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A Michigander named C.J. McDonald is just dying to see his township’s meeting minutes. And he wants to see the original minutes because he doesn’t trust the ones on the web. So he filed a FOIA lawsuit, which the judge tossed because he said Augusta Township provided Mr. McDonald with “reasonable access” to the documents.

So what stinks? Per mlive.com:

Township officials cite an incident last April when McDonald smelled strongly of dead fish when he showed up for a four-hour record-reviewing appointment with Giszczak. McDonald admits to applying what he says was fish fertilizer.

Four hours! Did I mention that Mr. McDonald used to be a township trustee? Or that he has filed over 200 FOIA requests?

The four-hour stinkfest was cited in the township’s counter-suit against Mr. McDonald.

The township’s counter-suit, filed last week, seeks about $6,000 in legal fees and limits on McDonald’s future document requests.

Hmmm. Think those limits might include something on how Mr. McDonald presents himself? Click here to read more.

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Mr. Weusi McGowan was on trial in San Diego. It’s clear that he was dissatisfied with both his lawyer and the jury. How do we know this? Per 10news.com:

At the mid-morning break, McGowan produced a plastic baggie filled with fecal matter and spread it on [his attorney’s] hair and face, then flung the excrement toward the jury box, hitting the briefcase of juror No. 9 but missing the juror himself.

Ooooooh. What then? The jury was dismissed (whew) and the trial was postponed until another lawyer could be appointed. And in case you think this was the first time …

The prosecutor said the defendant had previously wiped human feces on himself and was examined by doctors to ensure he was mentally competent to stand trial.

What do you Mr. McGowan was alleged to have used in the case he was on trial for? Wrong! Not feces.

The prosecutor said the defendant hit a man with a rock in a sock as the victim came out of his home to investigate a commotion on Oct. 17, 2007. McGowan allegedly ransacked the man’s apartment then stole some of the victim’s belongings and took off in the victim’s car.

Here’s the source.

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Calvin Edwards of Fort Pierce, Florida takes his chicken VERY seriously. Just ask his brother. Per The Treasure Coast Palm:

The brother said he and Edwards were “scuffling over chicken wings when Calvin pulled a small pocket knife and threatened to cut him” …

Not just chicken, but chicken wings. Now it’s all making sense … But surely Mr. Edwards has a different version?

Edwards said his mother and brother started yelling at him and said he “needed to defend himself.”

The charges? Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and battery. Pretty serious, since the brother only had a scratch on his wrist, and the knife was never found.

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Actually, “Snowzilla” is the real name of the 16-foot snowman in question. Some families in Anchorage, Alaska began building him in 2005. He was a huge hit. Per The Anchorage Daily News:

It was just a few years ago that 16-foot-tall Snowzilla arose in a residential yard in Airport Heights, launching an annual procession of local gawkers and an international media blitz.

Camera crews came from Russia and Japan.

Russia’s just across the pond (wink!), but Japan! But, alas, not everyone was keen on Snowzilla and his legions of fans.

So, city officials have deemed Snowzilla a public nuisance and safety hazard.

A few weeks ago, city code enforcers left three red signs at Snowzilla’s bottom body ball telling its builders to cease and desist.

The city also tacked a public notice on the door of the Powers family home at 1556 Columbine St.

You bastards! You killed Snowzilla! And it’s unlikely he’ll be brought back to life. Why?

Under the city’s nuisance abatement order, if [Mr. Powers] tries, he could get arrested.

Bunch of Scrooges…. Here’s the source.

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You may want to consider the case of a man who got into it with Nebraska resident Tango Crenshaw. After the 2 vehicles nearly collided, per the Lincoln Journal Star: The driver of the car yelled at Crenshaw, and Crenshaw argued with him. After the other driver parked in front of Crenshaw’s motor home and confronted him…

Five months after he threw an ax at a car that had nearly collided with his motor home, Tango Crenshaw was sentenced to 37 days in jail for two charges stemming from the incident.

Crenshaw, 51, 718 W. P St., had pleaded no contest to two misdemeanor counts: third-degree assault and criminal mischief. He had originally been charged with second-degree assault and use of a deadly weapon to commit a felony.

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Really. With a saw. And then he offered her $5 not to call the police! As reported by The Treasure Coast Palm:

The altercation happened Wednesday morning in the 1700 block of Wyoming Avenue after James Patrick Fitzgerald and his 41-year-old mother argued as she tried to get him to take his medication. Following the argument, the boy bicycled to the Wyoming Avenue address, where he apparently started hitting a tree with a saw.

