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Before you honk your horn, just remember that there are folks like this out there. As reported by The Post And Courier (Charleston, South Carolina):

The complainant, 22, of Daniel Island said she was in line for the drive-through at about 2 a.m. when a pickup truck in front of her was taking a very long time, the report says.

She said she honked her horn [NO!!], and then the passenger in the truck, a woman of about 20, got out and came back to her vehicle and began yelling and screaming through her window, the report states.

The unknown woman then reportedly sat on the hood of the complainant’s car while hitting the front of it.

The complainant said the truck then pulled up and an unknown man, also about 20, jumped out of the truck, ran back to her car and started kicking the front bumper. The complainant said the incident scared her because the pair were “just acting crazy,” the report states. She gave police the truck’s license plate number.

The reporting officer did not observe any damages to the woman’s car, but she was given a case number. Nothing further was reported.

Yikes.

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Yes, although it’s not exactly sweeping the nation, apparently you can get high from sewage gas. It’s called Jenkem. If this dude in Fort Pierce, Florida is any indication, it’s bad news. As reported by TCPalm.com:

A rooming house reeking of human waste in the 100 block of North 11th Street was evacuated late Wednesday and closed because a disgruntled second-floor renter apparently emptied buckets of raw sewage inside and left, according to police reports.

Police say the upstairs renter probably has been using the sewage to create a gas that when inhaled creates a euphoric high similar to cocaine. The gas — called Jenkem — is collected in a balloon on top of a closed container filled with digesting human waste.

“Highs” from the gas can last 20 minutes, but police quoted the landlord as saying the renter had become aggressive. And six months after moving in, the renter was told to get out, police reports show.

The landlord “theorized that …. (the renter) may have intentionally destroyed his building with ordure (excrement) as a means of revenge for having been ejected from the property,” the report says.

Not cool.

Police were first alerted 10:55 p.m. Wednesday when a downstairs renter came home to repulsive smells. The first officer on the scene also “noticed a strong foul odor (that) wafted through the cold night air,” reports show.

Inside the downstairs room the renter found brown liquid running down the walls and coming through ceiling. Some was in the curtains and on the floor.

Because of the smells, a police officer used an outside staircase to get to an upstairs hallways and to a room “covered with dark substance that appeared to be fecal matter,” according to the police report. “The room had several dozen containers and a five-gallon bucket….containing some of the material” that was dumped onto the floor and furniture.

Worst tenant ever!

Rebuilding the rooming house could cost $150,000, said police who continuing to investigate the case and whether to file charges.

Ouch. Here’s the source.

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What, you think Santa isn’t feeling the recession too? As reported by The Providence (Rhode Island) Journal:

A man dressed in a Santa Claus suit and armed with a gun robbed the East Providence Yacht Club on Pier Road on Sunday night, according to police.

A bartender had been getting the bar at the yacht club ready for the evening when a man, described as large and wearing a Santa hat, white beard, a red Santa suit jacket and jeans, walked in and produced a shotgun or rifle-type gun from a Santa bag.

The bartender fled through the bar entrance and escaped to a nearby establishment.

Police said an undetermined amount of cash was missing from the bar register when police arrived. The incident is under investigation.

Here’s the source. And here’s a video of the story from the local tv station.

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Sure, some people don’t get along with their in-laws. And some parents don’t get along with their kids’ spouses. But this? A whole ‘nother level, as reported in The Las Cruces Sun-News:

A 44-year-old woman who allegedly ripped her daughter-in-law’s nipple off during a drunken argument could be facing criminal charges, the 3rd Judicial District Attorney’s Office confirmed Wednesday.

Ouch, ouch, ouch!

It’s believed to be the first time a local victim has suffered a body part being torn from them, said Chief Deputy District Attorney Amy Orlando.

Ya think?

The victim told officers she, her husband, his mother and one of her husband’s friends had spent Saturday night drinking …

Wait, alcohol was involved?

Sometime after 3 a.m., the victim’s husband had started arguing with his mother, and because it was becoming “very intense,” the victim went to stand in between the two to separate them.

Uh-oh.

When the victim began arguing with her 44-year-old mother-in-law, the older woman allegedly “grabbed (the victim’s) right breast and began to squeeze and pull on her nipple.” The victim yelled to stop, but her mother-in-law allegedly continued to pull until the younger woman began punching her in the face, according to the police report.

The victim then told police she threw her mother-in-law into the yard, but the older woman allegedly kicked in the back door and had to be physically removed again. It was when the victim was putting her mother-in-law’s belongings in the yard that she felt fluid on her breast and realized there was blood on her shirt.

When she untucked her tank top, her nipple fell on the floor, she told police.

YEOW! Can you fix that? …

… doctors were already in the process of reattaching the nipple to the 30-year-old victim’s breast [when Las Cruces police officers responded to Memorial Medical Center on Sunday morning].

Whew. You can read more here.

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Whatever happened to “live and let live?” Something surely happened to it in Lakemoor, Illinois. Just ask Ms. Tina Asmus, who used two toilets and a sink as planters in her yard. For this abominable crime, she was fined $25 under the village’s public nuisance ordinance, as reported by The Northwest Herald. Fortunately, Ms. Asmus fought the fine. And?

While McHenry County Judge Michael Caldwell said on Wednesday that the planters were “not something that appeal” to him, he cited his decades of experience as a village attorney to say the ordinance was not designed to apply in instances like this. Instead, it was meant to stop old, nonfunctional cars from sitting in driveways and prohibit unauthorized scrap metal recycling yards.

