Articles Posted in Best Of

Some people smoke weed. Some people believe god tells them to do things. Therefore, some people who smoke weed believe god tells them to do things. No? Of course not. You need not have taken formal logic to know that is complete BS. Nevertheless, there was a young man in West Hartford, who, after smoking weed said he was doing god’s work… As reported by The Hartford Courant:

Police said a Middle Road resident arrived home Sunday and noticed the front door had been kicked in. [Levon T.]Sarkisyan [27], who identified himself as Leon Sark, then walked out the front door and told the homeowner “a light from above told him to do this,” said Farmington police Sgt. Stephen Egan.

Sarkisyan then told the homeowner he’d broken into the house because “God wants me to help the world,” Egan said. He then told the homeowner, “I mean you no harm.”

While in the house, Sarkisyan used a fireplace poker to smash statues, including one of a Roman soldier, and a marble table, causing about $10,000 in damage, Egan said. Sarkisyan also rummaged through closets, took a shower, then dressed in the clothing of a deceased former resident, Egan said.

No harm to you, just your house and your stuff.

The homeowner told Sarkisyan to sit down, then fumbled with a phone trying to call 911, Egan said.

Sarkisyan said, “You see, God will not let you use the phone,” Egan said.

Er, um, okay.

As they waited for police, the homeowner asked Sarkisyan how he broke into the home.

Sakisyan then stood up, “flexed his arm and said, “you see, super human strength,” Egan said.

Officers arrived moments later and took him into custody without incident.

Why, Sark, why?

Later, Sarkisyan told officers he’d smoked “a strange strand of herb” that caused him to do what he did, Egan said.

The charges?

… third-degree burglary and first-degree criminal mischief …

Sark clearly has problems, but lack of an education is not one of them. He graduated from UConn. Click here for the source.

Unless you’ve never seen a movie or tv show, you’re familiar with the cop who makes a mess of things and ends up getting busted down to traffic. So what happens if you are a traffic cop, and you mess up? This gent is almost certainly going to find out. As reported in The New Straits Times:

A traffic policeman was ordered to enter his defence by the magistrate’s court yesterday for ordering a woman motorist to strip at a roadblock.

Say what?

Corporal A.S. Affendi Ahmad Sairi, 41, was charged with ordering Ang Ya Ying, 28, to remove her blouse and with pulling her pants to cause her embarrassment and insulting her modesty in front of a petrol station in Cheras at 1.15am on May 4 last year.

Defence counsel Faizal Abd Rahman told the court that he would be calling three witnesses, including the accused…

Whatever the deal is, take the plea bargain!

Fancy having a “go” at the “Good To Go”? Maybe that’s how these folks ended up carnally knowing each other for over an hour outside of the “Good To Go” convenience store in Florida. As reported by WZVN-HD:

According to a sheriff’s report, deputies responded to the Good To Go Store at 16871 San Carlos Boulevard in Fort Myers in reference to an indecent exposure call.

As the deputies arrived, they spotted a naked Pomfret and half-naked Prothero having sex in plain view underneath a tree near the store, according to the report.

When a deputy walked over and told them to stop and get dressed, neither listened, the deputy said.

Sorry deputy. The Juice believes they actually did listen to you … and just chose to ignore you since they were kinda busy.

Once the deputy announced she was with the Lee County Sheriff’s Office, both reportedly stopped and put on their clothes.

And then?

George Pomfret, 49, and Brenda Prothero, 48, both of Fort Myers, were arrested [taken into custody] and charged with Indecent Exposure in Public.

Click here for the source, including photographs.

Yes, Christian Haughwout, a 14-year-old student at The Morgan School in Clinton, Connecticut, was suspended for 10 days for … bringing a camera to school that emits a mild shock! The official reason for the suspension?

“Possession of a dangerous instrument and causing a threat or danger to the physical well-being of himself or other people.”

Really? Yes, and on top of that, as reported by The Hartford Courant:

In juvenile court, the boy also faces charges of possession of a dangerous weapon on school grounds, attempted assault and breach of peace.

