Articles Posted in Best Of

For real. Apparently it wasn’t the first time Michael Rainey’s cat mistook neighbor Joseph Loflin’s yard for a litter box. As reported by Click2Houston.com:

“‘Your cat has been back there defecating in my back yard,'” [former police officer] Loflin said he told his neighbor. “I used the slang word, the four-letter word to describe what the cat was doing.”

The “slang word?”

Both men agree that Loflin used the “s” word. Rainey said his 13-year-old daughter was nearby.

Not the S-bomb! Now it’s on.

“I said, ‘Look, I’ve asked you twice. This is the third time. Don’t use that language in front of my daughter,'” Rainey said he told Loflin. “That’s when he responded, ‘There’s nothing wrong with the word, and if I want to use the word, I’ll use the word.'”

Uh huh. So there’s a 13-year-old out there who hasn’t heard the word “shit” before? He probably thinks his daughter isn’t on Facebook … So how did the police get involved?

“I didn’t call him a filthy name,” Loflin said. “I didn’t call him … I didn’t use any profanity towards him. I used it as a noun, then I used it as an adverb to describe what his cat was doing. I think it was greatly taken out of context.” After Loflin threatened to get a trap, Rainey called the police. The police wrote Loflin a ticket for disorderly conduct because of language.

The Juice is glad to hear that Mr. Loflin will fight this asinine ticket.

Per the Court, Ken Parks

… attacked his parents‑in‑law, killing one and seriously injuring the other. The incident occurred at their home, some 23 km. [14 miles] from respondent’s [Parks’] residence, during the night while they were both asleep in bed. Respondent [Parks] had driven there by car. Immediately after the incident, the respondent went to a nearby police station, again driving his own car, and told them what he had done. Respondent claimed to have been sleepwalking throughout the incident.

Mr. Parks was charged with first degree murder and attempted murder. So how did the trial go? Per the Court:

At the trial respondent presented a defence of automatism. The testimony of five expert witnesses called by the defence was not contradicted by the Crown. This evidence was that respondent was sleepwalking and that sleepwalking is not a neurological, psychiatric or other illness. The trial judge put only the defence of automatism to the jury, which acquitted respondent of first degree murder and then of second degree murder. The judge then acquitted the respondent of the charge of attempted murder. The Court of Appeal unanimously upheld the acquittal. At issue here is whether sleepwalking should be classified as non‑insane automatism resulting in an acquittal or as a “disease of the mind” (insane automatism), giving rise to the special verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity.

So does he walk on the “insanity” issue too? The Supreme Court says … the acquittal was proper. Parks did not have a “disease of the mind,” so the trial court properly refused to give the jury that option.

If you are one of those folks who refuses to carry a cell phone, I seriously doubt that this story will change your mind. But for those who carry them religiously (me?), and feel strange if we don’t have them, vindication! Check out this story from the Atlanta Journal Constitution:

The robber came in the door of the Beverage Mart liquor store in Roswell, waving a big, black hunting knife.

He wanted the money in the knapsack. Now!

Irony? Sixty-one-year-old Janusz Nowak of Sosnowiec, Poland was sick and tired of people vandalizing his bus stop. So, he pasted the following notice on the pavement:

“Dear Vandals – please stop destroying the bus-stop.”

And guess what happened? He was arrested for vandalism!

A police spokesman said: “Although the man had good intentions and wanted to express his indignation towards hooligans’ behaviour in the neighbourhood he unfortunately broke the law himself.”

What a brilliant use of police resources. Here’s the story.

No doubt Dr. Nilon Tallant was incredibly thrilled to be honored as the Texas “Doctor of the Day” on January 12, 2007. He correctly assumed that the Texas House of Representatives did not know that he is a CONVICTED SEX OFFENDER who had his license revoked (by the Texas Medical Board!) for 4 years. Said Lt. Gutierrez, who investigated Dr. Tallant’s crime, and described him as extremely exploitative and abusive:

I can’t believe that the Medical Board let him practice again. Why didn’t they talk to us before making that decision?

