Articles Posted in Wacky

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He did! Listen to the 911 call [above]. So what happened after the call? As reported by The Hartford Courant:

Dispatchers traced the call to 192 Waterville Road, the home of Robert J. Michelson.

He told narcotics officers who visited his home that he had spent a lot of money online buying everything he needed to grow marijuana. He had one small plant at home, along with seeds and equipment for growing, police said.

Michelson also had drug paraphernalia for personal use.

If this was an attempted candor pander, it failed.

He was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, illegal cultivation of marijuana, possession of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia in a drug factory.

Michelson was brought to Farmington police headquarters where he was released on $5,000 bond. Police said he was cooperative with officers, but made an obscene gesture at the dispatchers.

Yeah, it was all the dispatcher’s fault. Here’s the source.

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How would you like your books today – with syrup, catchup, or mayonnaise? A library in Boise, Idaho had a real problem because someone kept dumping condiments in the book-drop. The perp was finally caught after a surveillance system was installed. And yes, she did get jail time. Why did she do it? She was retaliating against the library for being banned from entering it. As reported by The Idaho Statesman:

Joy L. Cassidy was taken away in handcuffs Friday after pleading guilty to misdemeanor malicious injury to property.

The special prosecutor hadn’t pushed for jail time, and Cassidy’s attorney said she needed weekly counseling that had helped her with anger-management and other issues.

But Judge Kevin Swain sentenced her to serve at least 27 days in jail. “Judge Swain sent a message today that people who engage in the kind of conduct that Ms. Cassidy engaged in will not be tolerated,” said Special Prosecutor Tim Fleming of the Canyon County Prosecutor’s Office. “You’re going to go to jail.”

Cassidy’s sentencing was the final chapter in one of the more bizarre crimes in Boise in recent years. When she was arrested after dumping syrup, ketchup and mayonnaise into a library book-drop, many wondered what her motive was — other than to destroy public property and create a gooey mess.

It came out in court on Friday that Cassidy, 75, was retaliating for being banned from the Ada Community Library in 2007 because of conflicts she’d had with the staff and other patrons.

“The library was the one place that she went in a social setting where she had contact with people,” Cassidy’s attorney, Gabriel McCarthy, told Judge Swain. “It broke her heart when she couldn’t go back. And it’s something she couldn’t let go.”

In spring 2009, Cassidy dumped maple syrup in the box, the first of more than 10 acts of vandalism over the course of the next year, according to police and library officials. The library spent about $1,000 on a surveillance system to finally catch her.

10+? That’s a serious grudge. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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If this dude decides to remain in the relationship, he would be well-advised to have a pack of cigarettes on hand at all times, and be willing to share them. As reported by The Morning Call (Allentown):

Bethlehem police said a woman went on a rampage Monday night when her boyfriend denied her a cigarette and attacked him with a steak knife.

Linda Sellers, 55, is charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, simple assault, reckless endangerment, terroristic threats, harassment and possessing an instrument of crime. Sellers, of 714 Hayes St., is in Northampton County Prison under $750,000 bail.

Yikes. Here’s the official police version:

Officers were called to the home for a report of a woman yelling. Sellers answered the door and said, “Oh, good. It’s the (expletive) police!”

Police said Sellers pointed to Camilleri, who was sitting on the couch holding a steak knife he had wrestled away from her, and told the officer she was going to kill him.

Camilleri told police he was sleeping on the couch when Sellers awoke him and asked for a cigarette. When he told her to buy her own, police said Sellers threw items around the apartment and overturned a glass coffee table.

Sellers went into the kitchen, grabbed a steak knife and attacked Camilleri, police said. He suffered three cuts on the top of his head and was treated and released from St. Luke’s Hospital-Fountain Hill, police said.

Here’s the source.

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Sure, there are more delicate ways to say this. But regular readers know The Juice prefers the blunt approach. So … The governing administration in Malawi is proposing legislation that would outlaw farting in public! Truth! As reported by afrik-news.com:

The Bingu wa Mutharika led administration is to introduce a raft of legislation that seeks to criminalize an everyday natural occurrence of “passing gas” with the intention to “mold responsible and discipl[ined] citizens.”

