Articles Posted in Say What?

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nude naked
When you’re naked, you are extremely vulnerable.  Clearly you’re even more vulnerable when you are in the shower.  A Houston woman was in just such a position when she heard a sound. Uh-oh. Per khou.com:

“I was showering and I heard banging and it sounded like construction being done on the house,” she explained. “I seen a guy punching with a glove and another guy was kicking at the same time. Immediately I knew what they were gonna do and my first reaction was find safety.”

What she didn’t manage to find was a towel or clothing of any kind. She did locate her keys and cell phone and slithered naked to the garage.

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ipad
What kind of criminal would steal a tracking device? Perhaps one who doesn’t know anything about iPads? As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

Louisville Metro Police say they arrested a woman on Monday after she was caught with a stolen iPad.

You probably know how they caught her.

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beard

This case certainly highlights how different cultures can be. As reported at arabtimesonline.com, in Kuwait City …

The Undersecretary of the Interior Ministry Lieutenant-General Suleiman Al-Fahd has ordered the detention of a police officer in the rank of Major for growing his beard without permission, reports Al-Rai daily quoting knowledgeable security sources. The source said Al-Fahd has also warned a lieutenant-colonel for the same reason and has issued strict instructions that disciplinary action will be taken against those who violate the laws especially if they grow beards more than 1.5 centimeters long.

Maybe he thought they wouldn’t notice? He measured wrong?

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gun
This has to be one of the worst attempted burglaries of all time. It’s kind of like three guys running from their own shadows.  As reported by khou.com:

The suspects were among three men who walked into a Katz’s Boutique in the 9800 block of the North Freeway on April 13. It was around 3 a.m. and surveillance cameras were rolling.

Police say two of the men had weapons. The suspect with the revolver apparently bumped into the suspect with the rifle, causing the rifle to discharge. “Which then spooked both the suspects,” Officer Brieden said.

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happy birthday
On your birthday, you get a little leeway. A little.  As reported by wlsam.com:

Will County Sheriff’s deputies were called to Precise Stone in the 14000 block of West Illinois Highway on April 30 when the owner reported a former employee trying to steal property.

Uh-oh.

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teacher
The Juice’s middle school teachers were so boring. Such was not the case for a Houston middle schooler. As reported by The Houston Chronicle:

A 42-year-old Aldine middle school teacher who allegedly performed a lap dance for a student on his birthday has been charged with a felony.

Felicia A. Smith, of Spring, is charged with improper relationship with a student, according to a criminal compliant filed in the case.

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walmart
Maybe it’s not an addiction. A fetish? Whatever the reason, this gent is flat out not allowed to go to this Walmart, but he can’t help himself. As reported by The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A man went into a local discount store to buy lightbulbs. He paid for them and left the store. No problem, right?

Actually, it was a problem. And why was that?

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chinese food sign

Who would go to a restaurant if they suspected the food might be tampered with? Well, there’s at least one woman who appears to fall into this category. As reported at highlinetimes.com (Washington State) in the police blotter:

A Burien woman dining at the Tung Kee Mi Gia Chinese restaurant that opened in north Burien in late 2013 called the police after she suspected cooks of serving her urine with her meal on the evening of March 17th. The victim insisted that police come to the restaurant on the corner of 16th Avenue S.W. and 112th Street to investigate the suspicious sauce she had been served. Upon arriving on the scene, police quickly discovered that what the victim believed to be a small cup of urine, was actually a small cup of fish oil. Despite having no evidence to substantiate her urine claims, the woman insisted the fish oil be tested. Police report zero urine findings.

With no evidence, The Juice is left wondering why the police wasted their time.  Actually, it was probably a good investment – so she wouldn’t continue to hassle everyone about it forever. Hey lady, fuhgeddaboutit! And next time, ask them to hold the fish oil.

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walmart
It’s unclear if this guy is a member of the first group of folks. He’s definitely someone who sucks at Walmart. As reported by The Independent Tribune (Concord, North Carolina):

Michael Anthony Brown, of 207 Lincoln St. SW, Concord, was arrested and charged with assault on a female in March after police say he approached a woman in a Lincolnton Walmart, told her he was a podiatry student and sucked on her toes.

Very credible story. Can you believe she didn’t buy it? He has tried less subtle approaches.

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police chase
Of course it’s believable that a car being chased by one police car escaped, right? Absolutely. What about two? Three? Keep going. As reported by The Hamilton Spectator:

Two video game thieves in a stolen car evaded a helicopter and officers from five police services in an incredible 90-kilometre [55.9 mile] chase from north Toronto to downtown Hamilton.

That’s five police services and a helicopter! And check this out.

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