Articles Posted in Just Weird

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Most of the stuff speaks for itself – but not all of it. Per the Herald-Tribune (Sarasota, Florida):

A homeless man went to court and was arrested on Friday, but the notable part of the story is what he hid from the judge as he stood before him.

The judge sent Neil Lansing to jail, where corrections deputies conducting a routine search in a cell block found part of a condom sticking out of his rectum, the sheriff’s office said.

Conducting those “routine” searches must be a highly sought after assignment.

According to sheriff’s officials: inside the condom they found 17 round blue pills, one cigarette, six matches, one flint, one empty syringe with an eraser over the needle, one lip balm container, one additional unused condom, a receipt from CVS pharmacy and a paper coupon.

A CVS receipt and a coupon? Say what? Adding insult to injury …

Lansing, 33, now faces charges he possessed a drug and a tobacco product inside the Sarasota County Jail. He is being held there without bond.

Click here for the source.

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There’s not enough money in the world … Per The Courier & Mail:

French police say they have arrested a 63-year-old woman who was leading her 40-year-old companion along a busy shopping street by a leash attached to his exposed penis.

The couple were detained on Wednesday afternoon in the southwestern city of Carcassonne and were due to appear in court in April on charges of public indecency.

The couple admitted to being sex addicts and said they were in the middle of a game when arrested, police said on Thursday.

Only in France (until The Juice hears otherwise). And if you do hear otherwise, let The Juice know so he can create a new category (e.g. “Say What?“, “Just Weird“, “Odd Cases“) …

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If you have a son, or know someone who has a son, or have even a tenuous connection to popular culture, then you know how many young males play Xbox LIVE. (It allows gamers to play with other gamers, online, and to talk with each other.) So, why did The Juice warn you not to let your son read this? As reported by wbaltv.com:

Police said a California woman was arrested Friday after she allegedly befriended a 13-year-old Maryland boy on the Internet and traveled to his home to have sex.

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If this dude decides to remain in the relationship, he would be well-advised to have a pack of cigarettes on hand at all times, and be willing to share them. As reported by The Morning Call (Allentown):

Bethlehem police said a woman went on a rampage Monday night when her boyfriend denied her a cigarette and attacked him with a steak knife.

Linda Sellers, 55, is charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, simple assault, reckless endangerment, terroristic threats, harassment and possessing an instrument of crime. Sellers, of 714 Hayes St., is in Northampton County Prison under $750,000 bail.

Yikes. Here’s the official police version:

Officers were called to the home for a report of a woman yelling. Sellers answered the door and said, “Oh, good. It’s the (expletive) police!”

Police said Sellers pointed to Camilleri, who was sitting on the couch holding a steak knife he had wrestled away from her, and told the officer she was going to kill him.

Camilleri told police he was sleeping on the couch when Sellers awoke him and asked for a cigarette. When he told her to buy her own, police said Sellers threw items around the apartment and overturned a glass coffee table.

Sellers went into the kitchen, grabbed a steak knife and attacked Camilleri, police said. He suffered three cuts on the top of his head and was treated and released from St. Luke’s Hospital-Fountain Hill, police said.

Here’s the source.

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Sure, there are more delicate ways to say this. But regular readers know The Juice prefers the blunt approach. So … The governing administration in Malawi is proposing legislation that would outlaw farting in public! Truth! As reported by afrik-news.com:

The Bingu wa Mutharika led administration is to introduce a raft of legislation that seeks to criminalize an everyday natural occurrence of “passing gas” with the intention to “mold responsible and discipl[ined] citizens.”

Certainly a fair amount of discipline would be involved …

The Local Courts Bill of 2010, according to Malawi media reports, is to be presented in the forthcoming Parliament sitting by Minister of Justice, George Chaponda. The bill, reports say, also deals with citizens who hinder the burial of dead bodies as well as people who pretend to be fortune tellers.

Is there any opposition?

Mr. John Tembo’s [he’s the leader of the opposition party] criticism of the bill is believed to have stricken a chord with local critics who argue that the capacity of the local justice system to handle the expected influx of cases is questionable.

And this, from an anonymous citizen:

Commenting on the bill, a Malawian is quoted as saying: “How can this government criminalise the release of intestinal gases …. Everyone does that, even if it’s in public or it has an accompanying sound which is boring, making it criminal is a joke of democracy.”

Any supporters out there? At least one.

Another [Malawian] said he “support(s) the bill and is welcome. Sometimes breaking wind in public or during meetings is a disturbance of the peace”.

