A pack of cigarettes! She stole a pack of cigarettes! 22 years ago! People! Where is your sense of proportionality? As reported by wesh.com:
A mother of two sits in jail Monday unable to post bail after being put behind bars for the 1991 theft of a pack of cigarettes.
Jail? You couldn’t release her on her own recognizance for this?
This robber’s weapon of choice – pruning clippers. It shouldn’t come as a big surprise that the endeavor didn’t go so well. As reported by The Bellingham Herald (Washington):
Police released photos of the robbery Thursday, Aug. 30. They show the masked man walking into Starvin’ Sam’s, 1101 Iowa St.
He brandished a pair of pruning clippers with 3-inch blades, said David Kassner, the clerk working the graveyard shift at 2:50 a.m. Aug. 20. The suspect, who wore a black ski mask with eyeholes, strode toward the cash register and demanded money.
… with someone in it! Over a $28 debt! And the tipper was running for city council! True! And there’s more. Here’s the story from the Salem News:
Ken Sawicki, a candidate for Salem City Council, spent two weeks of the campaign behind bars this fall for allegedly locking a man inside a portable toilet and knocking it over in an attempt to collect a $28 debt.
Police said Sawicki confronted the man over the missing money at Riley Plaza one morning in October. The man said he needed a moment to use the bathroom and stepped inside the portable toilet. Sawicki then allegedly locked the man inside with a padlock and began rocking it back and forth.
We all have days that we just want to end, even The Juice. But we all, er, most of us, that is, power through those days. Not this gent. The damage? You won’t believe it. As reported by The Union Leader:
A former civilian painter who pleaded guilty Thursday to setting two fires aboard the USS Miami could serve about 20 years in prison and have to pay some of the $500 million in damages and injuries. [The victims in the case include the Navy as well as seven firefighters and sailors who were injured during the first fire, which took 12 hours to extinguish.]
Casey James Fury, 24, who worked at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard for two years, faces two counts of arson after he confessed to setting a four-alarm fire aboard the $900 million Los Angeles Class submarine May 23 and a smaller fire in the dry dock at the Kittery facility June 12.
Yeah, getting banned from the internet for a period of time is probably a fair punishment for what this man did. As reported by the New York Daily News:
Jason Willis, 31, thought he was just having some innocent fun advertising his neighbor’s sexual services on personal ad sites.
But he caught a whole lot of heat after men started turning up at her Waterford house at all hours of the day – including one who was wearing nothing but a trench coat.
This may be the worst trade ever made in a jail, anywhere. As reported by the Des Moines Register:
A western Iowa man already convicted on federal fraud charges has been sentenced to more than two years in prison for selling his pain pills for candy.
Say what? And they weren’t just any old pain pills.
This guy must have played Grand Theft Auto, because what he did could have come straight out of the game. As reported by kaj18.c0m (Montana):
The day-long crime spree happened on May 23, 2013.
And what a day it was.
There can’t be many boys out there who never played “doorbell ditch.” A few Missouri boys have definitely played this game out. In fact, they may never ring ANY doorbell again. As reported by The News-Leader (news-leader.com):
Police say the boys angered the female resident to the point that she tried to run one down with her van, punched another three times while holding a knife to his chest and threatened to kill the boys and others, all while shouting racial slurs.
Ashley D. Crossland followed one boy to the house where the boys were having a sleepover, police say, and illegally entered the home. Confronted by a father of one of the boys, Crossland allegedly “threatened to slit his throat and everyone’s throats in the house, including the babies.”
Hell, The Juice himself is not the most patient driver. Suffice it to say that, if his car were miked, there would have to be a serious delay, with someone’s finger always on the button. But this dude in Houston? He either has an incredibly short fuse, was in a really bad mood, or both. As reported by www.khou.com:
Police said [David Charles] Patronella [age 56] was driving behind another man southbound on Highway 6 on September 28. When the two drivers reached a light on Westheimer at Briargreen, Patronella allegedly lowered his window and pointed a gun at the other driver. No words were ever exchanged.
Who needs words when you have a gun?
You just can’t go around arresting people for cussing, or you may be ponying up, as this Georgia city discovered. As reported by The Atlanta Journal-Constitution:
Community activist Mary Kirkendoll grew so frustrated with Smyrna’s town hall question-and-answer session, she stood up and began to leave. Before she got to the door, she turned toward the audience and uttered a profanity. “This is [expletive],” she said during the April 21, 2009, meeting. “They are never going to tell the truth.”
Really, AJC? You can’t say “bullshit” when it’s a direct quote that’s at the heart of the story? Anyway …
Legal Juice