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Sure, things would go a lot more smoothly for you if you could just pepper spray people who don’t listen to you. But you can’t. Or, can you … Okay, you can, but it’ll cost you, as a Georgia teacher discovered. As reported by 11alive.com:

According to a Macon police news release, officers were called to the Elam Alexander [Academy] … last Friday.

The release says a school video captured [teacher Barbara] Neeley spraying the 14-year-old boy. Police say two boys were disrupting a classroom and Neeley told them to return to their seats.

She warned she would pepper spray them if they didn’t sit down. They didn’t, and police say Neeley sprayed them. One boy closed his eyes and was not affected; the other boy was treated by a nurse and his parents were called to school.

And what happened to Ms. Neeley?

Bibb schools spokesman Chris Floore said Barbara Neeley resigned from Elam Alexander Academy on Wednesday, after school officials completed their internal investigation of the pepper-spray incident. Neeley still faces a charge of cruelty to children, according to Macon police.

Here’s the source.

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The scale of this formal postal worker’s thievery is truly mind-boggling. As reported by 9news.com, he stole about 11,000 packages over a 2-year period!

Schmauder targeted packages sent from retailers like Amazon.com, looking for DVDs and CDs he could re-sell. Additionally, Schmauder stole Victoria’s Secret lingerie which he gave to his wife. He admitted to stealing as many as 50 packages a night for two years.

What did he do with all that stuff?

Schmauder resold the stolen items to Angelo’s Movies, Music and Gifts, a Littleton store which bills itself as the largest independent music store in the Denver area. Receipts showed Angelo’s paid Schmauder $85,174 for 11,829 items.

Sweet Mary! The sentence?

U.S. District Court Judge Christine Arguello sentenced Schmauder to 30 months, or two and a half years, in federal prison, the maximum according to sentencing guidelines …

You can read more (a fair amount, including information on his mental illness defense) and see a video of the story here.

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After this experience, it’s hard to imagine any of these young men snorting anything again, EVER. Although they thought they were snorting drugs, turns out they were snorting dogs and a man. Yes, you read that correctly. As reported in The New York Post:

Waldo Soroa, 19; Matrix Andaluz, 18; Jose Marrero, 19; and two juveniles broke into a house in Florida, spotted white powder in two urns, decided it was coke or heroin, and promptly began snorting it, officials said.

Nope.

… the “drugs” turned out to be the cremated remains of homeowner Holli Tencza’s dad and her two Great Danes.

The [young men] said they eventually realized their mistake, and had a brief attack of conscience.

“Brief” being the key word …

They talked about returning the ashes that were left, but then they decided their fingerprints would be pulled off the urns, so they dumped the evidence in a nearby lake.

[HT to a regular reader (who wishes to remain anonymous – can you blame him?) for bringing this story to The Juice’s attention.]

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You are a 77-year-old man, unloading groceries from your car, when a guy comes up to you with a gun, demanding that you empty your pockets. You do it, right? Not if you are Pat Gillespie of Flint, Michigan. As reported by mlive.com:

Gillespie had a bag with a two-liter of Pepsi, and he took a swing and hit the man. The man got a shot off, hitting Gillespie in the groin.

Your weapon against a gun is a two-liter Pepsi container? And?

The man, who was with another male, ran off empty handed.

UFB. Said Mr. Gillespie …

“I didn’t want to give them nothing.”

What about that shot to the groin?

…Gillespie was taken to the hospital but later released.

There was little appearance that he was shot, other than a hospital wristband. He said he feels fine, although he is just a little sore.

That’s one tough dude. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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Like everyone else (except the perps), The Juice is pleased when drunk drivers make things easy for the fuzz. As reported by The Beacon-News (Illinois):

A 43-year-old Oswego woman was charged with drunken driving after police responded to calls about a woman throwing up out of her car at 6:40 p.m. Monday near Ashlawn Avenue and Circle Drive West, Oswego police said. Officers found the car driving in the 0-99 block of West Jefferson Street. Tessy Callas, of the 0-99 block of West Jefferson Street, Oswego, was also charged with illegal transportation of liquor, police said.

Other than vomiting, what else do drunk people do? Here’s a hint: zzzzzzzzzz.

Selina Nieto, 33, of the 200 block of Abbeywood Lane, North Aurora, was charged with drunken driving last week after police were called for a woman asleep at the gas pumps in the 500 block of Montgomery Road, police said Monday.

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Perhaps the only time it’s safe to laugh in open court is when the judge does. A North Carolina man thought otherwise, and paid for it in a big way. As reported by The Fayetteville Observer:

A Cumberland County judge didn’t find it funny when a man kept laughing in her courtroom Friday.

