after police got a call complaining that a drunken man was being disruptive and challenging people to fight, police said.

Officers arrived near West Cliff Drive and Pelton Avenue near Lighthouse Field about 1:45 p.m. and found that Dimitri Z. Storm had encountered an opponent who took him up on his challenge to fight, Sgt. Dave Perry said.

Nothing out of the ordinary so far.

When the man didn’t back down, Storm dropped his pants, exposing himself, and then inserted a finger in his own rectum, Perry said.

Whoa. That’s going to make it kinda hard to fight, don’t you think?

Police also found him with a small pair of brass knuckles and arrested him on suspicion of indecent exposure, with a prior, being drunk in public, fighting and possession of brass knuckles, records show.

Maybe he was reaching for the brass knuckles and missed, badly? You’ll find the source here.

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In addition to squirrel hunting and self defense … add to the list of things an AK-47 is handy for … disciplining your children! As reported by the Star Tribune:

A St. Paul man who recently purchased an assault rifle out of fear of an impending gun ban threatened his teenage daughter with it because she was getting two B’s in school rather than straight A’s, according to a criminal complaint filed Friday. Kirill Bartashevitch, 51, was charged in Ramsey County District Court with two felony counts of terroristic threats after alleging pointing an AK-47 at his daughter and wife during an argument over high school grades on Jan. 13.

Bartashevitch had recently purchased the rifle because he thought that such guns soon will be banned, the complaint said. He admitted to St. Paul police that he had pointed the gun at his wife and daughter but said it wasn’t loaded and that he had checked the chamber beforehand.

He was just trying to scare them is all. What’s the big deal?

“Any gun owner in America will tell you that’s incredibly irresponsible,” said Ramsey County Attorney John Choi. “You just don’t point guns at people.” Threatening someone with a gun is a crime of violence regardless of the type of weapon or whether it’s loaded, Choi said.

Uh, um, sorry?

The incident took place at the family’s house on Englewood Avenue. The girl’s concerns came to light four days later at Central High School when a social worker received a report from a parent who was monitoring her son’s electronic communications and read a message from the girl.

“Mom on Facebook saves the day!”

According to the complaint, the argument began when Bartashevitch berated his daughter for not making straight A’s at school. The girl swore at her father and stated that she “hated” him. He then pointed his new AK-47 at the girl, the complaint said.

The mother said that when she tried to protect the girl, her husband pushed her to the floor.

And what does the dad do for a living? He works for the Minneapolis Public Schools. Maybe he can be reassigned as an armed guard … Here’s the source, including a photo.

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A pack of cigarettes! She stole a pack of cigarettes! 22 years ago! People! Where is your sense of proportionality? As reported by wesh.com:

A mother of two sits in jail Monday unable to post bail after being put behind bars for the 1991 theft of a pack of cigarettes.

Jail? You couldn’t release her on her own recognizance for this?

“Back in 1991, I shoplifted cigarettes from Walmart,” Hall said.

So how’d they catch her now?

That 22-year-old crime followed her to Port Canaveral Thursday, where she was wrapping up a dream vacation with her husband and two kids.

The family had cruised aboard the Disney Dream, and authorities were waiting for her when they got back. “I was pulled to the side and told I had a warrant,” Hall said.

Authorities said Hall had failed to pay the $85 in court costs when she was 18; and when authorities checked the ship’s passenger list for terrorists, they found a warrant for Hall.

And to this even more ridiculous, check out the exemplary life Ms. Hall has led since her days as a career criminal …

Since the theft, she had put herself through college, receiving a degree in architecture, and now she helps design jet engines for Pratt & Whitney in Connecticut.

Clearly she’s a flight risk, right? What is wrong with these people? Here’s the official explanation:

The Brevard County Jail will not let her post bail because it’s an Orange County charge and she has to be transferred. However, because of the weekend and holiday, that might not be until Thursday.

That’s a bunch of bureaucratic bullshit. The Juice is not pleased with this “case.” Here’s the source, including a video news story.

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Prison? Marry this boy? Prison? Marry this boy? This is just so wrong. As reported by wgntv.com:

A school teacher in North Carolina had sex with a 15-year-old boy, but she avoided going to prison because she married him.

42-year-old Leah Gayle Shipman waited until her divorce was final, then married Johnny Ray Ison six days later. By that time, Ison was 17, and his mother had to give permission since her son was still a minor.

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Ah roommates. If you’ve ever had a roommate, and you say you’ve never had an argument, you’re lying. Still, a knife? As reported in The Brooklyn Paper:

The victim told police that he knocked on his roommate’s door at their apartment between Norman and Nassau avenues at 12:30 am and asked him to lower the volume of his tunes.

Seems like a reasonable request.

The two then started to fight …

Uh oh.

… at which point the housemate grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed the victim in hand, and then punched him in the head and face, cops said. The victim suffered a deep cut on his hand and bleeding and swelling to his face and was taken to Woodhull Hospital.

It wasn’t enough to stab him?

Police say that when they arrived at the house, they found the knife in the kitchen sink.

Hey, at least he’s not a slob too. The charge: assault. “Wanted: Quiet, considerate, non-knife-wielding roommate.”

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The Juice wasn’t there, but that’s never stopped him from passing judgment before. This seems like a harmless prank. What do you think? As reported by The Sun News (at Cleveland.com):

A Northfield boy, 17, was arrested Dec. 17 and charged with disorderly conduct after he alarmed shoppers at Nordstrom in Beachwood Place.

The boy’s method of alarming involved putting on a Batman mask and red sunglasses on his face and a hood covering his head and then running full speed through the shopping area. Police were called and took the boy from the store.

The Juice doesn’t see the harm, though he does see the source, which is here.