Articles Posted in Say What?

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Hmm. A woman convicted of forgery appeared in court to receive her sentence. She asked the judge for a postponement due to health reasons, and presented a doctor’s note. Hmm. As reported by the San Luis Obispo Tribune:

Michelle Elaine Astumian was free on $45,000 bail and pleaded no contest in January to felony counts of forgery and using a fraudulent check.

The 41-year-old woman arrived Monday for sentencing in a San Luis Obispo County courtroom and presented a note with a doctor’s signature asking for a postponement.

The Juice knows what you’re thinking: “hmm.”

Prosecutor Dave Pomeroy called the doctor, who said the note is a forgery.

No! Who would do such a thing?

The judge immediately ordered Astumian into custody and she collapsed to the floor. An ambulance took her to a hospital.

Immediately into custody? So …

Pomeroy [said] … that Astumian will be sentenced later, but he doesn’t know when.

Victory! Sort of? Here’s the source.

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What’s in a name? Plenty, if you’re talking about beer names and the Michigan Liquor Control Commission. You’re in trouble when the standard you’re using, as here, is whether the product is “deemed … to be detrimental to the health, safety or welfare of the general public.” A little vague, perhaps?

As reported by www.mlive.com:

Flying Dog Brewery is suing the state Liquor Control Commission, alleging the agency is censoring its free speech by rejecting labels for the bottler’s “Raging Bitch” 20th Anniversary India Pale Ale.

So Michigan has a problem with “Raging Bitch” beer. What Flying Dog beers has it okayed, you might be wondering?

[Flying Dog] markets approved labels, including “Doggie Style” Classic Pale Ale [and] “In Heat Wheat” Hefeweizen Ale … at many chain and specialty stores in West Michigan.

And don’t forget about this one …

… the state has allowed sales of alcoholic beverages with a vulgar term on the label. Among those are a Grand Rapids brew “Dirty Bastard,” crafted by Founders.

If you’re wondering why “Doggie Style,” “In Heat Wheat,” and “Dirty Bastard” are okay but “Raging Bitch” isn’t, The Juice also wonders. To read a lot more, including Flying Dog’s connection to Hunter S. Thompson, click here.

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Think of the last place a man would want to be kicked? Well, the same goes for being tased. Just ask the Arizona police officer who got zapped there. Per The Arizona Daily Star:

A Nogales police officer who claims his former sergeant used a Taser on his genitals last February has filed a federal lawsuit against the Police Department and former sergeant.

Yeowwww!

According to the lawsuit, Sgt. Sergio Bon “aggressively” pushed a clipboard holding citations at Officer Pedro Molera when Molera placed the clipboard on Bon’s desk on Feb. 8, 2010. Bon then unholstered his Taser, removed the front cartridge and pointed it at Molera, the lawsuit states.

When Molera responded “Are you going to use it? Go ahead,” Bon placed it on Molera’s penis over his clothes and squeezed the trigger for a “couple of seconds,” the lawsuit states.

[Police Chief] Kirkham previously confirmed Bon, an 18-year veteran, resigned as a result of the incident, and acknowledged Bon would likely have been terminated had he not submitted his resignation.

You can read more here.

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No need for a sobriety checkpoint. This Florida woman gets a huge assist in her own arrest, as reported by wtsp.com:

A Tampa Bay-area woman faces several charges after authorities say she passed out while she and three children waited at a Burger King drive-thru.

The Pasco County Sheriff’s Office reports that employees called authorities Tuesday night after watching 27-year-old April A. Musson fall asleep in her car. Children — ages 1, 3 and 5 — were also in the vehicle.

Why so sleepy? The sheriff’s office says deputies found an oxycodone pill and marijuana on Musson, and she told them she had smoked marijuana earlier that day.

Here’s the source, including a photo of Ms. Musson.

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Without Johnny Law, there would be chaos, right? In this situation, Johnny Law needs to step off. In the Australian city of Whitehorse, little children drawing with chalk in front of a cafe have been deemed to be … taggers! As reported by The Whitehorse Leader:

Children drawing with chalk on a Nunawading footpath have been labeled graffiti artists.

THEY MUST BE STOPPED.

