Articles Posted in Say What?

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Yes, a real fight, with weapons, began with some grass clippings. As reported by The Review (East Liverpool, Ohio):

Two men were charged with felonious assault Sunday after they got into an argument over grass clippings that evolved into a fight with a machete and a club.

Whoa there, fellas.

City police charged Raymond C. Link, 63, Anderson Boulevard, and Collin Neal, 82, South Park Circle after officers were called to Anderson Boulevard Sunday afternoon for a report of a machete attack.

There, they were advised by Link that he had had trouble with his neighbor, Neal, over grass clippings blowing into Link’s property.

So your neighbor is responsible for the wind?

Link said when he confronted Neal, he was assaulted with a wooden club, with Neal hitting him in the head.

Doink!

Link then armed himself with a machete and injured Neal’s left hand, according to reports.

Neal then got his AK-47 … (kidding)

Neal told officers he was trying to remove the clippings when Link struck him with the machete, so he went and got the club, but he denied striking his neighbor.

Think this is over? Unlikely. Here’s the source.

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It probably went something like this: “Don’t worry, honey. I’ll call my friend the Judge. You’ll be out in no time.” Or not, though the call was made to the Honorable James (“Jim”) Patrick Sharp, Jr., Justice on the First Court of Appeals in Houston, Harris County, Texas. Here’s what happened, from the State Commission on Judicial Conduct’s Findings of Fact:

On January 17, 2012, at approximately 8:00 p.m., Justice Sharp received a telephone call from a family friend informing him that her 15-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting at a department store in Brazoria County.

The friend informed Justice Sharp that her daughter had been taken to the Brazoria County Juvenile Detention Center (hereinafter “Juvenile Detention”). She further informed Justice Sharp that Juvenile Detention staff had advised her that pursuant to standard policy, her daughter would not be released until the following morning.

The friend asked Justice Sharp for assistance in securing her daughter’s early release from Juvenile Detention so that she would not be required to spend the night at the facility.

So what did the Judge do? Plenty.

During all of the calls, Justice Sharp identified himself as a Justice of the First Court of Appeals; he stated that he was calling on behalf of his friend’s daughter (hereinafter the “juvenile”); and he sought information on how to secure the juvenile’s early release from Juvenile Detention.

During all of the calls, Justice Sharp was advised that Brazoria County had a policy that required the juvenile to remain in Juvenile Detention until the following morning, at which time a judge would magistrate her and/or review her case.

Policy? Fuhgeddaboutit!

Not satisfied with the response he had been given, Justice Sharp repeatedly and persistently asked Juvenile Detention staff what could be done to secure the juvenile’s early release, and offered to drive to the facility to magistrate and/or “sign orders to release” the juvenile that night.

First up?

During his conversation with the Assistant Director, Justice Sharp referred to the possibility of Brazoria County being sued for failing to release the juvenile that night, stating: “[Y]our county is going to be sued for hundreds of thousands of dollars for this. You’ll have picked the wrong little girl that has friends in high places to mess with.”

Justice Sharp also stated to the Assistant Director, “Well, I can tell you this, things are about to change in Brazoria County. You guys are a bunch of back woods hillbillies that use screwed up methods in dealing with children and I can promise you this, things are about to change in Brazoria County.”

Charming. Moving right along …

At approximately 10:00 p.m. that night, Justice Sharp telephoned a local District Judge and left a voicemail message advising the judge that a friend’s daughter was being detained in Juvenile Detention, and that he hoped the judge would “make a call” to release her.

Justice Sharp also sent a text message to the District Judge asking if he would call Juvenile Detention to help “get [the juvenile] released tonight.”

Next up?

At approximately 10:30 p.m. that night, Justice Sharp telephoned a Brazoria County Commissioner and left a voicemail message identifying himself as “Justice Jim Sharp in Houston,” and advising the Commissioner that his friend’s daughter had been arrested for shoplifting and was being held in Juvenile Detention.

In his voicemail message, Justice Sharp asked the Commissioner, “What can we do to get that girl out tonight?” Justice Sharp further expressed his opinion there was “no sense” in having the juvenile spend the night in jail, and that, “I need your help. You will probably know who to call to make the keys go open.”

