Let’s just say that, suddenly, I’m much happier with “John.” The name? “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.” Really. Per the Taranaki Daily News:
[Family Court Judge Rob Murfitt] was so worried about the effect on the girl [who was the subject of a custody hearing] he ordered her to be temporarily placed under the guardianship of the court so a suitable name could be chosen.
Here are some other names Judge Murfitt cited in his opinion:
At least that’s how Gaylon Linn Murphy drew it up. As reported by The LA Times:
Murphy, 52, apologized for his actions, which began when he tore a hole in his Gucci jeans during a visit to a Home Depot store. He then attempted to claim the retail price of the jeans, valued at between $500 and $1,500, from both the building supply store and a local restaurant where he had dined. The double-dipping attempt was uncovered by an Irvine detective.
Never double dip. The sentence? Mr. Murphy received three years of unsupervised probation and 30 days of community service. What did he have to say for himself?
“It was wrong. It wasn’t intentional, but it happened, and I paid for it.” Not intentional?!
What what what? Here’s the Times article.
So Peter Lees had recently broken up with his girlfriend, Gaile Stevens. She didn’t take it well. Per the Ledbury Reporter, Mr. Lees was hosting a Pagan wedding party at his house when Ms. Stevens made an appearance. Per Mr. Lees:
She was dressed as a comedy cleaning woman with rubber gloves and a broom and there was the most bizarre stuff coming out of her mouth. She was pushing people around.
She was going around in a threatening manner. I’ve never known her act like this before.
Worried about Ms. Stevens, Mr. Lees went to see her.
“The person I saw was absolutely scary like she was possessed by the Devil. There was a tattoo on her face and she was up on the bed howling and hissing.”
“It was not her. It was not my friend. It was some possessed person.”
Cue the spooky music. Later that night (around midnight, of course), there was a knock on Mr. Lees’ door. Yes, it was Ms. Stevens. Was everything okay now?
She then beckoned [him] for an embrace …
And …
“I bent towards her. She spun and hooked her teeth into my ear. Two teeth went into my lobe and shredded it.”
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! What happened to the ear lobe? Said Mr. Lees:
The missing part of his ear was never found and [Ms. Stevens] ran off into the woods.
Ms. Stevens is currently on trial for wounding Mr. Lees
If you’re Mr. James Dowdy, a long time. Per the Belleville News-Democrat:
In 1993, Dowdy received a three-year-prison sentence for attempted burglary after police caught him with a bag of stolen socks.
Damn. Three years for that? But wait …
[In 1997] … Dowdy was sentenced to six-years in prison for breaking into another woman’s home and stealing socks…
Okay. This is surely the strangest life of crime I have ever seen. But wait …
In 2004, Dowdy, received a seven-year prison sentence after he pleaded guilty to walking into a female neighbor’s home and taking her socks.
And just recently …
Dowdy … was charged with residential burglary, a class X felony. He’s accused of stealing a pair of socks early Monday morning from a victim’s basement.
His bail? $100,000! All the socks out there can relax. Mr. Dowdy is in jail, as he was unable to post bail. If there’s not more to this story, then, damn! Here’s the source.
Actually in the United Kingdom, what Americans call potato chips, they call “crisps.” The burning question before a UK High Court judge was: Are Pringles “crisps” or not? Why is this important? Because if they are crisps, they get taxed at 17.5%! If not, they are exempt from the tax, as is most other food. So what was the decision?
Judge Justice Warren said Pringles’ “unnatural shape”, distinctive tube packaging, and non-potato ingredients meant that the snack could not be classified as a crisp.
The ruling yesterday pointed out that Pringles – who are most famous for their irritatingly catch adverts “once you pop, you can’t stop” – contain corn flour, wheat starch, maltodextrin, emulsifier, rice flour and dextrose, and just 42 per cent potato content.
I am shocked, shocked I say … that anyone would argue Pringles are potato chips. You can read more in The Telegraph article here.
If you ask a Los Alamos, New Mexico man named Variable, a lot. Variable wanted to change his name to Fuck Censorship. But Bernalillo County Judge Nan Nash refused his requested. So Variable appealed. The Court of Appeals … denied it. Why? Per WTOPnews.com:
The man has the right to call himself whatever he wants, unless there’s fraud or misrepresentation involved, the judges said.
But once he seeks court approval for a name change, the court has the authority to turn him down on several grounds, including if the name is offensive to common decency and good taste, the judges ruled.
You’re not going to believe what Variable’s old name was: Snaphappy Fishsuit Mokligon. Check it out. Here’s the source.
North Pole, Alaska (really) resident Wyatt Lewis got an unusual DUI. As reported by the Anchorage Daily News, here’s how fellow North Pole resident Anne Sterle described it:
“I was woken at about 1 in the morning by hearing a lawn mower outside my window,” Sterle said. “And it scared the heck out of me, because my husband was out of town.
“The first thing that went through my mind was someone was stealing our mower. And then I thought, wait a minute, we don’t have a riding mower.”
Newman! This was bad news for Mr. Lewis, as Ms. Sterle then called 911. What happened when the police arrived?
There was a chase, reaching speeds up to 5 mph.
The trooper followed Lewis for about 200 yards, according to a report in the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner. The trooper turned on his lights and siren. Lewis kept on mowing.
The trooper “was too embarrassed to call it a pursuit over the airwaves,” spokeswoman Megan Peters said.
Mr. Lewis, coming in at over twice the legal limit, was charge with driving under the influence and failing to stop at the direction of a peace officer. Here’s the source.
Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. A man named God Lucky Howard was busted in Tampa, Florida for selling cocaine. And the charges include selling drugs near a church… Click here for the source.
Just like the McDonald’s coffee case , I’m sure that, though the facts are bizarre, Mr. Mustapha’s injuries are real and quite serious. Here’s what happened, per canada.com:
Mustapha came to Canada from Lebanon in 1976 when he was 16 years old. A decade later, a Culligan Canada representative convinced him to keep a cooler of water in his home, which he was told was particularly beneficial for pregnant women and children. The family bought into the idea in a big way – keeping only Culligan water in their home for the next 15 years.
That all changed in 2001 after the fly incident. Mustapha said he could not get it out of his mind. He said he felt nauseous and suffered abdominal pain. He started avoided all things having to do with water – even drinking it and taking showers. He sought psychological treatment and medication.
As a result of this diet, you’ve gone from 413 pounds to 308 pounds in 8 months. Awesome, right? Not according to much-lighter Broderick Lloyd Laswell. Not only is he not pleased, he filed suit against the responsible parties – his jailers in Benton County, Arkansas (the Sheriff and the Jail Captain). Here are some of his complaints, as reported in The Northwest Arkansas Morning News:
“There are noticeable differences on the size of biscuits and cakes, as well as the sides,” according to Laswell, who also wants hot meals to be served from the jail’s kitchen.
“On several occasions I have started to do some exercising and my vision went blurry and I felt like I was going to pass out,” Laswell wrote in his complaint. “About an hour after each meal my stomach starts to hurt and growl. I feel hungry again.”
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