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The Juice seriously doubts that Mr. James Lewis will ever complain about his wife’s cooking again. Why no more complaints? In 2 words: fifty stitches. As reported by wral.com:

Deputies responded to an assault call Friday morning on the 5000 block of Justice Branch Road and found paramedics treating James Lewis, 85, for head injuries. Lt. Stevie Salmon of the Halifax County Sheriff’s Office determined that Lewis and his wife, Rosie Lee Lewis, 71, had argued over what she had cooked for breakfast.

The couple continued to bicker as Rosie Lewis cooked another meal, Salmon said, and the argument escalated to the point that James Lewis raised his cane as if he were ready to hit his wife. Rosie Lewis then hit him on the head several times with an iron frying pan, knocking him to the ground, Salmon said.

Damn!

James Lewis was taken to Halifax Regional Medical Center, where he received 50 stitches to close his head wounds, Salmon said.

And Ms. Lewis?

[She] was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and authorities said she was being held without bond because the charge stemmed from a domestic dispute.

Click here for the source, including a photo of Ms. Lewis. And check out this wacky food complaint story. And this one.

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If you can, put aside for a moment how creepy this is. Think of the logistics involved! Here’s the report:

A South Korean who stole 1200 pairs of expensive shoes from funeral homes while posing as a mourner has been arrested, police in Seoul said.

How did he do it?

The man identified only as Park, 59, took off his own shoes before entering mourning rooms and donned more expensive footwear when he left.

1,200 times? And what was he going to do with them?

He intended to sell them through his own second-hand shoe business, police in southern Seoul’s Suseo district said.

Making the thefts even more difficult …

Koreans normally remove outdoor footwear when indoors, especially at funeral homes.

So how did Mr. Park get caught?

Police said they caught Park stealing three pairs of shoes, worth a total of two million won ($1950) when new, at one funeral home.

They then raided his warehouse and found 1200 pairs stored according to size in preparation for resale.

Shazam! Here’s the source, including a picture of the shoes.

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So the parent of a 5-year-old kid had an argument with another parent – on the playground, of course. As a result, Mr. Joseph Moldrich, one of the parents, hatched a scheme to get the kid of the other parent kicked out of school. He would make threatening phone calls to the teacher, pretending to be the other parent! Pure genius, no? No. Here are a few of the messages Moldrich allegedly left (he said he’s going to plead guilty):

You fuck off Oakleigh South.

. . . We know where you live.

. . . Kill, kill, kill.

You fucking, you no leave and me kill you.

Some calls were made with a fake foreign accent, some with a woman’s voice. Wow. Moldrich has been in jail since he was arrested on June 29th. He has not even asked for bail. Should’ve followed The Juice’s motto: What happens on the playground, stays on the playground. You can read the original story here.

Update: Hold the presses! Since the above was originally posted, Mr. Moldrich appeared in court and pleaded guilty. Also from The Herald Sun:

Joseph Moldrich, 48, of Oakleigh South, was given a suspended six-month prison sentence yesterday after pleading guilty to 17 charges, including stalking and making threats to kill.

No jail time, and the prosecutor was pissed!

Prosecutor Sgt Frank Scully argued that Moldrich should be added to the sex offenders’ register, as he had a history of sexual offences, including convictions. “This is an individual who has sat next to teenage girls on public transport and indecently assaulted them,” Sgt Scully said.

“This is man who has attempted to entice a 12-year-old into his car.”

“This is a man who has made sexualised threats.”

Compelling case, no? Apparently not.

The magistrate rejected the application and sentenced Moldrich to six months’ jail, suspended for two years, and put him on a two-year community-based order.

Almost forgot. Here’s another one of Mr. Moldrich’s phone calls:

Moldrich screamed, “You f—ing prostitute, you f—ing slut, you don’t mess with Russians, I kill your wife” after phoning the home of a teacher, the court was told.

Here’s the second story.

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You get popped in the face. Why wouldn’t you call the cops? Well, it depends on who’s doing the popping, and who gets popped. Per the San Diego Union Tribune:

A man who was busy robbing his elderly victim Saturday became so upset when a bystander tried to break up the crime by punching him in the face that he called police to report an assault.

Brilliant!

Once [the police] put two and two together, police officers located the 83-year-old victim, who confirmed the crime, and arrested the 43-year-old man for suspected elder abuse and robbery, said San Diego police Officer David Stafford.

Police were called at 4 p.m. to Akins Avenue at 62nd Street near a trolley station, where the robber had the elderly man pinned against a wall and was rifling through his pockets when the bystander interrupted the crime, Stafford said.

Here’s to the unnamed “bystander” who didn’t just “stand by.”

