The Juice applauds this church for its openmindedness. But this is what the Juice has a problem with:
While not having a policy for transgendered clergy, the United Methodist Church does prohibit sexually active gay clergy!
Oy vey. What’s a parishioner to think, after his/her head stops spinning?
That’s the allegation, anyway. The plaintiffs allege that certain sodas contain unsafe levels of benzene, which can form in drinks containing vitamin C, also called ascorbic acid, and either sodium benzoate or potassium benzoate. (Scientists say factors such as heat or light exposure can trigger a reaction that forms benzene in the beverages.)
So what did the judge do when the soda folks asked him to toss the suit? She declined, and the case moves forward. (Coca Cola settled with the plaintiffs, and agreed to reforumlate the sodas in questions.
Defendant Richard Glawson can forget about jury sympathy. After the judge refused the prosecutor’s request to have Glawson shackled, he sucker-punched an elderly juror, then had to be pulled off of him. Sure, hindsight is 20/20. In this case, though, foresight should have been easy enough. 
Here’s what Glawson (see photo) is accused of doing during a two-day crime spree: robbing a house, starting a shootout at a mall, carjacking a woman, breaking into another home, shooting a disabled man’s dog, carjacking two more vehicles, and shooting a police officer in the hand. What the hell do you have to be accused of to warrant shackles?
Petty Officer Second Glass Jason Knight, a trained Hebrew linguist, is gay. So, under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” the Navy booted him in 2005. 
He even had to give back his $13,000 signing bonus. Then, just 9 months later, the Navy called him up for a one-year tour in Kuwait. He gladly accepted, hoping to return to active duty full-time, perhaps entering officers candidate school.
Now, just weeks before the end of his one-year tour, the Navy discharged him again because … he is gay! Apparently they were not pleased with an interview he did with Stars & Stripes and other media. Here’s what Knight had to say in a letter to Stars & Stripes before this latest discharge:
I spent four years in the Navy, buried fallen service members as part of the Ceremonial Guard, served as a Hebrew Linguist in Navy Intelligence, and received awards for exemplary service. However, because I was gay, the Navy discharged me and recouped my $13,000 sign-on bonus. Nine months later, the Navy recalled me to active duty. Did I accept despite everything that happened? Of course I did, and I would do it again. Because I love the Navy and I love my country. And . . . my shipmates support me.
Things must be going awfully well in the Collier County, Florida school system. Why else would they spend so much time and so many resources doing battle over a harmless prank? Here’s what happened:
Senior Nick Sofos was asked to co-host a fundraiser for the school’s drama club.
Just before intermission, Nick faked an accidental pants-drop and turned his back on the crowd, mooning them. (Hmmm. I wonder where he got that idea?) For the occasion, he wore a thong, so that the crowd would not be exposed to anything other than his butt. After about 10 seconds of mock befuddlement, Nick pulled up his pants, apologized and exited the stage.
The following day, Nick was ordered to leave the school’s football game. (Fear the buttocks!)
He was then suspended for 10 days, after telling the principal that it was an accident.
Soon thereafter, per the principal, Nick sent him an e-mail admitting that it was not an accident.
After the suspension, Nick was required to spend 10 more days in the Phoenix Program, an alternative school.
That was too much for Nick’s parents, who went to court and asked the judge to force the school board to allow Nick to return to his high school. They won.
The school board appealed!
They lost.
Now they want to expel Nick for violating …. Rule 11! No, not Rule 11! Anything but Rule 11! Anyone have the Rule book? Sorry. Here it is. Rule 11 provides that “a student shall not use any method of communication, including electronic communication, that is obscene or profane, that causes personal humiliation or is likely to disrupt the school education, extracurricular or administrative process.”
So do you think Nick was expelled?
Janet Campbell did – once. The man was her husband, Desmond. They pitched their tent 20 yards from a cliff! Per Mr. Campbell, his wife left the tent to go to the bathroom. He heard a sound, and found her body at the bottom of the cliff, 55 yards below. Without anything further, you’d have to take a hard look at Mr. Campbell, no? But there’s more. Here’s what has been put into evidence at the Coroner’s inquest:
Just days after his wife died, he went on vacation with one of the women he was dating while he was married!
