Articles Posted in Say What?

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When you have a flat tire, you’re already having a bad day. The next time you get a flat, remember this story, and know that it could have been a LOT worse.

It all started when this gent was just fixing his flat tire, and a police officer stopped to help him. As reported in The Post & Courier:

A man arrested for marijuana possession now faces a drug trafficking charge after officers and jailers found 14 grams of crack cocaine inside his body.

Derrick Andrew Guest, 24 of North Charleston is charged with simple possession of marijuana and trafficking crack cocaine.

You can probably guess where they found the crack …

Officers found the cocaine in his rectum while conducting a strip search [while he was being booked] at the Charleston County Detention Center, according to an incident report.

Guest was initially arrested about 5 p.m. Monday after an officer who had stopped to assist him with a flat tire smelled marijuana on him.

Guest told police he didn’t have any marijuana on him but he agreed to let officers examine the contents of his pockets. They found two clear bags of marijuana, the report said.

Damn you flat tire!

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It’s never a good idea to leave the keys in the ignition. It’s an especially bad idea under these circumstances, as reported by The Brooklyn Paper

A thief stole a $50,000 tractor trailer packed with $200,000 in beef on Grand Street on May 30.

The driver told police that she was making a delivery to Western Beef at 3:30 am, and parked her truck near Gardner Avenue with the key in its ignition. She returned 10 minutes later to suffer a bum steer.

$200,000? That’s some seriously choice meat, or a helluva lot of it, or both.

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You can allege anything. The question is, can you prove it? Check out the allegations in a lawsuit currently pending in Fairfax County (Virginia) Circuit Court, as reported in The Washington Post:

Paragraph 10. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was going 85 miles per hour.”

Paragraph 12. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was having sex with a female.”

Paragraph13. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was driving admittedly drunk.”

Paragraph 14. “At the time of the accident, Defendant was partially or totally in the backseat of the car.”

So those are the allegations. Said the defendant’s lawyer …

… there was “no statement by anyone that they were driving on the Beltway having sex” and “no facts on it.”

The Post also reports that …

Records show the defendant, from Woodbridge, was convicted in Fairfax district court of drunken driving near Telegraph Road in May 2010. But now he denies he was driving. (What?) He was coming from his 21st birthday party in Baltimore, court records state. The woman involved has been dismissed from the case. There was someone ELSE in the car too, and HE denies driving as well.

Should be quite the trial. (It’ll take place next week.) Here’s the source.

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Well, it’s certainly not the first place folks would look for missing property. Nevertheless, by her own admission, Ms. Jones hid the jewelry in her, uh, um … you know. As reported by The Sandusky Register:

Erie County Sheriff’s deputies arrested an Elyria roofer who told them she stole valuable jewelry from a Wakeman home and concealed it inside her body.

Elizabeth N. Jones, 19, is in the Erie County jail on charges that include theft, burglary, tampering with evidence and possession of drugs.

Michele Halliwell, 12000 block Ohio 113 East, told deputies Jones had been part of a crew working on her roof when she went inside to use the restroom and asked to use the bathtub to wash her legs. Shortly afterward, Halliwell noticed her husband’s wedding ring and grandmother’s diamond ring were missing.

Someone had also rifled through her purse and wallet.

… [Jones] also admitted she’d gone inside the Halliwell home looking for something to steal and had concealed the rings inside her vagina. Deputies asked a female nurse at the jail to recover the rings, which together had an estimated value of $5,000.

Yikes. Surely the nurse was thrilled to get that call. Here’s the source, with a mug shot.

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In probably every household, there is disagreement regarding the desirable thermostat temperature. In almost every household, a compromise is reached. In this household, not so much. These sisters, who share a home, got into it over one degree. As reported by The Chicago Tribune:

Ilona Sales and Wanda Lupina both say they ended up bruised in the tussle sparked when Sales turned the heat up to 68 degrees.

Lupina turned the heat down one degree, to 67, and that’s when the trouble started …

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You did NOT just pull a gun on the clerk for that amount of money. As reported by The Chicago Tribune:

A Cook County judge set bail at $50,000 today for a man charged with displaying a handgun to a convenience store clerk who refused to give him 99 cents.