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Outrageous, right? But true. As reported by UPI:

Police in Australia have set what they describe as “very generous limits” for an upcoming auto race [The Bathurst 1000]

The limit?

… no more than a case of beer a day for adults.

Holy shiznit. You know Aussie’s like their beer if a case a day is a “limit.” For The Juice, it would mean death by alcohol poisoning. And if you’re not a beer drinker:

Racing fans who do not like full-strength beer have other choices. They can bring in 36 cans of beer with alcohol content of 3.5 percent or less, a case of pre-mixed cocktails or up to 4 liters (about 8 quarts) of wine.

Zoinks. That’s a lot of booze!

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If Pennsylvania residents Kimberly Holzlein and Jill Hillard ever offer you ANY food or drink, don’t take it! Why not? Per The Citizens Voice:

The two were charged with neglect of a care-dependent person while they were employees of ARC of Wyoming County.

The charges stem from accusations that Holzlein and Hillard served feces as pudding and urine as lemonade to a mentally challenged woman in their care during the summer of 2008 at an ARC group home in Tunkhannock Township.

They pleaded guilty. The sentence?

… up to a year in prison … [with] a minimum of 30 days.

Here’s the source.

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Let’s just say that you wouldn’t want to live in an apartment owned by Vincent Tan of Edmonton, Alberta. Here’s what he was up to: A tenant came home and found Mr. Tan with his pants off and an erection visible through his underwear. Zoinks! Enter the police, who then searched Mr. Tan’s home, and found a cache of videotapes.

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On some of the videos, Tan is in the women’s apartment, and is masturbating while wearing their lingerie and clothing. On others, Tan is featured, in the women’s apartment, in “various sexually compromising positions.” And, this is truly, truly nasty [cat lovers – you have been warned – go now, and come back to Legal Juice tomorrow] Tan disclosed that he once masturbated a male cat for “experimental purposes.” You were warned!

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You’ll never guess who this man lives with. His mother! And his sentence? Three months house arrest (they had to punish his mother too?), 9 months with an 11:30 p.m. curfew (keep your cats in during the day!), 100 hours of community service, and psychological counseling.

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You can put your eyeballs back in their sockets. You read it right: 3 months in the slammer (and a fine of about $600!) for possessing 5 firecrackers. From the New Straits Times (Malaysia):

A jobless man was sentenced to three months’ jail and fined RM2,000 by the magistrate’s court yesterday for possessing five firecrackers.

Mohd Zafizie Mohd Zawawi, 29, pleaded guilty to committing the offence at Gate J of Sultan Mohamed IV Stadium at 9pm on Saturday.

Zafizie, from Kampung Belakang Masjid, who was unrepresented, told magistrate Nik Habri Muhamad neither he nor his parents could afford to pay a high fine.

“I have repented and I promise not to commit the offence again. This will be my first and last offence.”

Krykie! A first offender too.

[The magistrate] told Zafizie that he had committed a serious offence because the stadium was a place for recreation.

Oh, and if Zafizie’s family can’t pay the fine …

“If you fail to pay the fine, the jail sentence will be extended by another month.”

So it will probably be almost 1 month in jail per firecracker…

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Hey man, The Juice just finds the news. He doesn’t make this stuff up. (I know him, and seriously doubt his imagination would be up to the task.) Darin Cassler of Burlington, Vermont was arrested for starting a pillow fight, albeit a large one. As reported by The Burlington Free Press:

The pillow pugilism broke out Friday afternoon on Church Street and involved perhaps 50 people, according to a video organizers posted on the social-networking site Facebook. The “fight” wrapped up in less than two minutes, and then a police officer strolled up to the scrum, removed Cassler from the crowd and led him away by the left arm, according to the video.

Asinine. The charge?

[Cpl. Paul] Glynn issued Cassler a citation for disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor that carries a maximum sentence of 60 days in jail and $500 in fines. The statute requires a person to have acted with “intent to cause public inconvenience, or annoyance or recklessly creating a risk thereof” by engaging in “fighting or in violent, tumultuous or threatening behavior,” making “unreasonable” noise, using “abusive or obscene language” in public, disturbing a legal assembly or meeting, or obstructing vehicle or pedestrian traffic.

Excellent work, Corporal!

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Sure, getting kicked there hurts. How about getting shot there?

A Vallejo teenager allegedly shot himself in the testicles Thursday afternoon, police said.

Police said the 17-year-old, whose name is being withheld because he’s a minor, walked into Kaiser Permanente Vallejo Medical Center at about 5:45 p.m. with a gunshot wound.

The gun is still outstanding, police said, and the teen has not been cooperative.


Cooperation is probably not at the forefront of this kid’s mind right now… Source: The Oakland Tribune/Times-Herald

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