Since the anti-flatulence provision is only part of the proposed bill, perhaps it’s removal would take the wind (oh!) out of the opposition’s sails. Here’s the source.

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After this experience, it’s hard to imagine any of these young men snorting anything again, EVER. Although they thought they were snorting drugs, turns out they were snorting dogs and a man. Yes, you read that correctly. As reported in The New York Post:

Waldo Soroa, 19; Matrix Andaluz, 18; Jose Marrero, 19; and two juveniles broke into a house in Florida, spotted white powder in two urns, decided it was coke or heroin, and promptly began snorting it, officials said.

Nope.

… the “drugs” turned out to be the cremated remains of homeowner Holli Tencza’s dad and her two Great Danes.

The [young men] said they eventually realized their mistake, and had a brief attack of conscience.

“Brief” being the key word …

They talked about returning the ashes that were left, but then they decided their fingerprints would be pulled off the urns, so they dumped the evidence in a nearby lake.

Here’s the source. [HT to a regular reader (who wishes to remain anonymous – can you blame him?) for bringing this story to The Juice’s attention.]

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You might think that someone is not going to hit you in the face and get away with it. But you probably hadn’t envisioned anything like this. As reported by fox17online.com (Michigan):

Two men say assaulted a woman assaulted them with a fish last weekend.

Holy mackerel! [Yeah, yeah. You try doing this every day for 3+ years!]

It happened Saturday on Little Black Lake near the corner of Wood Road and Judson Road in Norton Shores. Police say they received a call from two men from Egelston Township in their early 20s.

The men said that a woman had asked them to turn around while she urinated on the ice. When they did, the woman, a 29-year-old from Fruitport, threw a fish, hitting one of them. She then allegedly came up and slapped the other man in the face with a fish.

Someone is clearly having a bad day. So what happened with the cops? Zippy.

The two men decided not to file charges, and the case has been closed.

And you called the cops because …? Here’s the source, with a video news report of the story.

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The Juice recalls hearing of a biblical passage about the actions of the father being visited on his son. Here’s a case of a son’s action resulting in a very unpleasant visit for his parents. As reported by The Spectator [Hamilton, Ontario]:

Hamilton police are searching for a group of men who chased another man into his home and beat up his parents.

The incident began around 2:45 a.m. Monday when a 21-year-old man, who was leaving a bar in Hess Village, refused to give an acquaintance a ride, said police spokesperson Catherine Martin.

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Just when you thought you’d heard them all… Check out this excuse for speeding, as reported in The Local:

A woman from southern Sweden has lost her bid to have a speeding fine overturned on the grounds that she was suffering from diarrhea at the time of the offence.

The 49-year-old woman from Trelleborg explained to the local district court that she was experiencing stomach problems when she was pulled over for driving 86 kilometres per hour in a 70 km/h zone.

Only 86 in a 70 zone? How bad could it have been? Said the court:

A situation can only be classed as an emergency if somebody’s life is in danger or if a driver hits the gas in an attempt to prevent a serious crime.

As the woman’s desire to get home to her toilet did not fit into either category, the court ordered her to pay the speeding fine.

Newman! (It’s a Seinfeld thing.)

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Seriously, are you ever going to escape from the police armed with a dildo? From The Chicago Tribune:

Carolee Bildsten, 56, of Gurnee, will plead not guilty next month to accusations that she charged an officer with the “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device” described in a police report, defense attorney Neil Calanca said.

Mr. Calanca was not pleased with the inclusion of a description of the “weapon.”

A former police officer, Calanca said the officer involved in the incident “should be ashamed of himself,” and that he would have been embarrassed to include such information in a police report. Gurnee police Cmdr. Jay Patrick countered that such reports “are required to be a factual account of an incident.”

So what led to the brandishing of the “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device?”

The alleged assault occurred when the officer went with Bildsten to her apartment in the 5300 block of David Court on Nov. 9 after employees at Joe’s Crab Shack in Gurnee accused her of dining without paying for the second time, according to Patrick.

Bildsten reached into a dresser drawer for what the officer thought was money to pay her bill, but instead pulled out the “pleasure device,” police allege. The officer deflected the sex toy with his hand, and he was not injured, Patrick said.

The charges?

Along with the aggravated assault charge, Bildsten is scheduled to appear in court on Jan. 27 on the Crab Shack-related theft of services charge and an unrelated charge for aggravated driving under the influence of alcohol.

Click here for the source.