According to court records, Christopher Tisley, 34, walked into a convenience store in the 2800 block of West Lawrence Avenue in the Ravenswood neighborhood around 3 a.m. Saturday and demanded the money. When the clerk refused, he displayed a gun.

Tisley, of the 5800 block of South Morgan Street, exited the store after a customer walked in, allowing the clerk to lock the door. Tisley then returned and repeatedly pounded on the windows of the store, court records state.

He returned to the store! But not for long …

Police were notified and arrested Tisley a block away. The gun Tisley allegedly displayed was not recovered, but prosecutors say police found 3 grams of methamphetamine in his possession.

Tisley is charged with aggravated assault and possession of a controlled substance.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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(Pretty provocative title, right? The Juice is looking forward to the MADD emails.) Who is a better driver: a drunk 40-year-old or … a 13-year-old boy? Unfortunately, the drunk guy did not give himself the choice of “none of the above.” As reported by The Seattle Times, he went with … the boy.

The jerky driving and constant braking was an indicator of an inexperienced driver, but when the trooper pulled the sedan over in SeaTac on Sunday he was more than surprised by who was behind the wheel.

The driver, a 13-year-old boy, told the trooper that it was his first time behind the wheel, according to the State Patrol. His father, 40, had apparently been drinking at a house and had his son drive them home, said Trooper Julie Startup, recalling the conversation she had with the colleague who stopped the Lincoln on Sunday afternoon.

Doh! How about a taxi?

According to Startup, the silver Lincoln was heading east on South 166th Street in SeaTac when the vehicle, which had a broken windshield, and its young driver caught the eye of the trooper.

The trooper had the boy’s father step out of the car and noticed obvious signs of intoxication, she said. The man was booked in King County Jail for investigation of reckless endangerment and allowing an unauthorized person to drive.

And the young wheel man?

The boy was released to his mother and will not face criminal charges.

Here’s a one-word law that should be in force everywhere: “Really?” Of course, The Juice will be the sole arbiter of what constitutes a violation, and the appropriate punishment. Here’s the source for the story.

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Before you jump all over 19-year-old Calvin Morett [not pictured above – that dude is a “model”], remember that you were once 19 too. It seems Mr. Morett was not content to throw his cap in the air. Instead, he came to graduation dressed as a 6-foot penis, and sprayed students and school administrators with silly string (per The Albany Times Union). It didn’t go over well. He was apprehended when he tripped on his, um, costume. He was charged with, and pleaded guilty to, disorderly conduct. The punishment for this “crime?” Three apologies (one of which will be published in the local paper), $95 in court costs, and 24 hours community service. What did Mr. Morett have to say for himself?

… he recently told a local television station that he thought the prank was worth whatever punishment he would face because he made people happy.

The Juice is most definitely a fan.

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The much maligned and often stepped over penny took another hit in Utah. As reported by The Deseret News (Salt Lake City):

On May 27, Jason West went to Basin Clinic prepared to dispute an outstanding bill, according to Assistant Vernal Police Chief Keith Campbell. West, 38, apparently did not believe he owed the clinic the $25 it said he did.

“After asking if they accepted cash, West dumped 2,500 pennies onto the counter and demanded that they count it,” Campbell said. “The pennies were strewn about the counter and the floor.”

The incident upset clinic staff, said Campbell, adding that West’s behavior served “no legitimate purpose.”

Clinic staff told West they were calling police and he left the office. Officers caught up with West later and issued him a citation for disorderly conduct, an infraction, which carries a potential fine of $140.

Seems like a huge waste of time to The Juice. Here’s the source, which has a link to an interview with Mr. West.

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There’s often an innocent explanation for even the weirdest behavior. Let’s just say you want to keep some pills warm. Where on your body would you put them to accomplish this? Now it’s not like your hiding them – just keeping them warm. Well sir, as reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News…

A man was arrested after deputies found 55 pills hidden under his groin.

How exactly do you find pills in someone’s groin? This gent made it easy.

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