He was in significant relationships with at least 3 other women while he was dating or married to Ms. Campbell (and none of them knew he was married).
He didn’t go to her funeral.
He had not contributed significantly to the $660,000 property he and Ms. Campbell had recently purchased.
He resigned from the police department in 1994 after being suspended without pay following a number of disciplinary actions against him.
Mr. Campbell was overheard telling colleagues that Ms. Campbell was stalking and harassing him, and that they weren’t together anymore.
Mr. Campbell has a reputation as a rogue and a gold-digger.
Although Mr. Campbell is certainly entitled to the presumption of innocence, it’s not looking too good. Perhaps that’s why he was not even present at the Coroner’s inquest?
Many folks who are wondering about the meaning of life, or what happens after death, turn to religion for answers. But if you’re wondering how to get out of a traffic ticket, you’re on your own.
Take the case of Mr. Robert G. Loudon, a god-fearing resident of Memphis, Tennessee. On a sunny day in June, 1990, Mr. Loudon was stopped by police for making an illegal left turn. When asked for his license, Mr. Loudon replied that it had expired. The officer then prepared a citation for the illegal turn, and for driving without a license, and presented it to Mr. Loudon for his signature. Mr. Loudon refused to sign, because (as the court explains):
[Mr. Loudon] advised [the officer] that he could not be arrested because her God was not as big as his God. He referred to her as “an agent of the socialistic government and he felt that it was that type of government that was trying to brand him with this mark.”
Mr. Loudon refused to renew his driver’s license because doing so would require him to provide his social security number to the DMV. And why wouldn’t he do so? In a letter to the Tennessee Department of Safety, Mr. Loudon declared that:
[I]t is illegal for you or anyone else to deny me a renewal of my operator license because I neither have nor will get a Socialist Surveillance Number; and so to do will be a violation of Federal laws both civil and criminal, regardless of any “Laws” you claim to be acting under color of. …
I do not have a SSN because that number is now becoming the mark of the beast against which we are warned in the Bible at Revelation 13:16-18, 14:11, and other places. I have committed my life to follow the Lord Jesus, Christ, and I cannot permit myself to be defiled with your number, as it would surely defile me.
The heathen court wasn’t convinced. Risking the fire and brimstone of Mr. Loudon’s vengeful God, the court affirmed his sentence, whereby he was ordered to pay a $108 fine and serve thirty days at the Shelby County Correctional Center.
The case is Tennessee v. Loudon, 857 S.W.2d 878 (Tenn. Crim. App. 1993).
Don Bolles, drummer for the legendary punk rock band The Germs, was on his way to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting when he was pulled over by Newport Beach, California’s finest. For whatever reason (they hate punk?), they decide to search his car. I’m sure Bolles now wishes he hadn’t consented. He probably thought he had nothing to hide. Ah, but he forget about ……. the soap! Yes, soap. For some odd reason, the police field-tested Bolles’ bottle of Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soap. Using the handy-dandy Narcopouch 928, the police determined that Bolles had GHB (gamma hydroxyl butyrate – the “date rape” drug) in his soap!
Never doubting for a second that the results could be erroneous, the Newport Beach police charged Bolles with a felony and took him to jail, where he spent the next 3 1/2 days. The soaps maker came to his defense. Ten days after being bailed out, a confirmation test done by the police crime lab came back negative, and the charges were dropped.
But that’s not the end of it. The soap’s manufacturer has been using the Narcopouch 928 GHB test kit to test a variety of products. So far, products from the following companies have produced false-positives: Neutrogena, Tom’s of Maine, Johnson & Johnson, Palmolive! Concerned about all of these false positives, Dr. Bronner’s is calling for police departments across the United States to stop using the Narcopouch 928.
I lack the imagination to make these stories up. Seems that young Ms. Marin (age 18) was recently picked up for trying to pinch a pair of shoes at a London store called Lizard. While the police were detaining her, she managed to secure her weapon – her right breast – and let loose with a stream of milk at the officer. For this, she was charged with assault!
Update: Ms. Marin appeared in court and pleaded “not guilty.” The matter was continued.
Legal Juice