If you don’t follow Legal Juice on Twitter (@LegalJuice), the bird gets it. And rumor has it that Mr. Wile E. Coyote is ending his longstanding relationship with Acme for “a more reliable supplier.” When asked if maybe he’s the problem, not the equipment, Mr. Coyote maintained his characteristic silence.
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Craigslist is a fantastic marketplace. You can literally buy and sell anything, or so these gents thought. As reported by The Colorado Springs Police Department:
On 02/01/14 at approximately 1700 hrs. Officer M. McCormick, was dispatched to the 1600 block of Loraine St. to investigate a reported burglary. Upon arrival he contacted the Victim who stated that between approximately 2200 hrs. on 1/31/14 and 1000 hrs. on 02/01/14 that an unknown person illegally entered his open attached garage and removed his Cannondale brand mountain bike valued at approximately $5,000.00. The Victim stated that his bicycle was very unique in that it was comprised of parts that he specifically purchased to put on the bicycle.
Not to digress, or say anything negative about a fellow cyclist, but you left the garage door open? Oh well. The damage has been done. Or … has it?
“Um, excuse me. Could you please keep it down?” Fuhgeddaboutit. Ain’t nobody quieting this lady down. As reported by The Star-Ledger at nj.com:
A 47-year-old Hackettstown woman went on a rampage and was arrested when police arrived at her house to check into a noise complaint last week, authorities said.
Gail Tortorella was drunk when police showed up to her home on Ashley Avenue at about 6:45 p.m. Thursday, Hackettstown police said in a release. Instead of calming down, police said she became belligerent.
Have you EVER heard of anyone getting a ticket for littering? They should, but it just never seems to happen, much to The Juice’s chagrin. Well, a litterbug in New York got busted, sort of. As reported by brooklynpaper.com:
The litterbug told police that he tossed some trash in the parking lot of a fast-food chain between Kingsland and Morgan avenues at 12:50 pm. A moment later, two men came up to him and showed him shields.
Officer, arrest that man! He just admitted to littering! No?
A Mississippi state legislator wasted little time in between talking about the crime problem in Jackson to becoming part of it. As reported by wapt.com:
Hours after state Sen. John Horhn hosted a meeting addressing crime problems in Jackson, he was arrested on a DUI charge, police confirmed.
Horhn had called a meeting at the State Capitol earlier in the evening and heard from Jackson residents about crime.
Old folks like The Juice, especially (and almost exclusively) men, often quote from Animal House. As Dean Wormer said: “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life …” When you look at her mug shot, you’ll see that “fat” doesn’t apply. “Drunk” definitely does. As for “stupid,” judge for yourself. Per The Orlando Sentinel:
An Oviedo Police Department officer who was assisting with security before UCF’s [University of Central Florida] first football game of the season against University of Akron got several reports of a woman urinating inside Parking Garage H.
Uh-oh.
When he went to check it out, he found Kristine Johnson of Sarasota naked from the waist down. She is not a UCF student, university officials said.
If you think she went along quietly …
When police commanded her to pull her shorts back on, she complied, her arrest report said. But throughout the rest of the encounter, police say, Johnson resisted arrest by pushing officers away, picking fights with strangers and yelling and cursing repeatedly.
When she was arrested, officials say, she spit on the doors and walls of her holding cell and cursed and yelled at officers.
Well, someone needs to learn some manners! The charges?
She faces multiple charges, including exposure of sexual organs, disorderly conduct and battery on a law enforcement officer.
Oh, and one more thing. She was banned from UCF! Here’s the source, including a mug shot.
Unless you’re the most anal person on earth, you don’t pick your neighbors. You pick the house and the location. Well this gent clearly was not happy with the neighbor he drew, and he picked a strange way to express his displeasure. As reported by The Anchorage Daily News:
A Fairbanks man was arrested for making a false report to police after he punched himself in the face in an attempt to get his neighbor arrested for assault, the Alaska State Troopers said in an online dispatch Monday.
Brilliant!
Tony Gesin, 50, called 911 and reported being assaulted by a neighbor at around 10:30 p.m. on Sunday night, troopers said.
When troopers showed up to interview him he allegedly blamed the injuries on his neighbor but ultimately admitted to punching himself because he wanted his neighbor to be arrested.
Excellent plan. Well-executed too. Here’s the source.
Yes people waste an insane amount of time on Facebook (that is, unless they’re going here.) That said, every now and then something very useful comes from Facebook use. This was posted on the Martin County Sherrif’s Office Facebook page on June 17, 2013:
********URGENT BOLO ALERT******PLEASE SHARE******* The Martin County Sheriff’s Office is asking you to Be On the Look Out for 48-year old Timothy Moriarty of Stuart. Moriarty is wanted for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. We have information that he is still in our area. The suspect was driving a blue 1996 Dodge van, Florida tag number AHP4G. Timothy Moriarty is said to be armed and dangerous. If you see him, call 9-1-1 immediately.
Lo and behold, the following day, this was posted:
Moments ago, 48-year old Timothy Moriarty was located and arrested by our SWAT Team, Uniform Patrol Deputies and K-9 Units who were led to Sandsprit Park by your tips. The Martin County Sheriff’s office would like to thank our Facebook followers who led MCSO to Sandsprit Park, shortly after our BOLO posting. Moriarty was awakened by our SWAT Team and taken into custody without incident.
Bam! You can see the posts, and photos of Mr. Moriarty, here.
If you thought The Juice was referring to an animal, you’re right – a homo sapien. In the future, this dude will likely walk around the lake to avoid a mother duck and her ducklings. As reported by khou.com:
[A Baytown mother] and her sons went into the CVS in the 1500 block of North Alexander Drive [in Houston, Texas] for about 10 minutes.
When they returned to their van and she began driving away, a man suddenly appeared from the back of the vehicle.
He pulled a knife and threatened to hurt one of the children, if the woman didn’t give him $200.
Son, you picked the wrong van.
The woman punched the suspect in the mouth and grabbed his knife. After a struggle, the thug jumped out of the vehicle.
Bam!
The woman tried to drive away, but the suspect ran toward her van and she struck him with it.
Ouch.
The suspect was taken by Life Flight to Memorial Hermann Hospital in Houston. He has been identified as Ismael Martinez, 53.
And after the hospital …
Martinez will be taken to jail when he recovers.
A well-deserved bad day for Mr. Martinez … Here’s the source, with a mug shot.
Legal Juice