Articles Posted in Weird Laws

All of these laws are on the books. Click on the statute and see for yourself.

No tattoos? Yup, no tattoos!

It shall be unlawful for any person to tattoo or offer to tattoo any person. As used herein to “tattoo” means to insert pigment under the surface of the skin of a human being, by pricking with a needle or otherwise, so as to produce a permanent indelible mark or figure visible on the skin. Provided, however, that the provisions hereof shall not apply to any act of a licensed practitioner of the healing arts performed in the course of his practice. §21-841

I’m in trouble with this next one:

Profane swearing consists in any use of the name of God, or Jesus Christ, or the Holy Ghost, either in imprecating divine vengeance upon the utterer, or any other person, or in light, trifling or irreverent speech. §21-904

No “holy shit?” No “damn you to hell?” No “sweet Mary, mother of God?” What about “holy crap?” Not to worry too much, though. The penalty:

Every person guilty of profane swearing is punishable by a fine of One Dollar ($1.00) for each offense. §21-905

Kids, watch your butts because:

… nothing contained in this Act shall prohibit any parent, teacher or other person from using ordinary force as a means of discipline, including but not limited to spanking, switching or paddling. §21-844

Damn, switching or paddling? Well, at least the fraternities have one less thing to worry about.

Again with the duels!

Any person guilty of fighting any duel, although no death or wound ensues, shall be guilty of a felony punishable by imprisonment in the State Penitentiary not exceeding ten (10) years. §21-662

Oh no you didn’t just try and serve me with those legal papers on Saturday.

Whoever maliciously procures any process in a civil action to be served on Saturday upon any person who keeps Saturday as holy time, and does not labor on that day, or serves upon him any process returnable on that day, or maliciously procures any civil action to which such person is a party to be adjourned to that day for trial, is guilty of a misdemeanor. §21-912

When I drive, if the conditions don’t meet to my liking (e.g., there are other cars on the road) I am a fountain of profanity. Words and phrases flow from my mouth that I don’t even recognize. And it doesn’t matter who is in the car. That is why I wouldn’t last long in Oklahoma. Here’s the law:

§21-906. If any person shall utter or speak any obscene or lascivious language or word in any public place, or in the presence of females, or in the presence of children under ten (10) years of age, he shall be liable to a fine of not more than One Hundred Dollars ($100.00), or imprisonment for not more than thirty (30) days, or both.

Are you shitting me? I can’t even cuss in front of my wife? One trip through town and I wouldn’t see my kids ’til I’m a grandpappy. You can read the statute here.

Is this justice? In 1987, Jimmy Lee Page was on trial in Austin, Texas for murder. A jury acquitted him (with several of them even shaking his hand.) Yet Page is still in jail for that very same murder. Back in 1975, Page was convicted of killing his friend (according to Page, he and his friend were shooting beer cans when Page accidentally grazed his friend’s thigh, then continued shooting when his friend tried to retaliate) and sentenced to life in jail. He was paroled in 1986. So how can he still be in jail for a crime he didn’t commit?

According to the parole board, he did commit the crime. They heard from only one witness, a police detective. Amazingly, that’s all it takes. Despite having been acquitted by the jury, Mr. Page has been in jail ever since for committing that very same crime. Last year, 91 other parolees in Texas met the same fate. After either being acquitted in court or having the charges dropped, they were returned to jail anyway.

As for Mr. Page, who has been denied parole 12 times: “It can just go on for the next 20 years. It’s been hard. It’s not the time. Doing time for no reason — that’s hard.”

Only in Montana (really – it’s the only state that allows it.) A couple can get married without either of them attending! It’s called a double-proxy wedding. Per Montana Code Section 40-1-301:

If a party to a marriage is unable to be present at the solemnization, he may authorize in writing a third person to act as his proxy. If the person solemnizing the marriage is satisfied that the absent party is unable to be present and has consented to the marriage, he may solemnize the marriage by proxy.

Only one problem with the law – folks from around the world are using it. Because of language issues, it takes the court clerks quite a spell to do the paperwork. So, a bill has been introduced requiring one of these folks to make the trip to Montana. (“Do you, proxy, take this man/woman to be that-person-who-is-paying-you’s husband/wife?” “Yes, he/she does.” “You may now #%@*#! the bride/groom.” It’s unclear, as of this writing, exactly what the legal limits are on the proxy’s interaction with the bride/groom, post-solemnization.) Maybe Borat shoud have hit a double-proxy wedding in Montana on his way to meet Pamela?

