Articles Posted in Here Comes the Judge

On January 30, 1974, a young woman, who shall remain nameless, was arrested for prostitution. Having solicited a police officer (doh!), she sought a sentence of probation. Magistrate Judge Richard J. Rome complied. Unfortunately, he also issued the following Memorandum Decision:

This is the saga of ___ ___ ___,
Whose ancient profession brings her before us.
On January 30th, 1974,
This lass agreed to work as a whore.

Her great mistake, as was to unfold,
Was the enticing of a cop named Harold.
Unknown to ___, this officer, surnamed Harris,
Was duty-bent on ___’s lot to embarrass.

At the Brass Rail they met,
And for twenty dollars the trick was all set.
In separate cars they did pursue,
To the sensuous apartment of ___ ___.

Bound for her bed she spared not a minute,
Followed by Harris with his heart not in it!
As she prepared to repose there in her bay,
She was arrested by Harris, to her great dismay!

Off to the jailhouse poor ___ was taken,
Printed and mugged, her confidence shaken.
Formally charged by this great State,
With offering to Harris to fornicate.
Her arraignment was formal, then back to jail,
And quick as a flash she was admitted to bail.
On February 26, 1974,
The State of Kansas tried this young whore.
A prosecutor named Brown,
Represented the Crown.

___ ___, her freedom in danger,
Was being defended by a chap named Granger.
Testimony was presented and arguments heard,
Poor ___ waited for the Judge’s last word.

The finding was guilty, with no great alarm,
And ___ was sentenced to the Women’s State Farm.
An appeal was taken, to a higher court ___ went,
The thousand dollar fine was added to imprisonment.

Trial was set in this higher court,
But the route of appeal ___ chose to abort.
And back to Judge Rome, came this lady of the night,
To plead for her freedom and end this great fight.

So under advisement ___’s freedom was taken,
And in the bastille this lady did waken.
The judge showed mercy and ___ was free,
But back to the street she could not flee.

The fine she’d pay while out on parole,
But not from men she used to cajole.
From her ancient profession she’d been busted,
And to society’s rules she must be adjusted.

If from all of this a moral doth unfurl,
It is that Pimps do not protect the working girl!

The matter was brought to the attention of the Commission on Judicial Qualifications to determine if Judge Rome violated the Code of Judicial Conduct. What do you think they decided?

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Attorneys are ethically bound to zealously represent their clients. Clients hire lawyers to do just that. And judges apply the laws as written, except those darned activist judges (which is all of them, depending, of course, on who you ask.)
Down in Florida, William Grisham found himself charged with assault. The State asked that he be committed to a mental hospital. During that time, the 180 days within which a trial is required to take place expired. His attorney told the judge that, according to a recent Florida law, his client must be released because his right to a speedy trial was violated. The attorney pointed out that the law specifically states that people committed to mental hospitals don’t lose their right to a speedy trial. So what do you think the judge had to say to that?

That may be the law but …

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And some folks say civility no longer exists in the legal profession. In the case of Avista Management, Inc. v. Wausau Underwriters Insurance Co., Judge Presnell (United States District Court – Florida – Orlando Division) would no doubt agree. The attorneys in the case, whose offices are in the same building, could not agree on where to hold a deposition. Judges HATE to be pulled into such minor disputes. So, when Avista’s attorney filed a “Motion to Designate Location of a Rule 30(b)(6) Deposition,” Judge Presnell denied it, and issued a novel ruling, paving the way for the first RPS Showdown.

“Instead, the Court will fashion a new form of alternative dispute resolution, to wit …” Enough legal jargon. The Judge ordered that the attorneys, each with a paralegal as a witness, play “one (1) game of ‘rock, paper, scissors'” [the RPS Showdown] on the front steps of the Courthouse on June 30, 2006. Of course, the Judge chose the Courthouse steps only “if counsel cannot agree on a neutral site.” Well, their offices are in the same building … (Click here to read the two page Order.)

So, with the big game just days away, due to either pre-game jitters, or the thought of scores of TV cameras focused on the event, the attorneys agreed on a location for the deposition. (I’m guessing that the game did take place – behind closed doors.) Noting that “with civility restored (at least for now),” Judge Presnell vacated his widely hailed “rock, papaer, scissors” Order. The RPS Showdown was not to be. (Click here to see the Order.)

