Articles Posted in Uncool

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Couples fight. Couples make up. In between, sometimes things are done or said. But this? Gents, if you insist on continuing to read this, be forewarned, it will hurt. As reported by The Jersey Journal (at nj.com):

A Jersey City man who went to sleep after an argument with his girlfriend was awakened late Thursday night when she bit his scrotum, tearing right through the skin, authorities said.

Yeowwwwwww!!!!!

Linda Mendez, 40, was charged early this morning with aggravated assault and domestic violence, over the objection of her boyfriend, who told police he did not want to press charges. The mother of three appeared in court yesterday and her bail was set at $35,000 with a 10 percent cash option.

The 46-year-old victim told police that the two argued at 11:30 Thursday, and to avoid the argument he went to sleep, reports said. Minutes later Mendez woke him by biting his neck and his scrotum, causing bleeding, police said.

Maybe he doesn’t want to press charges because he’s terrified what she’ll bite next? Here’s the source, with a photo of Ms. Mendez.

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Hey lady, get a life. If you were so offended by what you thought this guy was doing, why did you follow him? For the children? As reported by tcpalm.com:

A 34-year-old woman told Port St. Lucie police she saw a man in his vehicle in a plaza on Southwest Port St. Lucie Boulevard. He was “making an up and down motion in the area of his crotch,” a recently released police report states.

The woman didn’t see his genitals but believed the man was masturbating. He started to circle the parking lot, and she began following him and called police.

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Who do you think this woman called after the crash, on the way to the hospital? She called her insurance company – to report it, right? Well, not exactly. As reported by PhillyBurbs.com:

On the way to the hospital after she was involved in a four-car accident last October, Regina Whitehead did what most people do: She called her insurance company.

Really? As a personal injury lawyer, The Juice can assure you that this is not something most crash victims do in an ambulance, on their way to the hospital. Anyway …

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Some people just seem intent on sucking all of the joy out of life. Here’s a case in point, as reported by The Seattle Times:

The staff at Lafayette Elementary School in West Seattle has decided to uphold its decision not to allow students to dress up for Halloween this year, according to a Seattle Public Schools spokeswoman.

The decision, however, was centered around the costumes being a distraction during an abbreviated day of school, not around the possibility of offending students from other cultures, or offending some students’ religious beliefs, district spokeswoman Teresa Wippel said in an email sent out this morning.

So you made a bad decision, reviewed it, and decided to stick with it. Brilliant!

“Staff suggested that since Halloween falls this year on a half day of school, the school not allow costumes. It takes students a while to change into their costumes, and students are distracted, taking away from the already limited instructional time,” Wippel wrote.

“The principal said that staff also had a conversation about cultural issues that will also be discussed further, but the reason for the final decision about costumes this year was due to instructional time.”

As Colonel Sherman Potter of M.A.S.H. was fond of saying, “horse hockey!” In keeping with the teachings of Otter in Animal House (“We’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America!”), one parent is somewhat defiant.

Although Halloween has its roots as a religious observance, parent Ken Allen said it’s pretty clearly a secular holiday now, and that’s what he’s hearing from other parents.

Allen’s daughter plans to dress up as Hunger Games protagonist Katniss Everdeen, and will get in costume after school if the costume ban holds.

Wippel said there is no district-wide policy on costumes. The decision to allow costumes is up to individual schools.

At least he’s a straightforward joysucker. Here’s the source.

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It’s nice to see a couple in love, right? Yes, and no. In this case, definitely “no.” As reported by wkmg (clickorlando.com):

Orlando police said Jeremie Calo, 32, and his date were “having sex on a table in view of minor children” on the patio of Paddy Murphy’s restaurant.

Yikes!

“That’s ridiculous that they would do that out in public and also in front of kids,” said Ashley Webster. Several witnesses told Local 6 that parents with children were eating on the patio as the couple started making out, then things went further.

The kids!

“That’s totally unacceptable and insane. I’m shocked. I can’t believe that,” said Jackie Kelvington as she watched her daughter at gymnastics across the street. “I would absolutely yank my kids, get them away from that situation and hope that they didn’t see too much.”