At approximately 11:47 p.m. that night, Justice Sharp sent a text message to the Commissioner, stating as follows: “If I were Brazoria Co. commissioner, I’d be on [the] look out for some serious lawsuits arising from your juvie [sic] facilities. . . You don’t release 15 yrs olds accused of simple shoplifting (bra and jeans) to their parents on the request of an Appeals Ct Justice? Serious problems there, Dude. Call me pronto, please. Justice Jim Sharp.”

Props for being such a good friend?

In voicemail and text messages to the District Judge and the County Commissioner, Justice Sharp made the following statements concerning a Juvenile Detention officer, who Justice Sharp accused of being “rude” to him:

a. The officer was the “most arrogant little prick [he] had ever talked to in [his] life,” and that if he had met with the officer “in person,” the officer would have known that he “had visited.”

b. If he had spoken to the officer “in person,” and if Justice Sharp had been in possession of a “baseball bat . . . that son of a bitch would have been cracked upside the head. Fucking little cocksucker.”

c. “Brazoria County Juvie Folks are [not] just arrogant but ignorant. When an Appeals Court Justice calls and identifies himself and then they refer to me as ‘Mr.’ Sharp, it bespeaks a fundamental misunderstanding of respect and pecking order!”

d. “[S]ome county paycheck functionary . . . call[ing] me ‘rude’ also is totally unacceptable and that stupid asshole need find [a] new job that never has him communicating with appellate court justices. Had I been there personally, it would have been damn ugly for him.”

Yikes.

During this same night, Justice Sharp unsuccessfully attempted to contact a former State Representative, a senior district court judge, and a local criminal defense attorney, all in an effort to secure the juvenile’s early release from Juvenile Detention.

Shazam! Like The Juice said, the Judge was fortunate to only receive a public reprimand. You’ll find the full document here.

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Yes, you can end up in jail for slapping a horse. As reported by wmbfnews.com (Wilmington, North Carolina):

Authorities in Wilmington say they were trying to break up a crowd after an assault Sunday outside of a night club when Seth Andrew Bishop apparently decided that slapping the horse of a mounted police officer was good idea.

Slapping any horse? Not cool. Slapping a police horse? Brilliant!

He’s being charged with injury to law enforcement or assistance animal.

He posted bond, which was set at 500 dollars and is out of jail.

Anyone else think the community service will involve working in a barn with a shovel? Here’s the source.

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You’re up in a police helicopter, looking down at 3 plants on a guy’s deck. Can you really identify them as marijuana? Really? That’s what they’re saying, as reported by The Times at nj.com:

Peter R. Taylor, 23, was allegedly growing the marijuana on the back deck of his home on the 100 block of Coachman Drive. The plants were spotted by the state police Marijuana Eradication Unit during a helicopter flight yesterday, officials said.

“He saw the helicopter and attempted to pull the plants and destroy them,” said Sgt. Gregory Williams, a State Police spokesman.

Florence police and the Burlington County Prosecutor’s Office had received confidential information about the marijuana growing at Taylor’s house and initiated the joint investigation with the state police, officials said.

“Joint” investigation! Get it?

Law enforcement officers on the ground arrested him immediately after the team in the helicopter saw the plants, police said.

A search of the home revealed just over six ounces of processed marijuana valued at $1,800, Williams said. The three plants have a combined value of $6,000, according to the state police.

If they had information from a confidential informant, why not just get a search warrant? Why the flyover?

Taylor was charged with possession of marijuana, manufacturing drugs, and hindering apprehension by destroying evidence, Florence police said.

He was released after posting $25,000 full cash bail.

Here’s the source.

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Has 7-Eleven gone upscale lately? If not, then what on earth did this man buy? As reported by The Burlington County Times (Pennsylvania):

Police are searching for a man who bought more than $1,600 worth of items from 7-Eleven with stolen credit cards.

The man went to the convenience store on Route 73 shortly after 5 a.m. Friday and used the cards to buy $1,633 worth of merchandise, police said Tuesday.

