Articles Posted in Extra Pulp

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Okay, so we’re not talking about the mailman. Surely the newspaper delivery guy is close enough? As reported by ktuu.com:

An Anchorage Daily News deliveryman has been charged with two counts of driving under the influence after his pickup truck slid off the road in Chugiak Wednesday morning — and police found him trying to finish his route in another vehicle.

APD responded at about 6:45 a.m. to a report of a brown Ford pickup with its rear wheels in a ditch creating a traffic hazard at Birchwood Loop and Spruce Crest Drive.

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Unfortunately the method for virtually assuring that you’ll get your drugs is also the one that will likely get you busted. The method? Mail the drugs … to yourself! Per The Cairns Post [Australia]:

A man who posted himself an ounce of heroin has been sentenced to four years’ jail.

You mean the postal service screens packages? Newman!

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What in tarnation was going on in this Sacramento, California apartment? See if you can figure it out. From The Sacramento Bee:

Police attempted to serve a warrant on Fairfield Avenue. 
Officers said that they 
heard a woman talking inside the apartment, and they 
knocked, identified 
themselves as police officers and asked to speak to the 
woman. A man inside 
replied that she wasn’t there, but they could come back 
later. Officers again heard 
a woman inside and re-identified themselves, adding that 
if the occupants did 
not open the door, it would be forced open. After the 
residents again refused to 
open the door, it was forced open, and the woman was 
found talking to police 
and reporting that someone was trying to break into her 
apartment.

Uh… Sorry, wrong number.

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The scale of this formal postal worker’s thievery is truly mind-boggling. As reported by 9news.com, he stole about 11,000 packages over a 2-year period!

Schmauder targeted packages sent from retailers like Amazon.com, looking for DVDs and CDs he could re-sell. Additionally, Schmauder stole Victoria’s Secret lingerie which he gave to his wife. He admitted to stealing as many as 50 packages a night for two years.

What did he do with all that stuff?

Schmauder resold the stolen items to Angelo’s Movies, Music and Gifts, a Littleton store which bills itself as the largest independent music store in the Denver area. Receipts showed Angelo’s paid Schmauder $85,174 for 11,829 items.

Sweet Mary! The sentence?

U.S. District Court Judge Christine Arguello sentenced Schmauder to 30 months, or two and a half years, in federal prison, the maximum according to sentencing guidelines …

You can read more (a fair amount, including information on his mental illness defense) and see a video of the story here.

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Rule number one: Make sure the getaway car has enough gas to get away! Rule number two: Don’t commit your crime in full view of surveillance cameras. A man in Albany, Georgia broke both rules, and will no doubt pay a hefty price. As reported by WALB:

An Albany car dealership has a big mess to clean up. Thanksgiving night a man broke in to the Five Star Nissan showroom, stole a vehicle, and shattered glass windows as he drove right out the building.

You already know how he was caught.

He ran out of gas in Early County though [and was hanging out by the car!] and is now in police custody.

To read more (a fair amount) click here.

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No worries using the phone in the police station lobby under normal circumstances. Unfortunately for a certain young man in Eugene, Oregon, these were not normal circumstances! As reported in The Register-Guard:

A man suspected of bank robbery, who apparently just wanted to phone his parents, was arrested Wednesday. His mistake: making the call from the Eugene police station lobby. “I just assume that he didn’t believe that we’d recognize him,” Detective Ralph Burks said.

Note to self: Doh!

Police arrested Nathan Alan Bramlage, 23, about two blocks from the police station after an officer spotted him in the lobby and apparently recognized him from a surveillance tape of the bank robbery, which had occurred the previous day.

The officer alerted detectives, who trailed Bramlage on foot and arrested him without incident. He was booked into the Lane County Jail on charges of second-degree robbery as well as violating probation on an earlier charge of delivering heroin.

The arrest was made a little more than 24 hours after police responded to the Wells Fargo bank at 99 E. Broadway in downtown Eugene. A man had approached a teller, claimed to have a gun and left with an undisclosed amount of cash, police said. The bank also is just a few blocks from the police station where Bramlage came to use the public phone in the lobby.

With everything so close together, how about that minimal carbon footprint? Here’s the source.

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In many countries this would simply be considered pathetic, not criminal. But in Kuwait? As reported by The Arab Times:

Police have arrested an Egyptian man for luring a Kuwaiti woman to commit immoral act, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily. 



The arrest came when the man was distributing leaflets to residents of Nugra. When he came in contact with the victim he allegedly began to flirt with her and used indecent words.

The woman sought the help of a Syrian woman, her neighbor, and handed the man over to the police.


According to reports the man attempted to escape but the Syrian screamed for help and neighbors wrestled the man to the ground and beat him.


An arrest and a beat down? Yikes.

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Before you go calling the police about that giant schlong on your driveway, perhaps it’s worth determining if it’s paint or … A homeowner in Millville, New Jersey skipped that step, and called Johnny Law, unnecessarily, as reported by The News of Cumberland County.

Someone graced an East Vine Street driveway with a drawing of a penis early Monday morning or before.

The person who called police reported that someone had spray painted the phalus, but police on scene discovered it was chalk. They advised the property owner to wash it off with water and reported no actual property damage.

Hey, sidewalk chalk! We could be on to something big here!

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It was not The Juice’s intention to focus on poorly executed crimes this week. Nevertheless, fresh on the heels of yesterday’s post, comes this story of a woman whose getaway car had vanity plates WITH HER NAME ON THEM. As reported by WMUR-TV:

Police said surveillance video show a woman wearing a ski mask and hooded sweatshirt robbing the store. Investigators said the robber approached a clerk who was stocking candy and said the pharmacy was being robbed.

Police said employees were on edge after the pharmacy was robbed two days earlier by two men with a shotgun, and workers thought the woman was armed, as well.

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