Generally, The Juice is not inclined to prejudge a pending action, but, IMHO, THERE IS NO WAY THIS WOMAN SLEPT THROUGH THIS! NFW. As reported by the Chicago Tribune:
A Buffalo Grove woman is accused of allowing an underage drinking party in her home after her son and 17 other teenagers were cited over the weekend for unlawful possession and consumption of alcohol, police said Monday.
17 other teenagers! But wait …
As reported in The Murfreesboro [Tennessee] Post:
A retired Murfreesboro woman reported a man identifying himself from Publisher’s Clearing House notified her she received a $200,000 prize but she needed to pay $857.75 in taxes before receiving the money. She sent a $857.75 money gram to a Smyrna address. Once the money gram was received, the callers asked for $1,200 more for interstate taxes. Instead of sending money a second time, she called police.
You know that old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you …” Or, as President Bush phrased it [really]:
“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” —President George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
Sure, turning yourself in is great but … you might want to wait until you sober up! This advice comes to late for William Olson, age 38, of Great Falls, Montana. He drove himself to the Highway Patrol, and turned himself in. For what? Per the Great Falls Tribune:
According to charges, Olson was driving in a Toyota 4Runner with his four children, who range in age from 3 to 13, on Morony Dam Road on Sunday.
Olson turned onto a gravel road, then sped up and pulled the emergency break in an attempt to make the vehicle spin, documents state. Olson told police he was trying to impress the kids, documents state.
Oh he impressed them, just not in the way he intended.
Instead, the vehicle rolled. The children were not in safety seats, and received minor injuries in the crash …
So after he turned himself in, the officer interviewing him smelled alcohol. Olson blew .094 (legally impaired!). And this is his 4th DUI charge! Doh! Here are the charges he’s facing, in addition to the DUI:
driving a vehicle with expired registration, driving a vehicle with plates assigned to another vehicle, failure to give notice of an accident, reckless driving, two counts of failure to have a child properly restrained, four counts of negligent vehicular assault, and obstructing justice.
Shazam!
So the parent of a 5-year-old kid had an argument with another parent – on the playground, of course. As a result, Mr. Joseph Moldrich, one of the parents, hatched a scheme to get the kid of the other parent kicked out of school. He would make threatening phone calls to the teacher, pretending to be the other parent! Pure genius, no? No. Here are a few of the messages Moldrich allegedly left (he said he’s going to plead guilty):
You fuck off Oakleigh South.
. . . We know where you live.
. . . Kill, kill, kill.
You fucking, you no leave and me kill you.
Some calls were made with a fake foreign accent, some with a woman’s voice. Wow. Moldrich has been in jail since he was arrested on June 29th. He has not even asked for bail. Should’ve followed the Juice motto: What happens on the playground, stays on the playground. You can read more here.
Regular readers know that the Juice is not fond of folks who try to weasel out of jury duty. But this is one of the more idiotic methods I’ve seen employed (but did it work?). As reported by the Bozeman Daily Chronicle:
Erik Slye, a Belgrade auto painter in his mid-30s, was summoned to appear for jury duty on Jan. 26 by District Judge John Brown’s court. Slye, who had previously told the court that he could not take time off from work to serve on a jury, responded with a written tirade of insults and profanities that landed him in front of the judge last week. His wife now says she wrote the affidavit, even though her husband signed it.
So what did it say? [From The Smoking Gun]
Apparently you morons didn’t understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. I’m not putting my familys well being at stake to participate in this crap. I don’t believe in our “justice” system and I don’t want to have a goddam thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dogs balls than sit on a jury . Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the F__k alone.
You sent this to the court? What the hell were you thinking? And what did the Court have to say?
… the note landed Erik Slye in front of Judge Brown. On April 21, Brown had Slye read the entire note aloud in court.
Um, er, oh. Did I say that?
“Mr. Slye, do you think I’m a moron?” Brown asked after he was finished.
Erik Slye said no, and apologized to Brown and the clerks of the court.
The result?
[Judge] Brown excused Erik Slye with a warning.
Slye’s wife apparently learned nothing from the ordeal.
Asked if she had any advice for others trying to get out of jury duty, she offered only this: “Freedom of speech doesn’t apply to jury affidavits.”
Let’s just say that, suddenly, I’m much happier with “John.” The name? “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.” Really. Per the Taranaki Daily News:
[Family Court Judge Rob Murfitt] was so worried about the effect on the girl [who was the subject of a custody hearing] he ordered her to be temporarily placed under the guardianship of the court so a suitable name could be chosen.