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When you think of road rage, you think about aggressive driving, or maybe even someone pulling a weapon, right? But this? You would not think of this. Ever. Per BeeNews.com (New York):

Police responded to a road rage incident on Union Road. Reportedly, two motorists were spitting on each other after following each other around town.

The Juice can think of worse ways to settle disputes.

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Is it really a “car chase” if the suspect isn’t speeding, but just refuses to pull over? While you’re pondering that, here’s the story, as reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News:

On Aug. 9 the deputy saw a Mitsubishi traveling south on Beal Parkway with no tag light. He activated his overhead lights at Lincoln Drive and Shady Lane.

The driver failed to stop and continued down Lincoln Drive to Auburn Road. He then turned left on Auburn, traveling south, and then turned right onto Riverside, then right onto Maine Avenue. He pulled into a driveway and parked the Mitsubishi.

The officer noted the man, identified as Matthew Allen Birr of Fort Walton Beach, traveled 4/10ths of a mile from the point where the deputy activated his lights to where he stopped.

Okay buddy – what gives?

Birr told the deputy he didn’t want to stop because he was afraid he’d get a DUI. The deputy noted his speed never exceeded 30 mph.

Like most problems that you ignore, this one didn’t go away.

He was charged with felony fleeing and eluding. His court date was Sept. 9.

No DUI! Doh! Here’s the source.

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So maybe it’s not 100% certain that he was drinking with the monkeys, but he let them out of their cages, he was drunk, and … as reported by The August Chronicle (Georgia):

According to a GHSU Police Bureau incident report, a co-worker discovered Coley Mitchell, 32, partially unclothed in the Laboratory Animal Services technician locker room at the Sanders Research and Education Building about 10:30 p.m. Monday.

Yikes!

Campus police said Mitchell, a Lab Animal Services technician, was highly intoxicated and sitting in a chair with his pants half-down.

Partially clothed, highly intoxicated – what about the monkeys?

The spokeswoman said two monkeys were found outside their cages in the lab but were confined to the room. There is no indication the monkeys had been harmed.

Whew.

Police said Mitchell became combative and uncooperative with officers while being escorted from the locker room.

He was booked into the Richmond County jail Monday on charges of public intoxication.

A spokeswoman said Mitchell was still employed by Georgia Health Sciences University on Friday.

That’ll probably change. Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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There are some records you just don’t want to set. It looks like this Iowan may hold this record for a while. As reported by the Iowa City, Iowa Patch:

Justin A. Clark, 24, of North Liberty, was arrested July 29 after North Liberty police received reports of a driver colliding with curbs and attempting to rev up his engine.

Clark was sitting in the driver’s seat and was unable to answer any of the officer’s questions, police said. He also was unable to get out of the vehicle, walk or perform field sobriety tests, police said.

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Being forgetful is not a crime … or, is it? It depends on the nature of the forgetfulness. In this case, it’s a definite “yes.” As reported by tcpalm.com (Florida):

The crying of a 3-year-old boy sitting alone in a store aisle at night finally attracted a clerk’s attention.

Yup.

The toddler was so upset, he could only ask “where was his mommy,” according to a police report. He couldn’t remember his mother’s last name and a call over the store’s public address system drew no response. A search outside the Deal’s Dollar Tree, in the 400 block of Georgia Avenue, also was unsuccessful.

Finally an hour later, at 9:44 p.m. Tuesday, a gold-colored minivan drove up with the mother and grandmother as police were at the store. The mother “seemed confused when approached about the whereabouts of her child,” according to the police report. “She said she thought he was in the vehicle at the time she left the store.

HOW CAN YOU FORGET YOUR CHILD? FOR AN HOUR?

“But [she] couldn’t find him when they got home,” the report states.

BECAUSE YOU LEFT HIM IN THE STORE!

Yet no one called 911, police said, and she allegedly couldn’t explain hourlong absence.

The child was turned over to the grandmother. The mother, Philleana Peak, 30, of 1200 block of Wyoming Drive, Fort Pierce, was arrested on charges of child neglect and possession of marijuana. She was in the St. Lucie County Jail in lieu of a $6,250 bail.

Now it’s starting to make sense. Here’s the source.