Articles Posted in Get A Life

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There’s not enough money in the world … Per The Courier & Mail:

French police say they have arrested a 63-year-old woman who was leading her 40-year-old companion along a busy shopping street by a leash attached to his exposed penis.

The couple were detained on Wednesday afternoon in the southwestern city of Carcassonne and were due to appear in court in April on charges of public indecency.

The couple admitted to being sex addicts and said they were in the middle of a game when arrested, police said on Thursday.

Only in France (until The Juice hears otherwise). And if you do hear otherwise, let The Juice know so he can create a new category (e.g. “Say What?“, “Just Weird“, “Odd Cases“) …

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Sure, there are more delicate ways to say this. But regular readers know The Juice prefers the blunt approach. So … The governing administration in Malawi is proposing legislation that would outlaw farting in public! Truth! As reported by afrik-news.com:

The Bingu wa Mutharika led administration is to introduce a raft of legislation that seeks to criminalize an everyday natural occurrence of “passing gas” with the intention to “mold responsible and discipl[ined] citizens.”

Certainly a fair amount of discipline would be involved …

The Local Courts Bill of 2010, according to Malawi media reports, is to be presented in the forthcoming Parliament sitting by Minister of Justice, George Chaponda. The bill, reports say, also deals with citizens who hinder the burial of dead bodies as well as people who pretend to be fortune tellers.

Is there any opposition?

Mr. John Tembo’s [he’s the leader of the opposition party] criticism of the bill is believed to have stricken a chord with local critics who argue that the capacity of the local justice system to handle the expected influx of cases is questionable.

And this, from an anonymous citizen:

Commenting on the bill, a Malawian is quoted as saying: “How can this government criminalise the release of intestinal gases …. Everyone does that, even if it’s in public or it has an accompanying sound which is boring, making it criminal is a joke of democracy.”

Any supporters out there? At least one.

Another [Malawian] said he “support(s) the bill and is welcome. Sometimes breaking wind in public or during meetings is a disturbance of the peace”.

Since the anti-flatulence provision is only part of the proposed bill, perhaps it’s removal would take the wind (oh!) out of the opposition’s sails. Here’s the source.

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Whatever happened to “live and let live?” Something surely happened to it in Lakemoor, Illinois. Just ask Ms. Tina Asmus, who used two toilets and a sink as planters in her yard. For this abominable crime, she was fined $25 under the village’s public nuisance ordinance, as reported by The Northwest Herald. Fortunately, Ms. Asmus fought the fine. And?

While McHenry County Judge Michael Caldwell said on Wednesday that the planters were “not something that appeal” to him, he cited his decades of experience as a village attorney to say the ordinance was not designed to apply in instances like this. Instead, it was meant to stop old, nonfunctional cars from sitting in driveways and prohibit unauthorized scrap metal recycling yards.

You go Judge. The Juice agrees with Ms. Asmus’s attorney.

“It may be that some of [her neighbors] don’t like it,” [Mr. George] Kililis said. “But frankly, that’s their problem.”

And check this out:

One of the toilets also had “God bless my neighbors” written on it, as well as a smiley face.

Well played, madam. Here’s the source, including a photo.

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Wait. That didn’t come out right. The “good deed” was an appearance at a charity event for children in Mumbai, India. And the person being sued is the beautiful actress/model Yana Gupta (yes, that’s her). Sadly, it is true that she is being sued for allegedly not wearing panties. As reported by The Times of India:

Actor and model Yana Gupta may have forgotten to wear her underpants at a recent charity function for kids in Mumbai but she sure won’t forget the episode in a hurry.

And Rizwan Ahmed, a self-proclaimed social activist in Lucknow, may just help to keep the controversy alive. Ahmed has filed a case against Yana, the photographer who clicked her pictures and the organizer of the event, Sushila Nirali for obscenity under section 292/ 293 and 294 of the IPC in the court of the Chief Judicial Magistrate, Lucknow on Tuesday.

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Let’s just say that you wouldn’t want to live in an apartment owned by Vincent Tan of Edmonton, Alberta. Here’s what he was up to: A tenant came home and found Mr. Tan with his pants off and an erection visible through his underwear. Zoinks! Enter the police, who then searched Mr. Tan’s home, and found a cache of videotapes.

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On some of the videos, Tan is in the women’s apartment, and is masturbating while wearing their lingerie and clothing. On others, Tan is featured, in the women’s apartment, in “various sexually compromising positions.” And, this is truly, truly nasty [cat lovers – you have been warned – go now, and come back to Legal Juice tomorrow] Tan disclosed that he once masturbated a male cat for “experimental purposes.” You were warned!

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You’ll never guess who this man lives with. His mother! And his sentence? Three months house arrest (they had to punish his mother too?), 9 months with an 11:30 p.m. curfew (keep your cats in during the day!), 100 hours of community service, and psychological counseling.