Here are some other names Judge Murfitt cited in his opinion:
Number 16 Bus Shelter
Benson and Hedges (twins)
Violence
Midnight Chardonnay
Fish and Chips (yes, twins)
Yeah Detroit
Spiral Cicada
Kaos
Fat Boy
Cinderella Beauty Blossom
Twisty Poi
Keenan Got Lucky
Sex Fruit
Said the Judge:
While the ideal of seeking a unique name could not be criticised “these parents have failed in exercising the first and important task of parenthood”. He said it was not “a time to be frivolous or to create a hurdle for their child’s future life.”
Why does the New Zealand government have any say in what people name their kids?
Section 18 of the Births, Deaths and Marriages Registration Act 1995 allows the Registrar to refuse registration if:
(a) it might cause offence to a reasonable person; or
(b) it is unreasonably long; or
(c) without justification, it is, includes, or resembles, an official title or rank.
Aram Berberian had been a Rhode Island lawyer for 31 years when he sent this letter to a member of the Kent County, Rhode Island Courthouse police:
Frank A. Carter, Jr., Esquire
Providence County Supreme Court
250 Benefit Street
Providence, R.I. 02903
Dear Brother Carter:On 15 October 1980 I intend to present to the Security Officers at the Kent County Courthouse a hand grenade which I will have smuggled into the courthouse. Since you have evidenced an interest in the subject matter, would you care to be present when I make the presentation? If so, I would be pleased to telephone to you the proper time.
I have already informed Officer Keagan of my intention so that he would have ready appropriate medication for his heart.
Yours truly,
Aram K. Berberian
Brilliant! Berberian also sent the letter to several others, including the clerk of the Superior Court, posted it on the Courthouse bulletin board, and hand-delivered it to a courthouse police officer, who gave it to his superior, Officer Dodd (who Berberian had sued over … metal detectors in state courthouses!).
Come October 15th, while speaking with a court security officer in the cafeteria, Berberian said
Gee, today is the 15th, I forgot I was supposed to bring a hand grenade into the building today. Give me a few minutes, I will go and get it. I have some business in Judge DeCiantis’ courtroom.
Berberian then went back to the courtroom where he was trying a domestic matter. Soon thereafter, the Chief of the Courthouse Police (Captain Dodd) entered the courtroom. Per the court:
When defendant noticed that Dodd had entered the room, he interrupted the examination of a witness, turned to Justice DeCiantis, and said, “Your Honor, one moment. I have something I want to give Captain Dodd.” The defendant approached Dodd and removed from his clothing a metal [**5] object that appeared to be a hand grenade. As he did so, defendant said: “Be careful with it. Don’t pull the [*930] pin. It might explode.”
It didn’t. Remotely, the pin was pulled by the Fire Marshal, and nothing happened. The grenade “was filled with an inert metallic substance incapable of exploding.” What was Attorney Berberian’s fate?
Attorney David Cwik represented the Plaintiff in a medical malpractice case. He was not pleased when defense attorney Marilee Clausing filed a Motion to Dismiss because she claimed Mr. Cwik failed to disclose his expert witnesses. How did Mr. Cwik repond? He wrote her a letter with the following sentence:
Should you succeed on your motion, we would merely dismiss the case, refile it shortly thereafter, and in the interim send somebody over to perform a clitorectomy on you.
Dude! Dude! And here’s what he told the disciplinary commission:
He had the letter personally delivered on August 18, 1989 believing that Ms. Clausing would “get a kick out of this.”
As it turned out, the only kick came from the disciplinary commission, which reprimanded Mr. Cwik. You can read the commission’s entire report here (search “Cwik” and click on the last result.)
Oh no you didn’t just cite Ludacris, federal Judge Terence T. Evans. Okay, maybe “cite” is a little misleading, but still … from footnote 1 in U.S. v. Murphy
The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch “hoe.” A “hoe,” of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden’s response. We have taken the liberty of changing “hoe” to “ho,” a staple of rap music vernacular as, for example, when Ludacris raps “You doin’ ho activities with ho tendencies.”
I like it. Here’s the case: U.S. v. Murphy, 406 F.3d 857 (7th Cir. 2005).
Yes, it is possible to be outsmarted by an elevator, as demonstrated by a pair of Norwegian vandals. As reported in the Fayetteville Observer:
[The vandals]overlooked a small but crucial detail when they started smashing up a train station elevator: They were inside it.
And the elevator at the Lillestroem Train Station, north of Oslo, appeared to be the vengeful sort, sealing its doors and holding the two for the police.
“Vandalism is always sad, but a lot of people do see the humor in this,” said Ellen Svendsvoll, of the National Rail Administration. “They got what was coming to them.”
The two vandals, identified only as men in their early 20s, went into the elevator late on April 21, waited for the doors to close, and started to kick them, she said. They kicked so hard that the doors jammed, and the elevator stopped, sending an alarm to security guards. The guards tried to lower the elevator, which only jammed the doors more, so they called the police and fire department.
The firemen freed the two suspects, while the police waited outside.
Legal Juice