This is just not a smart way to cool yourself off for a lot of reasons – all of them obvious. As reported by wkyt.com:
It was 90 degrees Thursday and a man apparently went into a South Williamson Wal-Mart to cool off.
The Pike County Sheriff’s Department on Friday obtained an arrest warrant for a man who entered Wal-Mart naked, shouted “I’m on fire” and then poured a gallon of milk on himself, according to a news release.
Normally when a woman finds her husband appetizing, that would be a good thing, right? Not this time! Per The Palm Beach Post:
City police say a woman poured barbecue sauce on her husband and went after him with a knife in each hand Tuesday, according to an arrest report made public Wednesday.
Viven Palmer, 30, faces charges of battery, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and resisting an officer. She was released late Tuesday from the Palm Beach County Jail on $5,000 bail.
In sports, that’s something you hear over and over. If it works, keep doing it until the other team stops you. Then adjust your game plan accordingly. Alas, sports is not like life in many regards, including this one. Just ask this gent, who was awfully fond of a particular convenience store. As reported by NJ Advance Media for nj.com:
As one officer pinned him against a fence and more officers arrived, a man suspected of robbing the same convenience store three times this week admitted defeat.
“OK, you got me,” he said, according to police reports.
Most people appreciate just being told the truth. Police officers are no exception. So enough with the excuses already! But if you want to read some whoppers, check this out, as reported by The Cambridge News:
Cambridgeshire police have released the raft of bizarre excuses told to officers who have stopped motorists.
Here we go …
You’re probably thinking, hmm, a bow and arrow? A pea shooter? A crossbow? A taser? (Please, that’s not Juiceworthy.) An RPG? A bazooka? No actually … via nbcconnecticut.com …
Police said David J. Walski [60], of 55 Crouch Avenue, fired several rounds at his male relative with a flare gun, striking him one time. The victim was transported to William Backus Hospital for a non-life threatening injury. One of the flares entered the victim’s residence, but no significant damage was caused.
A flare gun? Who shoots someone with a flare gun even once, much less “several” times?
Ma’am, that certainly is a nice television you have there… As reported by The Belleville News-Democrat (Belleville, Illinois)
12/30/12 – Theft — First block of Kingery Court The victim reported the suspect came to her residence, struck up a conversation with her, and while she sat on the couch, he unhooked and unplugged her TV and walked out of the residence with it.
Um. Mister, watcha doing with my tee-vee?
Yes folks, you read that correctly. As reported by detroit.cbslocal.com:
Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a “power–packed, super–concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt–crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo.”
Festerman claims he was innocently checking the item in the school, when it discharged — and the police were called.
Uh huh.
Festerman was charged with disorderly conduct, which carries a possibly penalty of $200 and/or 90 days in jail. Marine City Schools officials claim he attacked teachers and administrators with the foul smell.
They believe he was acting out over his son’s one-day suspension. In a TV interview, Festerman said his whole family enjoys carrying out “Liquid Ass ” pranks wherever they go, though he said they punished their son for bringing their property to his class and disturbing the room.
What about Festerman’s assertion that he just accidentally sprayed the, um, scent while testing to see if there was any left?
“Our security cameras seem to indicate otherwise,” Wolford said.
Bam! Here’s the source.
Passing out in public is generally not a good thing. There are exceptions. As reported by The MetroWest Daily News (Framingham, Massachusetts):
On Friday, two women told police that they were about to go into the ATM at the Roche Bros., but [Eric Lee] Siggins was sitting on a bench outside, acting strangely. One of the women saw a handgun in the waistband of his pants and instead of using the ATM they called police, [prosecutor Maggie] Pastuszak said.
A wise decision.
When police arrived, they found Siggins sitting down with legs fully spread and his head down between his legs. He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with a scarf covering his face, and he never responded to anything they said to them, she said.
“He refused to take his hands from the pockets,” said Pastuszak. “His hands had to be physically removed.”
As police tried to get Siggins to remove his hands, a gun fell from his pants. The weapon was a BB gun made to look like a real gun, the prosecutor said.
Doh!
In his pocket they found handcuffs, the [duct] tape, a razor-bladed knife and the string, Pastuszak said.
Hmm.
Police charged Siggins, of 145 South Main St., with attempting to commit armed robbery, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. Pastuszak told Judge Robert Greco that she expects a carrying a dangerous weapon charge to be added.
See how lucky he was to have passed out? Think of the soup he’d be in had he gone through with it.
[The prosecutor] asked the judge to hold Siggins on $1,000 bail, but Siggins lawyer, Mark Wester, argued that no crime was committed.
Said the judge:
“I don’t see probable cause here for attempting to commit armed robbery,” said Wester. “There was no struggling. He was passed out. It may be bizarre behavior, but it doesn’t rise to the level of these charges.”
Greco ordered Siggins held on $500 bail. He is due back in court on Nov. 19 for a pretrial conference.
In the latest addition to things you can do “while intoxicated,” comes this story, as reported by The Bee News (out of Western New York):
Patrol responded to the Clarence Inn Motel for a report of an intoxicated male who was sitting in the road in a recliner. The subject and his chair were removed from the roadway.
Could this be the new “planking”? Nooooooo!
Hey lady, get a life. If you were so offended by what you thought this guy was doing, why did you follow him? For the children? As reported by tcpalm.com:
A 34-year-old woman told Port St. Lucie police she saw a man in his vehicle in a plaza on Southwest Port St. Lucie Boulevard. He was “making an up and down motion in the area of his crotch,” a recently released police report states.
The woman didn’t see his genitals but believed the man was masturbating. He started to circle the parking lot, and she began following him and called police.
Legal Juice