Articles Posted in Say What?

Squeezed on:

By

batman%20costume.jpg

The Juice wasn’t there, but that’s never stopped him from passing judgment before. This seems like a harmless prank. What do you think? As reported by The Sun News (at Cleveland.com):

A Northfield boy, 17, was arrested Dec. 17 and charged with disorderly conduct after he alarmed shoppers at Nordstrom in Beachwood Place.

The boy’s method of alarming involved putting on a Batman mask and red sunglasses on his face and a hood covering his head and then running full speed through the shopping area. Police were called and took the boy from the store.

The Juice doesn’t see the harm, though he does see the source, which is here.

Squeezed on:

By

Pizza%20neon%20sign.jpg

Hey, if you’ve got something against the joint’s pizza, there are alternatives to this. As reported by courierpostonline.com (Cherry Hill, New Jersey):

Friends and neighbors Saturday came to the aid of a pizza shop owner whose store on Marlton Pike in Pennsauken was heavily damaged when a Jeep Grand Cherokee smashed into the building. Not once, but twice.

Stephanie Boese, owner of Roman’s Pizza on the 3600 block of the pike, said video captured the Jeep slamming into the store around 3:30 a.m. Saturday. The vehicle then backed up and drove into the shop again. The driver fled the scene.

Twice? Not cool. Did they at least catch the perp?

Boese said Pennsauken police told her they had captured a suspect, but she had no other details. An officer who answered the department’s phone late Saturday evening said he had no updates on the incident.

Boom! You can read more (a fair amount) and see a photo of the damage here.

Squeezed on:

By

end%20of%20the%20world.jpg

The world did not end on December 21, 2012. Everyone, except perhaps Mr. Davis, is happy about this. As reported by timesonline.com (Beaver, PA):

A Rochester police report said Melanie Mountain, no age or address given, called 911 Dec. 21 and reported that she had been assaulted by her boyfriend, Michael John Davis, 33, of 3147 Brodhead Road.

The report said Mountain was driving her car and Davis was a passenger when he became upset with her for, “not being with him ‘on the end of the world.'” Davis hit Mountain on the side of the head and face while she was driving near the area of Reno Street and Virginia Avenue, the report said.

Um, it didn’t end. So how could she have been with you for something that didn’t happen?

Mountain drove to Davis’ mother’s house on Lacock Street where Davis hit her again, took her car keys and broke her mobile phone, the report said. Mountain was able to get her keys back and drive to a phone, the report said.

Time for a new boyfriend.

Davis was charged with simple assault, harassment and criminal mischief.

Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

By

cussing%20bubble.png

The chances that authorities would try to enforce this Massachusetts law? Squadoosh!

Section 36A. Whoever, having arrived at the age of sixteen years, directs any profane, obscene or impure language or slanderous statement at a participant or an official in a sporting event, shall be punished by a fine of not more than fifty dollars.

Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

By

howdy.jpg

Ma’am, that certainly is a nice television you have there… As reported by The Belleville News-Democrat (Belleville, Illinois)

12/30/12 – Theft — First block of Kingery Court The victim reported the suspect came to her residence, struck up a conversation with her, and while she sat on the couch, he unhooked and unplugged her TV and walked out of the residence with it.

Um. Mister, watcha doing with my tee-vee?

Squeezed on:

By

In what is clearly a cautionary tale for fisherman, especially those anywhere close to Kuwaiti waters, comes this report from The Arab Times:

An unidentified Iraqi fisherman who was arrested by the Kuwaiti authorities on suspicion after he was caught inside Kuwait’s territorial waters has been released after two years in police custody, reports Al-Shahed daily.
Director of the Sindabad Fishermen Society which is based in Fao, Badran Essa, said the fisherman was handed over to the Iraqi authorities at the Safwan border post.

Um, sorry about that? Just had to check out your story … Not cool at all, Kuwaiti authorities.

Squeezed on:

By

Santa%20Claus%20Klaus.jpg

What about the kids? If they find out the government is trying to tax Santa Claus, how can they believe? As reported by Reuters:

The [Ukraine] government faces $9 billion in foreign debt repayments next year and its budget deficit almost tripled in January-October this year to more than $4 billion.

No, not Santa! [He’s called Did Moroz locally.]

By studying internet advertisements, the state tax service found out that a Did Moroz with a traditional female Snihuronka (Snow Maid) helper would earn 250 to 3,500 hryvnias ($30 to $440) per hour in capital Kiev this season.

“Such citizens will need to file forms and pay taxes,” the tax service said in a statement.

Hmm. “Will need to” not “must.”

The service said it was barred from conducting tax checks on small businesses but urged ordinary Ukrainians to report tax-dodging Santas.

Now that’s a loophole Santa could drive his sleigh right on through. Here’s the source.

By
Posted in: Say What?
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

closed%20sign.png

No more beer? No more cigarettes? Why not head to the Walgreens down the road? Well, for starters, it’s closed. You say “don’t worry about it?” Okay. As reported by wtsp.com (complete with a video of the break-in):

The burglar first smashed the front glass door of the Walgreens located at 3890 Van Dyke Road in Lutz at 1:30 a.m. on Christmas Eve. At that time, the burglar took a case of Budweiser, two cases of Bud Light beer and two cartons of Marlboro Special Blend cigarettes.

That ought to be enough for … less than 2 hours?

Apparently not content with his loot, the burglar returned at about 3:18, this time smashing the window in the pharmacy area to gain entry.

Dude must like smashing glass.

As the suspect was trying to remove pain medication, the alarm was activated and the lights in the store turned on. The burglar then ran out of the store.

And then the police caught him? Not yet, though his days are probably numbered given the level of criminal expertise on display here. You’ll find the source (and a video of the crime) here.

Squeezed on:

By

cigarette%20cigarettes.jpg
If you’re hungry and thirsty, heading to a food market is definitely the right move. This gent did just that. But when he got there, ay ay ay. As reported by madison.com:

The Madison Police Department stated in a news release that officers were called to the store shortly before 11 p.m. Friday for a disturbance involving a man without a shirt.

A shirtless man in December, in Wisconsin?

Continue reading →
Squeezed on:

By

liquid%20ass.jpg

Yes folks, you read that correctly. As reported by detroit.cbslocal.com:

Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a “power–packed, super–concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt–crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo.”

Festerman claims he was innocently checking the item in the school, when it discharged — and the police were called.

Uh huh.

Festerman was charged with disorderly conduct, which carries a possibly penalty of $200 and/or 90 days in jail. Marine City Schools officials claim he attacked teachers and administrators with the foul smell.

They believe he was acting out over his son’s one-day suspension. In a TV interview, Festerman said his whole family enjoys carrying out “Liquid Ass ” pranks wherever they go, though he said they punished their son for bringing their property to his class and disturbing the room.

What about Festerman’s assertion that he just accidentally sprayed the, um, scent while testing to see if there was any left?

“Our security cameras seem to indicate otherwise,” Wolford said.

Bam! Here’s the source.