You go Judge. The Juice agrees with Ms. Asmus’s attorney.

“It may be that some of [her neighbors] don’t like it,” [Mr. George] Kililis said. “But frankly, that’s their problem.”

And check this out:

One of the toilets also had “God bless my neighbors” written on it, as well as a smiley face.

Well played, madam. Here’s the source, including a photo.

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Why would anyone break into a store that gives everything away for free? From the CBC …

The Free Store, located near 84th Street and 118th Avenue, opened earlier this year. People pay a $2 fee to drop off unwanted items, and store customers can take whatever they want for free.

Co-owner Brandon Tyson came into the store on Thursday night and found two men inside. They’d kicked out the front window, leaving a lot of glass to clean up.

“For the most part, being a free store, we wouldn’t expect someone to come and rob us because they can come back and get it all free the next day,” Tyson said. “But I guess apparently some people do.”

“For the most part”? No, for the WHOLE PART!

Tyson chased the two would-be thieves out of the store, caught one of them and called the police. He said the men were drunk.

Alcohol was involved? Shocking! Here’s the source.

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The Juice is thinking this might have gone down differently if the doctor had expressed interest in the drugs this pharmaceutical salesman was peddling. But he didn’t. Here’s how it went down, as reported by The Independent:

Pakistani authorities have arrested a doctor on suspicion of violating the country’s contentious blasphemy laws after he threw away the business card of a man who shared the name of the Prophet.

Naushad Valiyani, a Muslim doctor in Hyderabad, in Sindh province, was arrested after a complaint to police alleging he had insulted the Prophet.

The case began when Muhammad Faizan, a pharmaceutical representative, gave Mr Valiyani his business card. When the doctor threw it away, Mr Faizan filed a complaint, noting that his name was the same as the Prophet’s.

Here’s the source.

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It pays to know and understand the Constitution, especially the 5th Amendment. A man in Fort Walton Beach, Florida would be well-advised to read it, or at least catch a few episodes of Law & Order. As reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News:

A man stopped for driving with an inoperable brakelight on Nov. 23 was questioned when the officer noticed the man’s pants were unbuttoned and unzipped. The condition of the man’s pants was obvious when he was asked to step out and look at the lights for himself.

Yeah, probably the first guy ever to have a partially unzipped fly…

When the officer questioned him, the driver said he had just left his girlfriend’s house and had picked up the 36-year-old female in his car to give her a ride home.

Okay…

After the officer advised the man that he believed a sexual act was performed in the vehicle, the man said the female had offered to perform that sexual act for $20. The man added that he had paid the $20 but had not yet gotten the act.

Really? It’s not like you were tied to a chair, with a hammer about to smash your toes. How about this answer: nuh-uh.

The defendant had $20 in her pocket, according to her Fort Walton Beach Police Department arrest report.

She was charged with soliciting for prostitution.

Really? What about the loose-lipped, would-be john? Not cool.

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So the parent of a 5-year-old kid had an argument with another parent – on the playground, of course. As a result, Mr. Joseph Moldrich, one of the parents, hatched a scheme to get the kid of the other parent kicked out of school. He would make threatening phone calls to the teacher, pretending to be the other parent! Pure genius, no? No. Here are a few of the messages Moldrich allegedly left (he said he’s going to plead guilty):

You fuck off Oakleigh South.

. . . We know where you live.

. . . Kill, kill, kill.

You fucking, you no leave and me kill you.

Some calls were made with a fake foreign accent, some with a woman’s voice. Wow. Moldrich has been in jail since he was arrested on June 29th. He has not even asked for bail. Should’ve followed The Juice’s motto: What happens on the playground, stays on the playground. You can read the original story here.

Update: Hold the presses! Since the above was originally posted, Mr. Moldrich appeared in court and pleaded guilty. Also from The Herald Sun:

Joseph Moldrich, 48, of Oakleigh South, was given a suspended six-month prison sentence yesterday after pleading guilty to 17 charges, including stalking and making threats to kill.

No jail time, and the prosecutor was pissed!

Prosecutor Sgt Frank Scully argued that Moldrich should be added to the sex offenders’ register, as he had a history of sexual offences, including convictions. “This is an individual who has sat next to teenage girls on public transport and indecently assaulted them,” Sgt Scully said.

“This is man who has attempted to entice a 12-year-old into his car.”

“This is a man who has made sexualised threats.”

Compelling case, no? Apparently not.

The magistrate rejected the application and sentenced Moldrich to six months’ jail, suspended for two years, and put him on a two-year community-based order.

Almost forgot. Here’s another one of Mr. Moldrich’s phone calls:

Moldrich screamed, “You f—ing prostitute, you f—ing slut, you don’t mess with Russians, I kill your wife” after phoning the home of a teacher, the court was told.

Here’s the second story.

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Wait. That didn’t come out right. The “good deed” was an appearance at a charity event for children in Mumbai, India. And the person being sued is the beautiful actress/model Yana Gupta (yes, that’s her). Sadly, it is true that she is being sued for allegedly not wearing panties. As reported by The Times of India:

Actor and model Yana Gupta may have forgotten to wear her underpants at a recent charity function for kids in Mumbai but she sure won’t forget the episode in a hurry.

And Rizwan Ahmed, a self-proclaimed social activist in Lucknow, may just help to keep the controversy alive. Ahmed has filed a case against Yana, the photographer who clicked her pictures and the organizer of the event, Sushila Nirali for obscenity under section 292/ 293 and 294 of the IPC in the court of the Chief Judicial Magistrate, Lucknow on Tuesday.

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