Articles Posted in Wacky

Only in New York? No, Juice readers know that weird things happen pretty much everywhere (see the 200+ archived Legal Juice posts). Back to New York. A robber (with a knife) in Westchester robbed an 18-year-old – but not of the $10 the young man had. Said Captain Joseph DeCarlo:

He tells the kid to go into the pizza parlor and get change. Then the kid comes out, he takes his $4 and he leaves.

Shazam!

From the Santa Clara Police Department “Police Blotter”

The suspect parked his own vehicle at a car wash. He made contact with the manager and handed him his business card. The suspect got into a freshly cleaned customer’s car that was coming out of the other end of the wash. He fled in the victim [sic] vehicle. A few hours later, S.J.P.D. located the car and the suspect. The suspect was arrested and booked into County Jail. His bizarre actions appear to be methamphetamine related.

Have you ever been hit by a sausage? No? Then maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to judge authorities in Manchester, England who are prosecuting a 12-year-old boy for throwing a cocktail sausage at a neighbor. And it hit him on the shoulder! And this crazy judge said he couldn’t believe such a case had been brought before him! What the hell is wrong with those English judges? Clearly this boy must be stopped. To read more (though not much more on this story) click here.

Okay, so she didn’t exactly marry the monkey (though she’s paying $1,300/month to support him.) Rockville, Maryland resident Elyse Gazewitz was on trial yesterday for illegally having a monkey as a pet. Since the animal was taken from her in May, she has had to pay boarding fees of $1,300/month to the Catoctin Wildlife Preserve in Thurmont, Maryland. Don’t worry, though, the judge granted her visitation rights. You can read more here.

So the parent of a 5-year-old kid had an argument with another parent – on the playground, of course. As a result, Mr. Joseph Moldrich, one of the parents, hatched a scheme to get the kid of the other parent kicked out of school. He would make threatening phone calls to the teacher, pretending to be the other parent! Pure genius, no? No. Here are a few of the messages Moldrich allegedly left (he said he’s going to plead guilty):

You fuck off Oakleigh South.

. . . We know where you live.

. . . Kill, kill, kill.

You fucking, you no leave and me kill you.

Some calls were made with a fake foreign accent, some with a woman’s voice. Wow. Moldrich has been in jail since he was arrested on June 29th. He has not even asked for bail. Should’ve followed the Juice motto: What happens on the playground, stays on the playground. You can read more here.

Maybe Wayne Simpson should have just called the customer who he said gave him her cell phone number. Said Wayne:

I honestly thought she fancied me. I certainly fancied her. She was gorgeous. She pulled up a chair very close to me and sat there staring into my eyes and fluttering her lashes.

Wayne then took a picture of himself in his bathtub, holding a glass of bourbon, surrounded by bubbles. He sent it to the customer’s phone, with the message “Hi, do you fancy going out for a drink sometime?”
Apparently not. She called the cops, who did not charge Wayne. Then she called his job, and they canned him. Unfortunately for Wayne, he can’t file an unemployment claim because he was with the company less than a year. He is going to sue them, though, for his lost earnings. If you want to read more, click here.

Actually, the Royal Mail said the week David Portman took off to mourn his dog’s death was just the last straw. In his 5 years as a mailman, Portman missed 137 days. Claiming that his absences were either work-related or genuine injuries not of his doing, and that he shouldn’t have been fired for mourning the loss of his dog, Portman filed a claim for unfair dismissal. (The injuries/illnesses included a broken foot, sprained ankle, whiplash, and asthma.)

Who do you think won? Wrong! (or “Right!”). Portman won – a sum in excess of £10,000 (over $20,000 US). Said the Sheffield tribunal:

The vast majoirty of the claimant’s absence days were occasioned through injuries sustained in accidents at work’ which should have been discounted by the Royal Mail… None of the claimant’s absences were for other than wholly legitimate and genuine reasons.

Snap! To read more about David and Brandy, click here.

Remember Chuck Barris from The Gong Show? What he wouldn’t give to be able to gong his Trump Plaza neighbor Dorothea Wietzner out of the building. According to Mr. Barris, here are some highlights:

Said Dorothea to Chuck: “What you need is your head cracked open. I’ll get you, just you wait … I’ll get you, you cockroach. You faggot. Your wife’s mother’s a slut.”

Per Chuck: “The first thing she ever said to me was this: ‘You better shut your door quietly or I’ll sue you… Her screaming has changed from just cursing and shouting to yelling vile obscenities and death threats.

Spirit Airlines pilot Wayne Giles, age 46, was not exactly an ideal neighbor. Here’s a sampling of what he did to his neighbors over a six-year period:

throwing shit [really], old fruit, and eggs at an elderly couple’s home;

sending anonymous letters, for more than 5 years, graphically detailing sex acts.