You be the judge. Over a period of years, Florida Judge Sheldon Schapiro engaged in the following conduct [which he admitted to in a Stipulation submitted to the Court] which is set forth in the Florida Supreme Court’s opinion.

A motorcyclist killed a child and fled the scene. At the bond hearing for the motorcyclist [to determine if he could post bond and leave jail pending trial], the child’s mother was present. The assistant state’s attorney told the Judge that the mother of the victim wanted to address the court. The Judge responded by saying “What do I need to hear from the mother of a [dead] kid for? All she will tell me is to keep the guy in custody and never let him out.” (The Judge says he used the word “deceased,” not “dead.” Sure.)

An assistant state’s attorney, who was 8 months pregnant, was hospitalized due to pregnancy complication on the third day of a trial before Judge Schapiro. Due to the hospitalization, she requested a continuance. HE DENIED IT! Against doctor’s orders, the attorney returned to court to finish trying the case.

That same attorney was arguing a motion to revoke bond [to force someone charged with a crime to post bond or go to jail pending his/her trial] before Judge Schapiro. He “summoned [her] to the backroom behind [his] bench and told her that she needed to emulate the style of male attorneys when addressing the court because male attorneys did not get as emotional about their cases as the female attorneys did.”

As a criminal defense attorney was making an argument in a sexual battery case, you cut him off and said, ‘Do you know what I think of your argument’ …, at which time you pushed a button on a device that simulated the sound of a commode flushing.

When the Judge thought an attorney was talking, he said “Why do I always have to treat you like a school child?” The attorney responded that the Judge routinely treated everyone in his courtroom like a school child. He was ordered out of the courtroom.

Not finally- but you get the idea – the Florida Supreme Court found that

In violation of Canon 1, Canon 2A, and Canon 3B(4), you have fallen into a general pattern of rude and intemperate behavior by needlessly interjecting yourself into counsel’s examinations of witnesses; embarrassing and belittling counsel in court; and questioning the competence of counsel by making remarks such as, ‘What, are you stupid?”

So what was the Judge’s punishment? Lose his job as a judge?

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OUCH! is a very mild reaction to the words “Lorena Bobbit.” (If you’re too young to know who she is, click here.) Things were not going well for our featured couple. As the court described it:

Terry Bach and Carol Crawford were in a relationship for over ten years and lived together for a period of time. In December of 1999, Mr. Bach claims that Ms. Crawford mentioned Lorena Bobbitt to him, which he interpreted as threatening, and shortly thereafter, he decided to break up.

This would appear to have been a wise move. …

Ms. Crawford also placed cut up pictures of Mr. Bach in a box of belongings he was supposed to pick up…Additionally, Ms. Crawford called Mr. Bach’s mother and stopped by her residence, often asking about the new women in Mr. Bach’s life…. Also, in the spring of 2000, Ms. Crawford was arrested for criminal trespassing on mr. Bach’s property and convicted. As a result of the conviction, Ms. Crawford’s brother hired a private investigator, Ms. Thacker… Ms. Thacker and Ms. Crawford appeared at a restaurant where Mr. Bach was eating and photographed him with another woman and the woman’s vehicle… Mr. Bach also alleges that Ms. Crawford drove behind him … and videotaped him… Also, in December of 2000, Mr. Bach found a man in the parking lot of a Sears store who was videotaping him. Mr. Bach approached him and took the videotape from the man, but he was unable to get the man’s name or license plate number. Mr. Bach has no evidence connecting this incident to Ms. Crawford [Yeah, probably just a coincidence!!!!!]

Setting aside the Lorena Bobbit threat (and the cut-up pictures – I see a theme evolving), of the few women I broke up with before they beat me to it (I can count them on one finger), I think I would be flattered if someone was so obsessed with me. Well, Mr. Bach was not flattered. He sought a domestic violence protective order. Do you think he got it?

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Ms. Lowe [cue the villain music] was driving Mr. Moffet’s car (insured by State Farm) when [warning: tree violence] it struck and damaged Mr. Fisher’s “beautiful oak tree.” Naturally, the tree [okay Mr. Fisher] filed suit. Losing at the trial level, the tree appealed. Read the decision of the Michigan Court of Appeals to find out who won.

Syllabus (summary)

A wayward Chevy struck a tree