This is just WRONG! Nobody disputes that you paid your taxes ON TIME, and you still get assessed a 10% late fee! Ms. Jansen, of the village of Sleepy Hollow (really) in Westchester County, New York, tried to pay her property tax bill on-line ($6,516.84 for 6 months!) 5 days early. Her payment was rejected because the town requires payment by check, in an envelope postmarked on or before the due date. So the Sleepy Hollow Bank issued a check for the taxes, which was sent 5 days early, and which the village acknowledges it received before the due date. Yet they still hit Ms. Jansen with a 10% late charge, plus a $2 fee! ($653.68)! Guess why?

Because her bank issues checks through Bill Pay, which uses bulk mail, which does not produce a postmark! Surely the Bill Pay log showing that the taxes were timely paid would satisfy the town, right? Wrong. While the Sleepy Hollow tax collector admitted that the law was antiquated, she said that she could not accept a bank log as proof of timely payment!

Oh, and if she doesn’t pay the late charge by this Friday, March 30, she’ll be hit with another penalty!

So the Idaho Senate decided to pass an “English only” law (Senate Bill 1172). Perhaps they should have looked at their own STATE SEAL that contains the Latin phrase “Esto Perpetua” (which means “let it be perpetual”).

The Juice proposes a new state motto. Instead of “Let it be perpetual,” just “Let it be.”

So here are the crimes:

67.5. Theft of crawfish

A. Theft of crawfish is the misappropriation or taking of crawfish belonging to another or proceeds derived from the sale of such crawfish, whether done without the consent of the owner to the misappropriation or taking, or by means of fraudulent conduct, practices, or representations, with the intent to deprive the owner permanently of the crawfish, or proceeds derived from the sale of the crawfish.

§93.5. Sexual battery of the infirm

A. Sexual battery of the infirm is the intentional engaging in any of the sexual acts listed in Subsection B with another person, who is not the spouse of the offender, when:
(1) The offender compels the victim, who is physically incapable of preventing the act because of advanced age or physical infirmity, to submit by placing the victim in fear of receiving bodily harm.
(2) The victim is incapable of resisting or of understanding the nature of the act by reason of stupor or abnormal condition of the mind produced by an intoxicating, narcotic, or anesthetic agent administered by or with the privity of the offender. …
B. For purposes of this Section, “sexual acts” mean the following:
(1) The touching of the anus or genitals of the victim by the offender using any instrumentality or any part of the body of the offender; or
(2) The touching of the anus or genitals of the offender by the victim using any instrumentality or any part of the body of the victim.

§45. Simple kidnapping

A. Simple kidnapping is:
(1) The intentional and forcible seizing and carrying of any person from one place to another without his consent.
(2) The intentional taking, enticing or decoying away, for an unlawful purpose, of any child not his own and under the age of fourteen years, without the consent of its parent or the person charged with its custody.
(3) The intentional taking, enticing or decoying away, without the consent of the proper authority, of any person who has been lawfully committed to any orphan, insane, feeble-minded or other similar institution.

So which crime will get you the most time?

Continue reading →

I sure didn’t. I was reading through the Idaho Code (couldn’t sleep – and was almost there when I got to the definition of “mayhem”)

Every person who unlawfully and maliciously deprives a human being of a member of his body, or disables, disfigures or renders it useless, or cuts out or disables the tongue, puts out an eye, slits the nose, ear or lip, is guilty of mayhem. (Idaho Code, Section 18-5001)

Now wide awake, I read on:

CANNIBALISM DEFINED — PUNISHMENT. (1) Any person who willfully ingests the flesh or blood of a human being is guilty of cannibalism. (2) It shall be an affirmative defense to a violation of the provisions of this section that the action was taken under extreme life-threatening conditions as the only apparent means of survival. (3) Cannibalism is punishable by imprisonment in the state prison not exceeding fourteen (14) years. (Idaho Code, Section 18-5003).

So, if you’re ever in Idaho, (1) watch your back, because someone can legally eat you if the cupboard is bare, (2) don’t drink anything red, and (3) if you’re not sure what it is, don’t eat it!

I really don’t know where to start with this Maryland law, so here it is:

A person may not sell or offer for sale a contraceptive device, whether or not advertised as a prophylactic, by means of a vending machine or other automatic device at a kindergarten, nursery school …

So, I guess that means no “condom” slot in the soda machine? How will the teachers cavort safely? Oh Maryland, what have you done?