Run!

The manager at Paddy Murphy’s, Tom Murphy, said as soon as he realized what was going on he put a stop to it. He told the couple, “Compose yourself, pay your tab or I’ll call the police,” according to the report.

Said Mr. Calo:

“She can’t get up at this time” because his date was still on top of him.

Funny. Not smart or cool. But pretty funny.

Murphy called police, and the couple then stopped what they were doing.

When police arrived, they arrested Calo for fighting with the manager and refusing to pay the $101 bill.

Wait, not fornicating in public, or some such charge?

Neither Calo nor his date were arrested for any of the sex allegations because none of the parents who saw the sex acts wanted to write statements for police.

Here’s the source.

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You just can’t go around arresting people for cussing, or you may be ponying up, as this Georgia city discovered. As reported by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

Community activist Mary Kirkendoll grew so frustrated with Smyrna’s town hall question-and-answer session, she stood up and began to leave. Before she got to the door, she turned toward the audience and uttered a profanity. “This is [expletive],” she said during the April 21, 2009, meeting. “They are never going to tell the truth.”

Really, AJC? You can’t say “bullshit” when it’s a direct quote that’s at the heart of the story? Anyway …

Kirkendoll was immediately put under arrest and then jailed for more than two hours. Later, she filed a federal lawsuit, alleging her free speech rights had been violated and that she had been falsely arrested and imprisoned.

What did this lulu cost the city? (Fine. What did it cost the city’s insurance carrier…)

This week, the city’s insurance carrier agreed to pay $85,000 to Kirkendoll to settle the litigation, city spokeswoman Jennifer Bennett said. The city was not involved in the carrier’s decision to settle, she said.

“I hope that the city and mayor got the message and that no one else will ever be arrested for simply speaking out during a public meeting,” Kirkendoll said Thursday. “I am certainly thankful the lawsuit is over and that I have finally been vindicated.”

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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Of course you can, especially under circumstances like these, as reported by The Hamilton Spectator (Hamilton, Ontario):

Hamilton police responded to reports of an abandoned vehicle at 4:45 a.m. in the middle of the roadway at Ridge Road near 5th Road.

Abandoned? Not exactly.

They found the car with the headlights on, the vehicle in gear and keys in the ignition.

The driver was passed out in the front seat. She was arrested and refused a breathalyzer test.

The 24-year-old was charged with impaired and refusing to take a breathalyzer test. She was released on a promise to appear.

No bail? The Juice would not have been so trusting. Here’s the source.

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Please, save your apologies, especially the ones that were part of the judge’s sentence! As reported by The Sun Chronicle (Attleboro & North Attleboro, Massachusetts):

A Plainville resident, a former municipal water superintendent, must write an apology to the town where he was once employed and pay to have apologies printed in a major regional newspaper and a trade magazine as part of the sentence for falsifying municipal water safety records.

John Tetreault, a Plainville resident and the former water superintendent for the town of Avon was sentenced by a federal judge Thursday to apologize to the town’s residents by having to write an apology for falsifying water safety records, and placing that apology in the Boston Globe and in a local and regional trade publications, the Boston Globe reported Saturday.

Is this a joke? The Juice is all for creative sentencing, but how does this help anyone? What a total waste of money. Well, at least he’ll be doing some jail time. Wait, no jail time?

He must also pay a $15,000 fine and was placed on probation for a year.

No, not probation! Oh the humanity! As for what specifically Mr. Tetreault did:

According to the published report, Tetreault, 55, pleaded guilty to two counts of knowingly submitting federally required reports with false information about disinfectant levels at the town’s two water treatment facilities, saying they met safety standards when they didn’t.

Hmm. Sounds like a pretty serious infraction. In fairness to the judge, perhaps it was a factor that …

Officials said public health was not threatened because Avon’s water was clean and safe without the disinfectant. It was reported that the records were tampered with on four occasions in 2010, according to investigators who worked on the case.

