Articles Posted in Extra Pulp

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Not many Orders merit a block quote on Legal Juice. This one, from the case of Kissel v. Schwartz … out of Kentucky, most definitely does. So, without further ado:

“And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would rather have jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory; IT IS THEREFORE ORDERED AND ADJUDGED by the court as follows: 1. The jury trial scheduled herein for July 13, 2011 is hereby CANCELED.”

You like Kenton Circuit Judge Martin J. Sheehan, right? One more thing:

“4. The Clerk shall engage the services of a structural engineer to ascertain if the return of this file to the Clerk’s office will exceed the maximum structural load of the floors of said office.”

Nicely done sir! Here’s the Order

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If you didn’t get in any trouble as a kid, either you’re very clever, or your childhood was incomplete. But this kid? At only 12, he’s had enough trouble to last him for a long, long time. As reported by www.ksat.com:

In Santa Fe, New Mexico, a 12-year-old boy high on marijuana led police on a chase and eventually rolled his car — and it’s not his first run-in with the law.

He was wearing a monitoring bracelet! Ever heard of a 12-year-old wearing a monitoring bracelet? Here’s how they got the ride:

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Needless to say, you won’t get flush working at the Rockaway, New Jersey Dunkin Donuts, even on the night shift, unless … As reported at dailyrecord.com:

Melissa Redmond, 29, of Mine Hill, was arrested after a six week investigation known as “extra sugar” that began when police got a tip that people could go to the Dunkin Donuts on Route 46 and arrange a liason with Redmond.

First reaction: Seriously, when resources are stretched so thin everywhere, the police spent SIX WEEKS on this? OMFG! Second reaction: “extra sugar”? Brilliant! But back to the intrigue…

“I had gotten an anonymous tip,” Detective Sgt. Kyle Schwarzmann, who led the investigation. “She was a night time employee (working 9 p.m. to 5 a.m.), supposedly a very good one.’’

Schwarzmann began gathering information and doing surveillance at the scene. He noticed on multiple evenings that she would go out to cars to see customers and would spend 10 or 15 minutes there, he said.

“Sometimes I ‘d even see money changing hands,’’ Schwarzmann said, adding that sometimes the cars would stay in the parking lot and other times they would drive to another nearby location.

So, with all of this valuable intel in hand …

An undercover operation was developed wth the assistance of Officer Robert Koehler and Officer Scott Haigh acting as the undercover “John.”

THREE COPS WORKING THIS CASE!!!!

“He went in plain clothes through the drive thru window,’’ Schwarzmann said. “He spoke to her and she said if he wanted a good time to call her and she gave him her phone number.”

Haigh parked in the parking lot and Redmond allegedly came out, approached him and gave him a specific price list for her services.

Haigh returned on another occasion and inquired about her services, was offered a new, and lower, price so he said he needed to go to a bank machine but would return with the money.

When Haigh returned, they drove to the back of the building and the arrest was made. Redmond was then processed, served her complaint and released.

Is it just The Juice (it often is, and he’s fine with that), or does anyone else (other than Ms. Redmond and her “customers”) think this was (and is) a colossal waste of time? Here’s the source.

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“Really Officer? I had no idea I was going that fast.” Uh-huh. “Yes, but I’ve only had a couple drinks.” The landscape is littered with lies to cops. This one is a humdinger. As reported by thedestinlog.com:

Daniel E. Debernardi was seen inside Night Town in Destin with a white substance, according to an Okaloosa County Sheriff’s report.

Uh oh.

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So the United States already incarcerates a LOT of people. Imagine, if you will, that getting drunk in your own home, and having a party, were against the law. As reported by Al-Watan Arabic Daily (via The Arab Times):

Party holder held: Based on a tip-off, police rushed to an apartment in Hawalli and arrested an individual for consuming alcohol and holding fun party inside his apartment.