The mother followed him but he still wouldn’t take the medicine. Fitzgerald raised the saw and hit his mother, who had a minor laceration, on top of her head.

“When he saw the blood coming from her head he threw down the saw and started to plead with the victim to not call the police,” the [police] report states.

He reportedly offered a $5 bill to his mother if she didn’t notify authorities.

The charge? Aggrevated battery. Does this kid have any history? Funny you should ask …

The victim’s pregnant 19-year-old daughter said Fitzgerald has tried to cut her stomach with a fork, claiming he was going to give her a “C-section.”

Wow. That’s more disturbing than the saw incident. But there’s more …

She also said he tried to use hairspray and a cigarette lighter as a torch to set the family cat ablaze.

Yikes! And …

The 19-year-old daughter’s husband said he found Fitzgerald looking up bomb-making instructions on the Internet.

SFM.

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This is no way to treat your cobbler. As reported by The South Asian Post:

A Punjab police constable is suspended after he allegedly fired at a cobbler following an argument. The officer claims the weapon went off accidentally as he tried to control heavy traffic, but cobbler Nand Lal, who was shot in the leg and hospitalized says the officer disagreed with his political point of view and opened fire.

Must have been some really heavy traffic, since apparently a gun was required to control it …

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Working on a pig farm must really suck. But why take it out on the pigs? So PETA did some undercover video work at a pig farm in Iowa, resulting in 6 workers being charged with 22 counts of animal cruelty. What did the video show?

… Another worker admitted to sodomizing the animals with metal rods, shoving clothes pins in the eyes and genitals. He said he takes his frustrations out on them.

That worker better hope his cellmates don’t try to give karma a little push …

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You may recall that, for several years, a google search of “miserable failure” brought up, as the first result, Bush’s White House biography! (Google has since fixed this “problem.”) Now, imagine that the pranksters were in Poland, and the target was the Polish President. Not so good for the prankster. Check this out, from Polskie Radio:

An unusual trial begins at a court in Bielsko Biała, southern Poland. A 24-year old man is accused of offending the president on the Internet. The man created a web positioning program, which linked the official webpage of the President of Poland to one extremely vulgar word. The webpage appeared first on the list of results after typing the obscenity in a search engine.

The police tracked down the man, who was using his own computer. He admitted to the charges. Now he faces up to three years of prison.

Wow. Not so much fun being a Polish prankster.

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In her wake, a woman from Lillington, North Carolina, left 2 injured men, one of them a police officer. Warning: Men, reading this will likely cause you to cringe. From The Daily Record:

Rebecca Arnold Dawson of Lillington was in court again on charges of assaulting Lillington Police Officer Ronnie Bass. Officer Bass tried to arrest Ms. Dawson after she allegedly attacked Kevin Russ, left him with one of his testicles partially removed, after a party shortly after Christmas in 2006. She recently pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault charges in the attack on Mr. Russ.

I’m not sure why the paper says “alleged” since she pleaded guilty. How did she “allegedly” partially castratie the man?

…with her bare hands …

So it probably doesn’t surprise you that her arrest did not go smoothly.

Assistant District Attorney Victoria Hardin said Officer Bass had his hands full when he tried to arrest Ms. Dawson. Ms. Hardin said Officer Bass used a flashlight to a detain Ms. Dawson because of an allergy to pepper spray. He repeatedly hit Ms. Dawson on her legs which Ms. Hardin said was necessity. “He used the flashlight because Ms. Dawson refused to put her legs in the car,” Ms. Hardin said.

Officer Bass eventually had to put Ms. Dawson in leg irons to help control her.

She went on to describe a scene that resulted in Ms. Dawson kicking out the windshield of Officer Bass’ vehicle once she was forced inside. She said Ms. Dawson made a clear effort to spit on the officer and did so, with a bloody mix going into his face. She also said Ms. Dawson used profane language during the entire arrest event.

And at the trial for assaulting the police officer, her defense was … self-defense! How did that play?

“Self-defense is not available in this case,” Judge Weeks told Ms. Dawson. “You are clearly not without fault in this case. It is also clear you were trying to do what you wanted and the officer was doing what was necessary to ascertain what was going on. Your injuries are clearly attributable to your conduct.”

Tough talk indeed, but what was the result? No jail time! She pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor. Click here to read more.