Certainly a fair amount of discipline would be involved …

The Local Courts Bill of 2010, according to Malawi media reports, is to be presented in the forthcoming Parliament sitting by Minister of Justice, George Chaponda. The bill, reports say, also deals with citizens who hinder the burial of dead bodies as well as people who pretend to be fortune tellers.

Is there any opposition?

Mr. John Tembo’s [he’s the leader of the opposition party] criticism of the bill is believed to have stricken a chord with local critics who argue that the capacity of the local justice system to handle the expected influx of cases is questionable.

And this, from an anonymous citizen:

Commenting on the bill, a Malawian is quoted as saying: “How can this government criminalise the release of intestinal gases …. Everyone does that, even if it’s in public or it has an accompanying sound which is boring, making it criminal is a joke of democracy.”

Any supporters out there? At least one.

Another [Malawian] said he “support(s) the bill and is welcome. Sometimes breaking wind in public or during meetings is a disturbance of the peace”.

Since the anti-flatulence provision is only part of the proposed bill, perhaps it’s removal would take the wind (oh!) out of the opposition’s sails. Here’s the source.

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So, why did a Georgia mother check her son and two classmates out of school? To rob a bank! As reported by WSBTV.com:

The woman checked the three teens out of Stephenson High School on Friday morning, Lilburn police Deputy Chief Bruce Hedley said. He said the four went to a Wells Fargo on Rockbridge Road and Lawrenceville Highway for a heist. The suspects were armed with at least one handgun, police said.

Unbeknownst to the perps, a witness was on to them.

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You might think that someone is not going to hit you in the face and get away with it. But you probably hadn’t envisioned anything like this. As reported by fox17online.com (Michigan):

Two men say assaulted a woman assaulted them with a fish last weekend.

Holy mackerel! [Yeah, yeah. You try doing this every day for 3+ years!]

It happened Saturday on Little Black Lake near the corner of Wood Road and Judson Road in Norton Shores. Police say they received a call from two men from Egelston Township in their early 20s.

The men said that a woman had asked them to turn around while she urinated on the ice. When they did, the woman, a 29-year-old from Fruitport, threw a fish, hitting one of them. She then allegedly came up and slapped the other man in the face with a fish.

Someone is clearly having a bad day. So what happened with the cops? Zippy.

The two men decided not to file charges, and the case has been closed.

And you called the cops because …? Here’s the source, with a video news report of the story.

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Just when you thought you’d heard them all… Check out this excuse for speeding, as reported in The Local:

A woman from southern Sweden has lost her bid to have a speeding fine overturned on the grounds that she was suffering from diarrhea at the time of the offence.

The 49-year-old woman from Trelleborg explained to the local district court that she was experiencing stomach problems when she was pulled over for driving 86 kilometres per hour in a 70 km/h zone.

Only 86 in a 70 zone? How bad could it have been? Said the court:

A situation can only be classed as an emergency if somebody’s life is in danger or if a driver hits the gas in an attempt to prevent a serious crime.

As the woman’s desire to get home to her toilet did not fit into either category, the court ordered her to pay the speeding fine.

Newman! (It’s a Seinfeld thing.)

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Ah the joy of setting off a bottle rocket – unless it’s in … your pants! As reported by The Highline Times (Washington):

Police responded to a call for medical assistance in the 12000 block of Ambaum Blvd. A man accidentally set off a bottle rocket firework in his pants. He was transported to Harborview by ambulance to be treated for superficial burns on his groin, face and hand. No other injuries were reported.

Oops.

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When this lady told her husband not to smoke, she meant it. And brother, did she drive the point home when he defied her. Per The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A woman was arrested Wednesday morning for beating her husband with a rock, claiming she didn’t want him to smoke a cigarette because of his poor health. “A woman can only take so much,” she told a deputy.

Even the non-lawyers among you must be familiar with the “I can only take so much” defense.

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