Why cut the guy a break because he apparently lucked out on the water not being dangerous in spite of his fraud. Surely the disinfectants serve some purpose? Not cool judge. Not cool at all. Dude should have seen the inside of a cell, at least for a few months. Here’s the source.

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Just the other day, The Juice blogged about a cancer faker. That lady had nothing on Ms. Lori E. Stilley. As reported by The Gloucester County Times (New Jersey) at nj.com:

Making more than $3,000 from sales of an e-book was far from the only thing a township woman did to rake in tens of thousands of dollars from lying about having cancer, authorities allege.

According to a statement released from the Burlington County Prosecutor’s Office, the scheme began and ended in 2011.

Lori E. Stilley, 40, told family and friends in February that she had been diagnosed with Stage III bladder cancer, authorities said.

She told them she’d undergone radiation and chemotherapy treatment, prosecutors said, posting the same on Facebook and her personal website.

In April, Stilley allegedly said the cancer had progressed to Stage IV. She told her loved ones she didn’t have health insurance, although authorities said investigation would show she’d never been diagnosed with cancer.

Surely if you’re telling folks your cancer is Stage IV, you have an end game, right? Well … Anyway, in the interim …

The friends and relatives organized several efforts to raise money for Stilley, including a T-shirt sale. A fundraising banquet in July 2011 raised $8,400. Another fundraiser and cash raffle that summer brought in another $1,000.

Stilley sold her e-book about struggling daily with cancer – posted for sale in October – for $14.99. She reportedly told people she wanted to marry her boyfriend before she died.

So again, loved ones came through for her. They planned the wedding that took place within a week and a half. The organizers haggled the wedding hall price down to $500 and covered the cost on their own.

Then there were the donations of gift cards totaling more than $1,600.

One friend even created a meal calendar – posted on Stilley’s website – by which kind souls prepared and delivered meals to her. They scheduled dates for deliveries months ahead of time.

That’s one helluva support group this lady had.

But the alleged scheme wouldn’t include a faked death. In November, when she was supposedly due soon for hospice care, Stilley posted on her Facebook page a message saying she was feeling better and believed a miracle was coming.

A miracle? That’s the exit plan for your despicable scheme? And you thought people would buy it? A miracle?

When she postponed hospice, her long-loyal friends became suspicious.

Following investigation, Stilley surrendered Wednesday morning, authorities said, at the Delran Township Police Department.

She was charged theft by deception and was released after posting $25,000 bail.

Here’s the source, including a photo of Ms. Stilley.

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It was good of this niece to look after her sickly aunt. Or was it? Her motives are certainly in question now, since her aunt died over 2 years ago and, as reported by TheSpec.com (Hamilton, Ontario) …

Police are searching for the body of a Hamilton woman they allege was illegally disposed of by her niece more than two years ago in order to keep cashing disability cheques.

A police media release initially stated the 62-year-old woman died of natural causes in 2009, but case manager Detective Sergeant Matt Kavanagh clarified Friday afternoon that her remains have yet to be recovered.

He said medical records indicated the woman was in “very, very poor health,” but without a body, the coroner cannot confirm a cause of death.

Yeah, it’s generally a good idea to examine the body before determining the cause of death.

“We have an idea where the body is, and we’re still trying to locate it,” Kavanagh said, declining to offer any other details because the investigation is ongoing.

In the mean time …

The woman’s 45-year-old niece was arrested Thursday morning and was released on a promise to appear. She had been living with her sickly aunt, acting as her caregiver in their Stoney Creek home.

She is co-operating with police in the retrieval of the body, Kavanagh said.

So what was the take?

According to the Ministry of Community and Social Services, the maximum amount a single person on Ontario Disability Support Program (ODSP) could receive for basic needs and shelter is $1,064 per month — $31,920 over two-and-a-half years.

How was she caught?

Police began their investigation — led by the homicide unit — in July after a concerned family member contacted them, worried the woman had died without the proper authorities being contacted.

The charges?

… the niece was charged with offering an indignity to a dead person, two counts of forgery, fraud over $5,000, impersonation with intent to gain advantage and uttering a forged document.

Here’s the source.