And what was his crime? Dr. Tallant, then 64, was charged with 19 counts of sexual performance with a child, a 17-year-old PATIENT. He pleaded guilty to a felony and got probation. PROBATION!

Representative Leo Berman, who introduced Dr. Tallant, was not pleased.

I don’t like the idea that I introduced a sex offender. He should have told whoever selected him to be the Doctor of the Day that he is a registered sex offender and not try to appear before the Texas House of Representatives and make himself look legitimate before the entire state.

Are you shitting me? You expect a doctor who sexually molested a minor patient to just out himself?

And guess what the TV station investigating the matter discovered: The Texas Legislature also honored Dr. Tallant on April 21, 2006!

Kauai has got to be one of the coolest places on earth (especially the north shore). It’s definitely the coolest place The Juice ever visited.

But even this totally chill tropical paradise has a few rules. For example, when you visit somebody in the hospital, you can’t bring the patient’s horse (in the elevator!) to cheer him up. Now it is Kauai, so the hospital does allow pets, like cats and dogs. And they are almost apologetic about this limitation.

“On Kauai, we have a very warm inviting atmosphere at Wilcox [Memorial Hospital],” [hospital spokeswoman] Yukimura said. “We just hope people understand this is not a place for a horse.”

Yes ma’am, we understand. Oh – one more thing about the horse. After all the man went through to cheer up his ailing relative – he brought the wrong horse!

She did. She called the Judge an asshole! (Or, as reported at Ocala.com, “a two-syllable curse word—a crude term referring to the anus.” Must be a “family” newspaper. Please.) Anyway, Ms. Sarah E. Muller was not pleased with Marion County [Florida] Judge R. James McCune Jr.’s denial of her request to be dismissed from jury duty. Twice. First, she cited her poor health, which the Judge rejected. Then, she said she was a racist, which the Judge also rejected. That’s when she called the Judge an asshole, only he didn’t quite hear it. So…

When the judge asked Muller to clarify her remark, [she] repeated it. He charged her on the spot with direct criminal contempt of the court — a second-degree misdemeanor— and Muller was promptly handcuffed by a court bailiff and taken into custody.

Now Judge McCune was pissed.

“How in the world did you think that running your mouth in such a foul, profane way would be appropriate in court, of all places?” McCune asked Muller. “Did it even dawn on you that you were already here and you might as well make the most of it?”

Ms. Muller’s reaction? Not a “crude term referring to the anus.”

Muller apologized to the judge as tears streamed down her face. “I’m very sorry for calling you that. I did not know it was illegal, and I did not mean to cause disrespect,” she said.

Muller added that cursing was “a very bad habit” of hers and that she was feeling upset, sick, and very broke. “I’m very poor, and I barely have any money at all,” she protested. “I do not appear to be sick, but I am internally sick.”

Now you know the crime. The time? Three days in jail (plus $233.00 in court costs and fees). One final nugget from Ms. Muller:

“I didn’t know I would go to jail for freedom of speech.”

Zoinks! Here’s the source (including photos). And if you like “contempt” stories, click here.

Although no nude sculptures or paintings were hauled away, 26-year-old model KC Neill was. As reported by NBCNewYork.com:

Police arrested a woman at the Metropolitan Museum of Art for stripping naked in the middle of the Arms and Armour exhibit.

You can see the video here.

The model was posing yesterday for photographer Zach Hyman who has gained recent notoriety for his photos of nude models posing at New York landmarks, snapping shots of naked New Yorkers (all volunteers) from Times Square to Chinatown for his portrait series.

Hyman gives himself just 30 seconds to take 10 shots of nude models with his Hasselblad 500 C/M film camera and conducts his shoots in all natural light. The pictures typically can sell for anywhere from $2,000 to $9,500.

Let me get this straight: Hyman makes between $20,000 and $95,000 for a 30-second photo shoot, and he’s not even the one at risk of being arrested? Hmmm. A good camera, a few models … The Juice is taking a leave of absence … (Ms. Neill was charged with public lewdness.)