Judge Toni King asked Johnny Montgomery, 47, what was so amusing. According to the Sheriff’s Office, Montgomery told her, “It’s none of your business.”

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How can The Juice be so certain that Jennifer Bibby, a 63-year-old neighborhood watch leader will catch the person who vandalized cars in her neighborhood? Because she did it! CCTV may be intrusive, but it doesn’t lie. As reported by swns.com:

Police officer’s widow Jennifer Bibby, 63, is an upstanding churchgoer and well-respected as a neighbourhood watch leader in a tight-knit community.

But she has been arrested and cautioned for criminal damage after being caught on CCTV attacking the cars of neighbours Clare Leverton and Suzanne Hoole.

Clare had suffered a number of vandalism attacks over recent years and believed hooded yobs were responsible for the latest damage, which occurred on Bonfire Night.

But Clare was stunned when the CCTV system she installed to catch the culprits spotted Jennifer covering the vehicles with flour and eggs.

Single mother-of-two Clare, who runs Attitudes Hair and Beauty in Hoddesdon, Herts., admitted she was ”shocked” when she saw Jennifer on the footage.

Clare, 44, said: ”The vandalism had been going on for years at my house so we decided to put up some CCTV cameras as a last resort.

What did Ms. Bibby have to say for herself?

”She denied everything to the police until they said ‘you are on CCTV’ and then she admitted it.”

Doh! You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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Seriously, are you ever going to escape from the police armed with a dildo? From The Chicago Tribune:

Carolee Bildsten, 56, of Gurnee, will plead not guilty next month to accusations that she charged an officer with the “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device” described in a police report, defense attorney Neil Calanca said.

Mr. Calanca was not pleased with the inclusion of a description of the “weapon.”

A former police officer, Calanca said the officer involved in the incident “should be ashamed of himself,” and that he would have been embarrassed to include such information in a police report. Gurnee police Cmdr. Jay Patrick countered that such reports “are required to be a factual account of an incident.”

So what led to the brandishing of the “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device?”

The alleged assault occurred when the officer went with Bildsten to her apartment in the 5300 block of David Court on Nov. 9 after employees at Joe’s Crab Shack in Gurnee accused her of dining without paying for the second time, according to Patrick.

Bildsten reached into a dresser drawer for what the officer thought was money to pay her bill, but instead pulled out the “pleasure device,” police allege. The officer deflected the sex toy with his hand, and he was not injured, Patrick said.

The charges?

Along with the aggravated assault charge, Bildsten is scheduled to appear in court on Jan. 27 on the Crab Shack-related theft of services charge and an unrelated charge for aggravated driving under the influence of alcohol.

Click here for the source.

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Sure, you might wield a gun. You might scream. How about barking like a dog? From The Athens Banner-Herald:

A Simmons Street woman scared off a would-be burglar about 11 p.m. Saturday by acting like a dog, an Athens-Clarke police report said.

When a suspicious man tried turning the woman’s door knob, she got on the floor and began scratching at the door and acting like a large dog, police said, though what dog-like behaviors she specifically mimicked remains unknown.

Talk about thinking on your feet (all four of them) …

The man, who wore an olive jacket and appeared to be homeless, quickly ran from the porch, according to the report. Police searched the neighborhood for him, but to no avail.

Who needs a dog when you can just imitate one? (Dog people – please – no hate mail!)

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And some folks say civility no longer exists in the legal profession! In the case of Avista Management, Inc. v. Wausau Underwriters Insurance Co., Judge Presnell (United States District Court – Florida – Orlando Division) would no doubt agree. The attorneys in the case, whose offices are in the same building, could not agree on where to hold a deposition. Judges HATE to be pulled into such minor disputes. So, when Avista’s attorney filed a “Motion to Designate Location of a Rule 30(b)(6) Deposition,” Judge Presnell denied it, and issued a novel ruling, paving the way for the first RPS Showdown.

“Instead, the Court will fashion a new form of alternative dispute resolution, to wit …” Enough legal jargon. The Judge ordered that the attorneys, each with a paralegal as a witness, play “one (1) game of ‘rock, paper, scissors'” [the RPS Showdown] on the front steps of the Courthouse on June 30, 2006. Of course, the Judge chose the Courthouse steps only “if counsel cannot agree on a neutral site.” Well, their offices are in the same building … (Click here to read the two page Order.)

So, with the big game just days away, due to either pre-game jitters, or the thought of scores of TV cameras focused on the event, the attorneys agreed on a location for the deposition. (I’m guessing that the game did take place – behind closed doors.) Noting that “with civility restored (at least for now),” Judge Presnell vacated his widely hailed “rock, papaer, scissors” Order. The RPS Showdown was not to be. (Click here to see the Order.)

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