Articles Posted in Best Of

Whatever happened to “live and let live?” Something surely happened to it in the village of Lakemoor, Illinois. Just ask Ms. Tina Asmus, who used two toilets and a sink as planters in her yard. For this abominable crime, she was fined $25 under the village’s public nuisance ordinance, as reported by The Northwest Herald. Fortunately, Ms. Asmus fought the fine. And?

While McHenry County Judge Michael Caldwell said on Wednesday that the planters were “not something that appeal” to him, he cited his decades of experience as a village attorney to say the ordinance was not designed to apply in instances like this. Instead, it was meant to stop old, nonfunctional cars from sitting in driveways and prohibit unauthorized scrap metal recycling yards.

You go Judge. The Juice agrees with Ms. Asmus’s attorney.

“It may be that some of [her neighbors] don’t like it,” [Mr. George] Kililis said. “But frankly, that’s their problem.”

And check this out:

One of the toilets also had “God bless my neighbors” written on it, as well as a smiley face.

Well played, madam.

Really? A frog? Forget about the mechanics of it (if you can). How can someone possibly derive sexual pleasure watching a woman and a frog? At least one gent did, as reported by The Sun:

Michael Hall, 46 — who is also a school governor and worked on a council panel to protect children — downloaded the disgusting images on to his laptop computer.

When police raided his home they found 230 photos and 150 videos showing women engaging in sex acts with horses, a donkey, dogs, a gerbil, a frog and a live snake.

Police acted on a tip-off after learning the magistrate, from Rotherham, South Yorks, had an account on a file-sharing website which was raising concerns.

Guess those animal fetishists aren’t the most loyal bunch. Maybe they coveted the same frog.

They found the filthy porn stash when they raided his home in Swinton, Rotherham, last September.

Hall admitted 21 specimen charges of possessing hard-core pornography when he appeared before Leeds magistrates.

Jail time? Nope.

He was sentenced to a three-year community order which requires him to spend 144 days completing a programme for sex offenders.

Can you imagine when, during group therapy, this dude has to stand up and say “I’m Michael, and I love frogs, gerbils, dogs, donkeys …” You can read more [a fair amount] here.

Check out the new $20 coin! What do you mean there is no new $20 coin? But that guy said … Per The Patriot News:

State police are looking for a man who passed a fake $20 coin at an ice cream parlor in Williams Township, Dauphin County. Police said the man, described as white, short and stocky, with black curly hair, used the coin Friday evening to purchase ice cream at Willow Tree Ice Cream. After the suspect convinced the owner of the shop the coin was a new issue that was just entering circulation, the owner gave the man change.

Police said the man left in a teal Dodge Caravan registered to Mervin M. Horst of Newmanstown, Pa. Anyone with information on the whereabouts of Horst is asked to contact state police at Lykens at 717-362-8700.

Damn you Mervin! (or “Damn you man driving Mervin’s car!”) The store owner would have been thrilled had he received the coin pictured above, which is a 1933 GOLD $20 coin (a double eagle), and was last minted in 1933.

Nation, you’ve probably heard this expression before: “I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Fuhgettaboutit. Not in these times. Reinforcing that notion, as reported by wkrn.com …

A Nashville man says he and his 10-year-old daughter were victims of road rage Thursday afternoon, all because of a political bumper sticker on his car.

Give me an “O” ..

He said Harry Weisiger gave him the bird and rammed into his vehicle, after noticing an Obama-Biden sticker on his car bumper.

Duren had just picked up his 10-year-old daughter from school and had her in the car with him.

“He pointed at the back of my car,” Duren said, “the bumper, flipped me off, one finger salute.”

But it didn’t end there.

Duren told News 2 that Weisiger honked his horn at him for awhile, as Duren stopped at a stop sign.

Once he started driving again, down Blair Boulevard, towards his home, he said, “I looked in the rear view mirror again, and this same SUV was speeding, flying up behind me, bumped me.”

Duren said he applied his brake and the SUV smashed into the back of his car. He then put his car in park to take care of the accident, but Weisiger started pushing the car using his SUV.

