Yes, you’re right. It wasn’t just any old salt. It was Epsom salt! As reported by The Fraser Coast Chronicle:
A Maryborough man charged with “ice” possession spent four months in prison waiting for forensic analysis of the substance – but was later released when testing determined it was not methylamphetamine.
Four months while the guy languished in prison?
Yes, incredibly, this is a real story. As reported by myfoxdetroit.com:
Three Bloomfield Hills kids who refused an order by a judge to go to lunch with their father have been ordered to a juvenile detention facility.
“I felt like I was watching them be executed,” said Maya Tsimhoni.
Okay, The Juice ran out of material, so he just flat-out made this up. Ha! No, loyal readers, sadly this is a true story. From The Toronto Star, we have this story of a tremendous waste of government resources.
On a Monday evening in October 2011, 62-year-old Kathryn David returned to her home near Mt. Pleasant Rd. and Eglinton Ave. She pulled into the shared driveway between her home and that of her neighbour, Kevin Cooper. According to the judge’s decision, she got out of her car to move Cooper’s hose that went along the side of Cooper’s house and under a tall wooden gate to the backyard. Eventually, she tugged on the hose, causing it to catch on a patio chair in Cooper’s backyard and tear.
No big thing, you might think? What if The Juice told you this, this awful act was caught on videotape? Right, still no big thing, or … was it?
The incident was caught on video surveillance cameras set up by Cooper and he called the police to report property damage. David was then handcuffed and taken to a police station in the back of police car, says her lawyer, Erec Rolfe.
What? Why?
That is standard procedure, says Toronto Police spokesperson Victor Kwong, adding that “if the public wants us to be police and not be judge and jury, we go ahead with the charge regardless of dollar amount. And then it’s up to the courts to decide whether to mediate this or go to trial with it.”
The Juice isn’t blaming the cops, just the geniuses who set up this ridiculous, overly-inclusive procedure.
“The criminal charges were laid against our neighbour following a detailed police investigation and an independent decision by the Crown prosecutor to pursue those charges,” said Cooper and his wife Sylvia by email late Tuesday night.
So what happened?
“Fortunately for the Toronto Police Service, the Supreme Court of Canada has said that stupidity in relation to the law and negligence is not a case for malicious prosecution.” said Provincial Court Justice William Wolski before dismissing the charge, according to a transcript. “Why these charges were laid is still a mystery to me.”
Next case! Here’s the source, including a photo of the scene of the crime.
A pack of cigarettes! She stole a pack of cigarettes! 22 years ago! People! Where is your sense of proportionality? As reported by wesh.com:
A mother of two sits in jail Monday unable to post bail after being put behind bars for the 1991 theft of a pack of cigarettes.
Jail? You couldn’t release her on her own recognizance for this?
“Back in 1991, I shoplifted cigarettes from Walmart,” Hall said.
So how’d they catch her now?
That 22-year-old crime followed her to Port Canaveral Thursday, where she was wrapping up a dream vacation with her husband and two kids.
The family had cruised aboard the Disney Dream, and authorities were waiting for her when they got back. “I was pulled to the side and told I had a warrant,” Hall said.
Authorities said Hall had failed to pay the $85 in court costs when she was 18; and when authorities checked the ship’s passenger list for terrorists, they found a warrant for Hall.
And to this even more ridiculous, check out the exemplary life Ms. Hall has led since her days as a career criminal …
Since the theft, she had put herself through college, receiving a degree in architecture, and now she helps design jet engines for Pratt & Whitney in Connecticut.
Clearly she’s a flight risk, right? What is wrong with these people? Here’s the official explanation:
The Brevard County Jail will not let her post bail because it’s an Orange County charge and she has to be transferred. However, because of the weekend and holiday, that might not be until Thursday.
That’s a bunch of bureaucratic bullshit. The Juice is not pleased with this “case.” Here’s the source, including a video news story.
Please, save your apologies, especially the ones that were part of the judge’s sentence! As reported by The Sun Chronicle (Attleboro & North Attleboro, Massachusetts):
A Plainville resident, a former municipal water superintendent, must write an apology to the town where he was once employed and pay to have apologies printed in a major regional newspaper and a trade magazine as part of the sentence for falsifying municipal water safety records.
John Tetreault, a Plainville resident and the former water superintendent for the town of Avon was sentenced by a federal judge Thursday to apologize to the town’s residents by having to write an apology for falsifying water safety records, and placing that apology in the Boston Globe and in a local and regional trade publications, the Boston Globe reported Saturday.