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Who knew what “flex” was? Maybe you hipsters, but not The Juice. Anyway, it would seem that one can make some serious jack selling the stuff. As reported by Creative Loafing Atlanta:

Around 2 p.m., police responded to a silent panic alarm at an Armour Drive apartment, and a 30-year-old man came to the door. An officer wrote in his report, “It appeared that [he] was hiding something and attempted to place something in his right pants pocket.” Turns out he was hiding stuff pretty much everywhere. After picking up a search warrant and a drug dog, police reportedly found $20,879 in cash on the kitchen counter, more than $16,000 cash in the right kitchen drawer and $3,954 cash in the left kitchen drawer.

The dog moved to the hallway, and found $32,171 in a computer desk, three bags in a closet stuffed with more than $93,000 cash, a Gucci bag filled with $9,394, and 12 grams of white powdery stuff. The man told police he sells flex, aka fake drugs. An initial test on the powder came back negative. Police gathered up the white stuff and sent it to a lab for more tests.

Total cash police say they found in the apartment: $295,583.

Wow.

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In relationships, as with many other things, you need to know when to cut your losses. For this Florida woman, it’s clearly time. As reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News:

A man was arrested after he locked his girlfriend in a shed and threw cottage cheese at her.

The woman called law enforcement about her boyfriend of about five years after the 43-year-old locked her in a shed, threw a container of cottage cheese at her and then tried to pour gasoline on her, according to the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office arrest report.

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Who doesn’t want a Land Rover? Even if you are going to steal one, clearly this is not the best way to go about it. As reported by FloridaToday.com:

A 24-year-old man is in jail today after sheriff’s investigators said he broke into a car dealership, drove through two sets of bay doors and crashed into 11 vehicles on the lot.

Travis Stone was charged with burglary, grand theft auto and 11 separate counts of criminal mischief in connection with the break-in that left behind $30,000 in damage to the Island Lincoln Mercury dealership at 1850 Merritt Island Causeway.

Now this might surprise you …

“He was highly intoxicated. He told us that he didn’t remember how he got into the dealership but he remembers driving through the bay doors,” said Agent Craig Carson of the Brevard County Sheriff’s Office.

Investigators said Stone got into the garage and drove off with a 2000 Land Rover that was in the dealership for repairs. Investigators said Stone then drove through locked bay doors, damaging the building in the process.

Deputies spotted the Land Rover and attempted to stop the vehicle. Stone was arrested after a short foot pursuit, investigators said.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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The Juice has shared many “911” stories over the years. (Click here for all Juice posts with “911.”) This one is clearly “top 5” material. As reported by The Sandusky Register (Ohio):

Officers responded to the 100 block of E. Water St. at 3:17 a.m., where several bar patrons had been arguing. Police told Joseph A. Walsh, 26, to calm down and leave the area.

And of course Mr. Walsh … didn’t.

Walsh started to get into a vehicle with some friends to leave, but then began arguing with one of the men and shoved him, police said.

Police arrested Walsh for persistent disorderly conduct. While taking him into custody, officers said Walsh was unsteady on his feet, had bloodshot eyes and slurred speech.

Officers also found a rolled $20 bill containing suspected cocaine residue on it in Walsh’s front pocket.

Having clearly done nothing wrong …

Walsh became belligerent with officers while en route to the police department, so they placed Walsh in a holding cell, but he screamed and pounded on the door, refusing to settle down, they said.

Police then handcuffed Walsh to the holding-cell door to keep him from hurting himself or damaging department property.

Apparently that was the final straw for Mr. Walsh.

… while officers completed charges against Walsh, he managed to take out his cell phone and call 911 to complain that he was being held against his will.

Brilliant!

Police took the phone and served Walsh with charges of possession of cocaine, persistent disorderly conduct and misuse of 911. He was booked into the Erie County Jail.

Doh! Here’s the source.

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“We just robbed the Chicken Shack! We just robbed the Chicken Shack!” Okay, so these Lakeland, Florida perps didn’t actually yell that out, but they might as well have. As reported by wtsp.com:

Tuesday morning, Officers Tony Williams and David Kaiser responded to reports of a burglary at the Chicken Shack located at 813 West Memorial Blvd. When police showed up, they found the business had been robbed of t-shirts, beer and other property.

A witness who called in the burglary also reported seeing two men running from the store and was able to give a description of the men. A short time later, and not very far away, the officers spotted 35-year-old Chad Berrien and 31-year-old Rickey Wright.

You’ll recall that they stole some t-shirts. Yup …

Police say Berrien and Wright were both wearing Chicken Shack t-shirts and had several more in a bag. The suspects also still had some of the stolen beer minus what they had already drank.

They were drinking? No way.

Both men are charged with burglary and grand theft.

Here’s the source, including mug shots.