Suspended and busted! What to do. Christian’s parents challenged the suspension via a lawsuit in federal court. The case was settled, with the school letting Christian return, and his parents agreeing to drop the lawsuit.

If you want to be a taxicab driver in King County, Washington (county seat, Seattle), be advised that you cannot wear shorts, sandals, jogging or warm-up suits or sweatshirts or similar attire, or “any similar clothing.” Fortunately, raingear is allowed (unless it looks like a warm-up or a sweatshirt?). Unfortunately, you may not wear underwear “as an outer garment.” King County Code Section 6.64.680
If you still want to drive a taxicab in Seattle, heed the following: You must wear “suitable clothes,” defined as “full-length pants, collared shirts and shoes.” (The Juice is out, since he only wears a collared shirt in Court, or for his website photo.) You must also be “well groomed,” which requires “bathing or showering on a normal basis” (Is there a King County “Bathing and Showering Inspector?”). You must have “hair that is neatly trimmed, beards and mustaches [that] are groomed and neatly trimmed at all times in order not to present a ragged appearance, and scalp and facial hair [that] are combed and brushed.” Oh, and a poorly groomed taxicab driver involved in an automobile accident will be presumed to be at fault. (Okay, there is no such presumption. But you had no trouble believing it, right?)

Now, if you are STILL interested, make sure you have no convictions for the following crimes or you’re out of luck, no matter how well you dress: use of a machine gun in a felony, murder, manslaughter, kidnapping, arson, robbery, and, of course, leading organized crime. King County Code Section 6.64.600.

Tumid? Seriously, does anyone know what “tumid” means? Some legislators did, because they put it in Section 3303.14 of the Columbus (Ohio) Code:

“Nude” or “state of nudity” means a state of dress or undress that exposes to view: …

2. Human male genitals in a discernibly tumid state, even with a complete and opaque covering, or

3. A covering or device that when worn, depicts, represents, or simulates human female genitals, human female areolae or nipples, or human male genitals in a discernibly tumid state.

(Emphasis added by The Juice.) If you still don’t know what “tumid” means, click here.

It pays to know and understand the Constitution, especially the 5th Amendment. A man in Fort Walton Beach, Florida would be well-advised to read it, or at least catch a few episodes of Law & Order. As reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News:

A man stopped for driving with an inoperable brakelight on Nov. 23 was questioned when the officer noticed the man’s pants were unbuttoned and unzipped. The condition of the man’s pants was obvious when he was asked to step out and look at the lights for himself.

Yeah, probably the first guy ever to have a partially unzipped fly…

When the officer questioned him, the driver said he had just left his girlfriend’s house and had picked up the 36-year-old female in his car to give her a ride home.

Okay…

After the officer advised the man that he believed a sexual act was performed in the vehicle, the man said the female had offered to perform that sexual act for $20. The man added that he had paid the $20 but had not yet gotten the act.

Really? It’s not like you were tied to a chair, with a hammer about to smash your toes. How about this answer: nuh-uh.

The defendant had $20 in her pocket, according to her Fort Walton Beach Police Department arrest report.

She was charged with soliciting for prostitution.

Really? What about the loose-lipped, would-be john? Not cool.

Like many shoppers before him, Mr. Walter Tessier walked into a grocery store (in Amsterdam, New York) and bought a lobster. He later returned to the store claiming that the lobster was bad, and exchanged it for a bag of king crab legs. So whatsamatta? Just this: the lobster shell was empty! As reported by The Times Union:

When confronted, the man with a passion for seafood ran from the store with the bag of crab legs in hand, they said.

Deputies said they caught up with him at his home only to discover that he had already eaten the crab legs.

Walter Tessier, giving new meaning to the phrase “eat and run” … (We actually had a case involving a woman who admitted to eating a crab she had just purchased – while she was driving! Not surprisingly, she rear-ended our client.)

Tessier was charged with petit larceny and given an appearance ticket to return to court at a later date.