Is this a joke? The Juice is all for creative sentencing, but how does this help anyone? What a total waste of money. Well, at least he’ll be doing some jail time. Wait, no jail time?
He must also pay a $15,000 fine and was placed on probation for a year.
No, not probation! Oh the humanity! As for what specifically Mr. Tetreault did:
According to the published report, Tetreault, 55, pleaded guilty to two counts of knowingly submitting federally required reports with false information about disinfectant levels at the town’s two water treatment facilities, saying they met safety standards when they didn’t.
Hmm. Sounds like a pretty serious infraction. In fairness to the judge, perhaps it was a factor that …
Officials said public health was not threatened because Avon’s water was clean and safe without the disinfectant. It was reported that the records were tampered with on four occasions in 2010, according to investigators who worked on the case.
Why cut the guy a break because he apparently lucked out on the water not being dangerous in spite of his fraud. Surely the disinfectants serve some purpose? Not cool judge. Not cool at all. Dude should have seen the inside of a cell, at least for a few months. Here’s the source.
If you are convicted of driving under the influence SIX times, you should be doing a hell of a lot more time than this bloke. As reported by phillyburbs.com:
A Warrington man will have to spend 11½ to 23 months in the Montgomery County prison for his sixth drunken driving offense.
Robert Cuthbert, 47, of the 1200 block of Folly Road, also will have to serve an additional three-year probation sentence after he completes his parole time.
People do need to have private lives, though at least one school superintendent feels otherwise. He suspended Kimberly Hester, a teacher’s aide, because she wouldn’t show him her Facebook page. Here’s the story, as reported by wsbt.com:
“It was very mild, no pornography,” she said of the picture she posted in April 2011. The picture shows that co-worker’s pants around her ankles, and a pair of shoes. “It wasn’t at work, it was off work time,” Hester added.
Wait, naked ankles? And pants around those naked ankles? No wonder she was suspended! Think of the children!
This is an example of a ridiculously over-the-top reaction to a totally harmless “event.” As reported by wdam.com:
Bond has been set for a JCJC student who was arrested for a hand written note claiming there was a bomb on campus.
Sounds serious, right? Nope, as you’ll see below.
Judge Billie Graham set a $20,000 bond for Harold Wayne Hadley Jr., 19. Hadley was arrested at his home in Seminary on Tuesday after the note was found in a bathroom at the industrial services building on the JCJC campus. In all, 11 agencies responded to the threat, but no bomb was found. Officials said Hadley was arrested after they matched his handwriting to the note, which was written on toilet paper. His family says the word “bomb” is often used by Hadley in reference to a bodily function and not an explosive device.
In case you haven’t figured it out, “bomb” = “fart”.
“He was in the restroom doodling on some toilet paper and I am going to just let modesty go and tell you we are from the country, and so he calls passing gas, bombs,” said Hadley’s Aunt. “So, he was doodling on the toilet paper and put I passed a bomb in the library, talking about passing gas and somebody come in and found it, give it to the teacher that recognized his hand writing and it blow all out of proportion.”
He was doodling on toilet paper, people, about farting!
While investigators will not reveal exactly what was written down by Hadley, they tell News Seven that the written bomb threat was more explicit than “I passed a bomb in the library”
Sure. Probably can’t say because of “national security.” It couldn’t be that they were just embarrassed.
Hadley’s family says he was an all “A” student who was scheduled to graduate in May. Meanwhile, he remains in the Jones County jail.
Well, we can all rest safely now… Here’s the source.
If you don’t like the maid, why not just fire her? And if you guessed that this didn’t happen in the US, you’re right. It was in Kuwait. Per the Arab Times:
Police have arrested an Asian housemaid for allegedly ‘ruining’ the family of her sponsor through black magic, reports Al-Shahed daily.
The arrest came when a Kuwaiti in his 40s filed a complaint with the police that seven days after hiring the housemaid there was a high degree of confusion in his home and he suspected the maid of doing black magic.
The man added he children complained of suffering from illusions and they looked terrified. He added he kept a watch on the maid and heard her uttering strange words while practicing magic in the kitchen. On the day of the incident he interrupted her and seized magic charms from her possession.
During interrogation the maid is said to have admitted to the act.
She added the family was treating her bad and wanted to take revenge.
Now that’s the first thing that has made any sense.
The maid has been referred to the General Immigration Department to prepare her deportation from the country.
Well, as long as she got a fair hearing …
Legal Juice