A police source said the drunkard had invited several friends to celebrate his birthday and got angry when he saw an invitee kissing and hugging his girlfriend. The drunkard became enraged and started shouting, as he ran after his girlfriend and the guest. Neighbors, who were being disturbed, called police and the drunkard was arrested, high on alcohol.

That’s right, we tried that once…

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You have to be pretty hammered to think that the candor pander has any chance of working when you’re driving drunk. As reported by www.beenews.com (New York):

A man was arrested for driving while intoxicated after patrol observed his vehicle 
pass 
through a steady red light at Seneca Creek Road and swerve several times on 
Union Road.

The 
man told patrol, “I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been drinking,” then produced a Rite Aid 
rewards card 
for ID instead of his driver’s license.

Doh!

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These women knew that they were virtually untouchable by the police. Why? Because they were pregnant (or suckling)! Per the Qianjiang Evening News (via ChinaDaily):

A group of 46 pregnant women were arrested and prosecuted for theft in Hangzhou, Zhejiang province.

The women, who committed more than 400 thefts a month in the city, vary in ages from 20 to 40. They repeatedly got pregnant, because police will not usually arrest pregnant women or women suckling. One member in the group even got pregnant eight times in 10 years.

After they were arrested, the number of robberies in the city decreased noticeably.

If you know of a stranger gang, The Juice is all ears.

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Regular Juice readers may remember this post about a law in Terrebonne Parish, Louisiana that prohibited the sale of silly string within three hundred (300) feet of any parade route within the parish on any day a parade is scheduled.

So, no selling of silly string, only on parade days, and only within 300 feet of the parade route. Well sir, that kind of leniency toward the devil that is silly string will not be tolerated in the town of Hopkinton, Massachusetts! For in that town, you may not sell or use silly string EVER. To wit:

ARTICLE I

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So, you’re telling me that if metal is exposed to the sun, it’ll get hot? NFW! Who would have thought that? Not this woman, who had some wire in her bathing suit (guess where) and got burned. As reported by The New York Post:

A Long Island sun worshipper landed in the hospital with third-degree burns on her bust after the underwire in her two-piece bathing suit became superheated, she said.

Underwire? Oh, so that’s how come this suit makes me feel so much younger! Who knew?!

The black Coco Reef swimsuit had been sitting in her drawer for a while before Robin Corrente, 50, of Yaphank, got the chance to try it out.

She wore it on a 90-degree afternoon in August 2008 to soak up some rays in her yard. “After about an hour, I was hurting,” Corrente said. “I went up to take a shower and I realized . . . I had a lot of blisters.”

A trip to the hospital confirmed she had serious burns, and doctors had to remove a piece of flesh “the size of a dime” from her right breast.

Yikes. That had to hurt. Now she’s trying to take down the very folks who helped, um, prop her up.

Corrente is suing Coco Reef manufacturer Swimwear Anywhere in Manhattan Supreme Court. Swimwear Anywhere declined to comment.

And if you think The Juice is rooting against Ms. Corrente, think again. Although she could have thought of the scenario of the wire heating up during sunbathing, certainly the manufacturer should have foreseen it. Here’s the source.

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You can allege anything. The question is, can you prove it? Check out the allegations in a lawsuit currently pending in Fairfax County (Virginia) Circuit Court, as reported in The Washington Post:

Paragraph 10. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was going 85 miles per hour.”

Paragraph 12. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was having sex with a female.”

Paragraph13. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was driving admittedly drunk.”

Paragraph 14. “At the time of the accident, Defendant was partially or totally in the backseat of the car.”

So those are the allegations. Said the defendant’s lawyer …

… there was “no statement by anyone that they were driving on the Beltway having sex” and “no facts on it.”

The Post also reports that …

Records show the defendant, from Woodbridge, was convicted in Fairfax district court of drunken driving near Telegraph Road in May 2010. But now he denies he was driving. (What?) He was coming from his 21st birthday party in Baltimore, court records state. The woman involved has been dismissed from the case. There was someone ELSE in the car too, and HE denies driving as well.

Should be quite the trial. (It’ll take place next week.) Here’s the source.