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Pasties were booked into evidence – for real. The Juice is confident you can see where this post is going. So, here are your choices: Starbucks, where the baristas are fully clothed, or Bikini Bottoms Espresso Stand, where the baristas wear bikinis and … pasties. Exactly. Looks like the folks in Pierce County, Washington are unlikely to have that choice anymore. As reported by The News Tribune:

Pierce County prosecutors on Tuesday filed a misdemeanor charge of unlawful public exposure against a bikini barista spotted last year serving coffee while wearing only pasties on her breasts.

It’s the first time Pierce County prosecutors have leveled such a charge since some area espresso stand owners began requiring their baristas to show skin in addition to making drinks.

In other Pierce County news, home sales suddenly plummeted… Also, it appears that Pierce County’s success in attracting new businesses to the County was fleeting. In fact, existing businesses are now relocating elsewhere …

[Deputy prosecutor] Benton said he charged [the barista] because her alleged conduct, if true, would constitute “a blantant violation” of the county ordinance banning public nudity.

Even if true, I have one word of advice: warning. Was it really necessary to arrest this 19-year-old? Who was the rat … er … concerned citizen?

A woman driving by the stand at 7919 176th St. E. on Oct. 7 called sheriff’s deputies after she spotted Lenn outside the stand. She was wearing a thong bikini bottom and no top, according to court records.

Curse you, woman!

A deputy dispatched to investigate the call found Lenn inside the stand making drinks, according to an arrest report. Lenn was topless but had X-shaped pasties covering her nipples, the report states.

[The barista] became angry when told she would be cited for indecent exposure and began to yell that baristas at other stands also wore pasties on the job, deputy Kevin Fries wrote in his report.

“I asked [her] if she was aware that it was illegal to wear the pasties in public,” Fries wrote. “She said no. [She] said that the female owner, Cheryl England, had told her and the other girls that it was OK to wear them.”

Having been duly warned …

[The barista] then went into the back of the stand, removed the pasties and put on a bikini top, Fries continued.

And, as noted above …

The deputy confiscated the pasties and booked them into the South Hill precinct property room as evidence, his report states.

Really? This is a good use of everyone’s time? Here’s hoping the pasties mysteriously disappear from the evidence room. Here’s the source.

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Let’s just say that Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell is not off to a very good start, unless, that is, you think it’s just fine to discriminate against homosexuals. As reported by talkingpointsmemo.com:

McDonnell (R) on Feb. 5 signed an executive order that prohibits discrimination “on the basis of race, sex, color, national origin, religion, age, political affiliation, or against otherwise qualified persons with disabilities,” as well as veterans.

So what’s the change?

[The executive order] rescinds the order that Gov. Tim Kaine signed Jan. 14, 2006 as one of his first actions. After promising a “fair and inclusive” administration in his inaugural address, Kaine (D) added veterans to the non-discrimination policy – and sexual orientation.

One can only imagine what this man will be able to do (and undo) in 4 years. Here’s the source.

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(Full disclosure: “Hair” is one of The Juice’s top ten favorite films.) Even in late 2009, long hair is STILL an issue in some schools. The crazy thing about this story is, we’re talking about a 4-year-old boy! (Click on the link at the end of the post to see his picture.) Seems Taylor’s long hair violates this Texas schools dress code. As reported by The Dallas Morning News:

It’s too long, Mesquite ISD administrators say, and Taylor can’t attend class with other students until he gets a haircut.

Since early November, the pre-kindergartner has had lessons with a teacher’s aide in the library at Floyd Elementary School, cut off from other students. Neither his parents, who refuse to cut his hair, nor the school district is happy about that, but no one knows when it is likely to end.

A 4-year-old essentially in solitary confinement because of his hair. Brilliant!

“The school cannot give us an honest reason why we should force him to cut his hair. He loves his hair,” said Taylor’s father, Delton Pugh Jr., on Tuesday. “I’ll move out of this school district before I’ll force him to cut his hair.”

According to Taylor’s mother, Elizabeth Taylor, no one complained about her son’s hair until October, when the principal told her it needed to be cut. She refused because he likes his hair long, his father has long hair and the family has American Indian heritage.

Even so, she tried to work with the school and this idiotic rule.

She did trim the child’s hair along the sides and back, but school officials said it was still too long. She offered to put Taylor’s hair in a pony tail and slick back the front so it “will look nice,” she said.

Aaaargh! You can read more (a lot) and see a picture of Taylor here.

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Two drunks guys (Dean Gardener, 19, and Jason Fender, 22) decided to hassle two cross-dressing men. Big mistake. True, the drunk “bully” got one punch off, but that was it. Per The Daily Telegraph:

But the fight is over in a matter of seconds as the other cage fighter, sporting a wig and a sparkling black dress, floors both the assailants with two lightning-quick punches.

(This incident starts at about the 1:00 minute mark in the video below.)

Shazam! Did you see those lightning bolts? (at 1:21 and 1:22 in the video)

The attackers are arrested by police as they stagger down the road. Officers later learned the cross-dressers were actually cage fighters on a fancy dress stag night out.

So that’s the crime. The time?

Both men admitted using abusive words and behaviour. They were electronically tagged and given a four-month community order and a curfew from 7am to 7pm.

Here’s the source.