Duren said, “He pushed my car up towards the sidewalk, almost onto the sidewalk.”

Damn!

Police say Harry Weisiger is charged with felony reckless endangerment in the incident.

Here’s the source.

This one sounds like something out of a movie. Just when you think, okay, that has to be it, the dude keeps it going. It all started with a call to the Wyoming Highway Patrol reporting a man driving erratically. Per The Kemmerer Gazette:

The first caller advised the patrol dispatcher that a white car was swerving all over the highway and had run off the road. The driver of the white car was out of the car and was running back and forth across the roadway in front of traffic. The dispatch center began getting multiple calls from motorists advising that the white male driver of the … vehicle was standing out in the roadway and was wearing no clothes.

Drunk or crazy guy swerving, running off the road, streaking …

Approximately four minutes later, calls were received that advised the naked man, later identified as 26-year-old Armondo Cano from Moroni, Utah, was now fighting with another man. Cano eventually re-entered his vehicle and headed eastbound on the Interstate once again.

Naked fighting man, now naked driving man …

Approximately 17 miles later Cano intentionally rammed another eastbound vehicle occupied by a couple from Cheyenne.

Dude! Really?

When both vehicles stopped Cano, still unclothed, attempted to enter the couple’s vehicle. Seeing the crash and unaware of what was really happening, a female passerby stopped to offer assistance.

Uh-oh

Cano forced his way into her vehicle climbing into the back seat as the female driver fled her vehicle on foot.

Smart gal. So that’s it? Nope.

Cano found a 9mm semi-automatic handgun in the female’s vehicle and began firing it from inside the vehicle out the closed windows. At this time it is unclear how many rounds he fired or exactly what or who he was shooting at.

Once the shooting began the Cheyenne couple [who he’d rammed] attempted to drive away from the scene however Cano, who was now back in his own vehicle, chased after them and rammed them once again.

Reminds The Juice of “The Hitcher” …

Cano, still in possession of the semi-automatic firearm, traveled approximately 3 miles further down the road where he stopped, exited his vehicle and then lay in the highway with the handgun.

Dude has to be gassed by now, right? Um, not yet.

Several truck drivers and motorists stopped and Cano, with a pipe, began breaking out the glass windows in an unknown number of trucks. One truck driver was cut however it is unknown haw badly he was cut or by what.

Help, police!

At this point, one Trooper arrived on scene and attempted to take Cano in to custody. A struggle began between Cano and the Trooper. The Trooper was assisted by several of the truck drivers in wrestling Cano to the ground. A Sweetwater County Sheriff s Deputy arrived moments later and the individuals were able to gain control of Cano which enabled the officers to handcuff him.

So what happened to Mr. Cano?

[He] is currently being held on an emergency detention and has not been charged … but does face numerous felony charges.

The Juice needs to take a breather. That was one helluva rampage. Here’s the source.

How often do you think to yourself “I love work so much, I wish I never had to go home”? Me too. Still, how far would you go to get off of work early? Would you, say, start a fire in your office? How about turning off the breaker for the entire office building? How about rigging the phones so that there would be no incoming calls? Sounds crazy, right? Check this out, as reported by the St. Petersburg Times:

Pasco sheriff’s investigators said Michelle Perrino, 40, started a fire at Bayonet Point Oxygen on May 12, 2009. Perrino drew suspicion when she mentioned the fire’s origin — a filing cabinet — during an employee meeting. Employees had not been told where the fire started.

Filing cabinet? No, I didn’t say “filing cabinet.” I said “hire a rabit.” You know, rabbits are fast, and they’re so cute …

[The] Sheriff’s reports also quoted Perrino’s friend, who said she told him she also tripped the main breaker for the office building so it would lose power and adjusted the phones so no calls could come in, all so she would be sent home from work early with pay.

So what happened to Ms. Perrino?

[She] pleaded guilty Monday to criminal mischief and was sentenced to nine months in jail, followed by five years of probation. She must also pay $4,800 in restitution and have no contact with Bayonet Point Oxygen or its employees.

Works for The Juice.